March Madness Thoughts

Wow, I am doing horrible in my pools. In fact I am in last place in 3 of 4. Damn, that is bad. So, don't really listen to anything I say.

Some people have been hating on this tournament because of its lack of upsets and buzzer beaters, but I think it has been pretty entertaining. Just look at Friday night and Saturday night. All the big teams save UCONN have been challenged. LSU made UNC look beatable same with Louisville against Siena and Pittsburgh twice. I think the case in a lot of instances was just the better team winning.

Also noticed that in almost all the close games, the team I was rooting for lost, but I guess that makes sense when you root for the underdog.
Friday was good as I was rooting for Wisconsin, Oklahoma St., Marquetee, and Siena, but Saturday blew - Duke, UNC, Purdue, and Gonzaga all winning close games. Man, then Sunday was more of the same.

I am glad I am a Wisconsin fan and not a Marquette fan. I am not a Marquette hater, but it's kinda funny. They waited 4 years for this? This was supposed to be their year, with the three senior guards, while it was a down year for UW. I was much more pleased this year with the Badgers as there was no expectations like in years past. I knew they were still gonna be good last year, winning the regular season and tournament and making it to the Sweet Sixteen, and I knew they would be OK this year, but sorry Badger fans, I think their NCAA tournament run ends next year. Is Travon Hughes really going to lead them? Jason Bohannan? Tim Jarmuz? I still, though consider Wisconsin a top 20 program. Maybe that is the homer in me, but 2nd Round, Sweet 16, 2nd Round, 1st Round, Elite 8, 2nd Round, Sweet 16 - that is a pretty good 7 year run.

As for teams still in the tournament, I hope it is not again all #1 seeds. That would be boring. I think the #2 seeds are vulnerable, so possible a 3 seed could sneak in the Final Four. Hopefully by the end of the day, I will no longer be last in my pools.

What is the best season of The Simpsons?

SticSticking with the Simpsons posts here. There is so much great stuff there, one could definitely devote an entire blog to The Simpsons.

Today we are looking at the best Simpsons seasons. I was again going to do a countdown myself, but I think this time we will go for some audience participation. Simply vote for what you think is the best season over on the right hand side.
Below I will take a look at each season, posting it's resume ala-Selection Sunday.
Popular thought is that seasons 4-6 are the best, but I will expand things a bit to include 2-7. That is The Simpsons in its prime.


Season 2
Summary: Season two is where the Simpsons began to take shape. It was still very much a children's show with Bart as the central character, but see begin to see it maturing. Home takes a more central role and we see some episodes focusing on minor characters. First appearances of many favorites - Lionel Hutz, Troy McClure, Dr. Hibbert, Professor Fink, Ralph Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, and Groundskeeper Willie
Best Episode: Blood Feud
Great Episodes:
Good Episodes: Bart Gets an F, Bart Gets Hiy by a Car, One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish Blue Fish, Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment, Lisa's Substitute
Bad Episodes: Treehouse of Horror, War of the Simpsons

Season 3
Summary: This is the season where classic Simpsons begins. We have the blend ridiculous humor and character development and emotional driven episodes. It is still a bit inconsistent, though. Best episodes still Bart-centric.
Best Episode: Homer at the Bat
Great Episodes: Bart the Lover, Bart the Murderer
Good Episodes: The Otto Show, Radio Bart, Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk, Flaming Moes, Lisa the Greek, Saturdays of Thunder, Treehouse of Horror II, Stark Raving Dad,
When Flanders failed
Bad Episodes: Like Father, Like Clown, Colonel Homer, Brother Can You Spare Two Dimes?


