Tuesday, April 29, 2008

I'm in the knife business!

So from time to time I like to include other voices in my blog. I'm sure you get sick of me. Usually they are in the form of funny quotes or funny emails. That is the case here from my friend BJ. He is currently doing migrant labor in New Zealand to get a little more money after being there for about 6 months. In this email, he is telling about his experiences in the kiwi factory he is working in. And it's just too great not to share.

"There is a speaker system throughout the place that balsts loud music all day with varying degrees of quality. The usual(and the best) is hip-hop or late 90's pop music lyrics with raggae and Pcific Island beats replacing the original music. Once again, this is ideal for me.
On my first day, I looked down the line to see a man from Vanuatu putting kiwis in a box with one hand and "licking shots" (pretending to shoot a gun in the air) with the other, just as Wyclef was telling him to do in the song that was playing . this made me very happy.
On my third day I was paired up accross the line from a 40 year old Samoan woman. We introduced ourselves and asked a few questions of each other and all that. I didn't think this would be that important, but it proved to be so. As the speakers began blasting The Humpty Dance, O got real excited. For those who have the song memorized(as I hope many of you do) you will know towards the end of the song Humpty first instructs white people to do the dance, then black people, and then Samoans. I have heard the songs dozens of times and always wondered why he called out Samoans to do the dance. I trusty Humpty and all the members from Digital Undergournd, so i just assume that they knew that Samoans love to do the dance. I got so excited and was sure that, when called upon by the song, this chubby Samoan woman would start dancing all crazy. As the part of the song approached, I stopped working and was just staring right at her. I didn;t mean to be rude or anything, I was just so excited about what was about to occur. When Humpty called on Samoans to do the dance, she didn't even flinch. She just kept her head down and kept on pakcing kiwis. I stared at her in disbelief for a few more secondstill I was snapped out of it by a supervisor yelling at me. Because of my staring and not working, kiwis were pilling up at my station and now spilling onto the floor and breaking. I repsonded with the old "No hablo Ingles" which I have used to great effect 3 or 4 times at the job already. "

Yes, glorious.
BJ and I are both big fans of a certain scene in the Cider House Rules, the one where the Cider House boss, Mr. Rose, is fighting with one of his workers. It's one of my favorite movie scenes.
Unfortunatley I could not find a video.

What business is you in, Jack? Just
tell me what your business is...

Jack looks for a translation from the other men, who are

Just say you're in the *apple*
business, man. That's the only
business you wanna be in. Just say

Jack pulls a knife on Mr. Rose.

(whispers excitedly
to Jack)
You don't wanna go in the knife
business with Mistuh Rose--just say
you're in the *apple* business, Jack!

(to Mr. Rose)
What business are *you* in?

We never see Mr. Rose's knife. We see the men circle each
other: Jack takes a swipe at Mr. Rose's head--then he steps
back, his yellow slicker slashed open. His slicker is opened
up, right up the middle. His shirt underneath the slicker is
slashed open, too--he feels his bare chest and stomach,
feeling for the cut. But there's no cut--Jack's not bleeding,
he's not even scratched. Just his clothes have been slashed.

I'm in the *knife* business, Jack.
You don't wanna go in the knife
business with me.

I really wanted BJ to be in the apple business so this could happen in real life. I guess the kiwi business will have to do. Someday, though, I will get to say "I'm in the knife busines!"

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