Season 4
Summary: Here we have Simpsons at its best and brightest. There is absurd humor, gag-filled episodes, and continued emotion driven episodes. Here is where we often see the classical plotted episodes. We see more and more of minor characters in starring roles or at least well defined roles. Very consistent season. Greatly written and greatly creative.
Best Episode: Last Exit to Springfield
Great Episodes: Brother from the Same Planet, Marge vs. the Monorail, A Streetcar Named Marge, Marge in Chains, Mr. Plow
Good Episodes: Lisa's First Word, Selma's Choice, I Love Lisa, Duffless, Krusty Gets Canceled, New Kid on the Block, Whacking Day
Bad Episodes: Lisa the Beauty Queen, The Front, Homer the Heretic


Season 5:
Summary: Similar to season 4, very consistent, more use of minor characters. This is though, where stories begin to get a bit ridiculous and unbelievable and the show begins to parody itself a bit too much. Full, rich episodes. Loads of parodies and spoofs. This is where we see Homer obviously being the most used character.
Best Episode: $pringfield
Great Episodes: Rosebud, Cape Feare, Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baddasssss Song, The Last Temptation of Homer
Good Episodes: Bart's Inner Child, Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy, Deep Space Homer, Homer and Apu, Bart Gets Famous, Homer goes to College, Homer's Barbershop Quartet, Burn's Heir
Bad Episodes: Homer the Vigilante, Lady Bouvier's Lover


Season 6
Summary: Season 6 is very much a combo of seasons 4 and 5. It has full ridic episodes as well as some unbelievable ones. We see Homer ingraining himself as the star character. I feel this is where there begins to be some bad episodes that make the good ones seem even better. Lots of amazing eps, though.
Best Episode: Bart's Comet
Great Episodes: Lisa's Rival, Bart of Darkness, A Star is Burns, Treehouse of Horror V, Who Shot Mr. Burns Pt. 1
Good Episodes: And Maggie Makes Three, Homer the Great, Homer Badman, Two Dozen and One Greyhounds, Homie the Clown
Bad Episodes: Grandpa vs, Sexual Inadequacy, Fear of Flying, Lisa's Wedding, Round
Springfield, The Springfield Connection, Lemon of Troy

Season 7
Summary: Season 7 was a mixed bag. Some of it was very close to the best of seasons past, but much of it was straying from what made The Simpsons great. Some awesome stories, some too wild.
Best Episode: 22 short Films About Springfield
Great Episodes:
Good Episodes: King Sized Homer, Bart Sells His Soul, A Fish Called Selma
Bad Episodes: Mother Simpson, Marge Be Not Proud, Two Bad Neighbors, Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield, Bart the Fink, Abe Simpson and "The Flying Hellfish"

There you go folks. Vote for the Best!

Best Simpsons Episodes Ever!

Well, we have finally made it to the top tier of our Simpsons Best Episodes Countdown. These are the 13 top episodes ranging from seasons 3-8. The classics are here - Last Exit to Springfield, Monorail, Rosebud- the three predicted by Thorzul - Homer at the Bat, 22 Short Films, Hank Scorpio- and a few surprises.
At the end of last entry, we looked at the usual construction of a classic Simpsons Episode - something rather crazy starts the episode, which causes some sort of problem which the lead character, usually one of the Simpsons must solve, and in solving it, there is actual character development and sentimental situations, so usually the first part of the episode is more funny and the second more sincere. I think that is a pretty good Simpsons mold, and you will see, most episodes on this list fit that mold.

And here they are The Best Simpsons Episodes ever.....

13.) You Only Move Twice
Season 8
Writer: John Swartzwelder
What happens: Homer gets a new job in a new city. The rest of the family is against moving. Homer's new boss Hank Scorpio is an evil genius. In the end, Homer does what is best for his family and moves back to Springfield.
Why 13? You can't go wrong with a James Bond Parody. Also this is a rare episode where the entire Simpsons family each has a story line. This is also classic Homer here, clueless but not a goon or buffoon. Also, this was back when FOX first got the MLB playoffs, so you had to wait forever to get new Simpsons. This was the first non-Halloween ep of the season, so anticipation was high. A gem of an epsiode when things were starting to go downhill.
Funny Stuff: Aw, The Denver Broncos?!
Hank Scorpio is great. I loved the coat gag, well delivered, even if it was similar to Lionel Hutz's tie gag. And he just pulls sugar out of his pocket!
Mr. Bont!
The Hammock District

Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up two percent, and it's all because of

my motivational techniques. Like, donuts. And a possibility of more

donuts to come.

12.) A Star is Burns

Season 6
Writer: Ken Keeler
What happens?: The town decides to have a film festival after it is named the least cultural city in the U.S. The Critic comes to Judge the festival. Mr. Burns tries to buy the award for best film.
Why 12? This is one of the most iconic episodes of The Simpsons, but it is rather inconsistent. This is a rare episode where the second half is funnier than the first. The stuff with Jay Sherman isn't funny.
In fact, Matt Groening was very much against this episode as he saw it as just a big promo for The Critic, and wanted to pull the ep off the air. He did not to commentary on the DVD or put his name on the credits.
But when it is on, it is great! I think Boo-urns is the most used Simpsons quote. I use it like 5 times a day.
Funny Stuff:

Audience: Boo!  Boo!



Burns: Smithers...are they booing me?

Smithers: Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns!  Boo-urns!"



Burns: Are you saying "boo" or "Boo-urns"?

Audience: Boo!  Boo!

Hans: I was saying "Boo-urns"...





Homer: Marge, are we Jewish?

Marge: No, Homer.

Homer: Woo hoo!

Senor Spielbergo

Listen, Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod:

we're both factory owners, we both made shells for the

Nazis, but mine worked, dammit!  Now go out there and win me

that festival!

Football in the groin with Hans Moleman or George C. Scott

But...the ball!  His groin!  Ah ha!  It works on so many levels!

11.) A Streetcar Named Marge

Season 4
Writer: Jeff Martin
What Happened? Streetcar Named Desire as a musical starring Marge as Blanche. The show makes her realized Homer doesn't always treat her right.
What #11? I don't want you thinking I like musical numbers and Jon Lovitz, but this was a great ep, a great character study of Homer and Marge. The B story of Maggie at the day care was cute, anything to The Great Escape music is awesome.
Funny Stuff:
All these obvious character from the Simpsons playing other characters was great.
Another amazing Hutz line: Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!

   If you ask me, they're all winners!



We'll be cutting our first 40 contestants right after this.





-- Troy McClure











Marge: I thought it would be a good chance to





meet some other adults.

Homer: [eyes fixed on the television set]  Sounds interesting.



Marge: You know, I spend all day home with Maggie.  Sometimes it's

like I don't even exist.

Homer: [eyes fixed on the television set]  Sounds interesting.



Homer: I can't fake an interest in this, and I'm an expert at faking an

interest in your kooky projects.

10.) Bart of Darkness
Season 6
Writer: Dan McGrath
What happens? It is a hot, hot summer and Lisa and Bart convince Homer to get a pool. The whole school comes to swim. Bart falls because his epidermis is showing and Lisa becomes cool. Then comes the Rear Window parody with Bart who thinks Flanders killed his wife.
Why 10? This is the first episode of season 6 and one of the first times FOX had the playoffs, so we had to wait a long time for this. FOX had already learned to start out the season with a Bart-centered episode and this one did not disappoint. Good story, well paced, Lisa and Bart switching places was a good idea. Simple story and fun. Good use of Homer as a minor character, where he is often at his best and multiple funny lines by Martin.
Funny stuff:
The ep starts off with Homer and Bart cooling themselves down by rubbing frozen veggies all over themselves. "I got the idea when I noticed the refrigerator was cold"
"ICE CREAM, ICE CREAM, I'm all outta ice cream."

Let us celebrate our new arrangement with the adding of chocolate to milk.

Great scene with Chief Wiggum in the helicopter

 Do not be alarmed,

continue swimming naked.  [eats popcorn] Aw, c'mon, continue!

Come on!  Oh...

And Cherri and Terri becoming friends with Lisa

Isn't it amazing the same day you got a pool is the

same day we realized we liked you?

The Chlorine scene was funny and Millhouse signing Bart's cast Millpool and the weird Jimmy Stewert Character.

Martin: Ah, my plan has come to fruition.  Soon _I'll_ be queen of



summertime.  Er, king.  King!

Bart: Listen, Ned Flanders murdered his wife!

Homer: But why?  She's such a fox.



[Marge scowls at him]

I mean, what's on Fox tonight?

Great end to the episode as well, Frank Sinatra in the background

Martin: Oh.  The gentle caress of the summer breeze.

9.) Lisa's Rival
Season 6
Writer: Mike Scully
What Happened? Another smarter younger student threatens Lisa's place at school and a strange B story with Homer and Sugar.
Why 9? Lisa is not my favorite character, but she works well here interacting with Allison and when asking Bart for help. Simple story again. This is episode 2 of season 6, immediately after Bart of Darkness, just like this list. B story was funny, but weird.

Funny Stuff:
Obvious highlight was the Star Wars action figures and Skinner's reaction

Pre-packaged "Star Wars" characters, still in their display

box?  Are those the limited-edition action figures?





         Why it's Luke, and Obi-Wan, and my favorite, Chewie!  They're





all here!  [to Miss Hoover] What do you think?



Hoover: [bored] I think it's lunch time.

Skinner: We have a winner!

And the anagram game

Taylor: Oh, don't be modest.  I'm glad we have someone who can join us

in our anagram game.

Alison: We take proper names and rearrange the letters to form a

description of that person.

Taylor: Like, er...oh, I don't know, uh...Alec Guinness.

Alison: [thinks] Genuine class.

Taylor: Ho ho, very good.  All right, Lisa, um...Jeremy Irons.

Lisa: [looks with consternation] Jeremy's...iron.

Taylor: Mm hmm, well that's...very good...for a first try.  You know

what?  I have a ball.  [pulls one from his pocket] Perhaps you'd

like to bounce it?

Also multiple funny Ralph lines
"My cats name is mittens"
"What's a diorama?"
"My cat's breath smells like cat food."
I bent my Wookie."

Also very funny was the scene with the Beekeepers. Epitome of The Simpsons and how something seemingly normal is made laugh out loud funny. Transcribing this does not do it justice, just watch it and the walking clock bit from Sweet Seymour Skinner

Beekeeper 1: Well, sure is quiet in here today.





Beekeeper 2: Yes, a little too quiet, if you know what I mean.



Beekeeper 1: Hmm...I'm afraid I don't.

Beekeeper 2: You see, bees usually make a lot of noise.  No noise --

suggests no bees!

Beekeeper 1: Oh, I understand now.  Oh look, there goes one now.



Beekeeper 2: To the Beemobile!

Beekeeper 1: You mean your Chevy?

Beekeeper 2: Yes.







The beekeepers track their bees down to Homer's sugar pile.



Beekeeper 1: Well, very clever, Simpson, luring our bees to your sugar

pile and selling them back to us at an inflated price.

Homer: Bees are on the what now?

Beekeeper 2: Simpson, you diabolical...we're willing to pay you $2000

for the swarm.  [starts counting money]

Homer: Deal!

Love in a Time of Scurvy
Classic Homer :

Marge: While you were out "earning" that dollar, you lost forty dollars

by not going to work.  The plant called and said if you don't

come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.

Homer: Woo hoo!  A four-day weekend.

Lisa: You're younger than me too?

[look worried, starts breathing into her paper lunch bag]

Alison: Are you hyperventilating?

Lisa: No...I just like to smell my lunch.

Diorama-rama
Uter and the chocolate factory
And for some reason, Bart's plan to spray Allison with the hose was great.


8.) 22 Short Films About Springfield

Season 7
Writers: Jeff Appel, David S. Cohen, Jonathan Collier, Jennifer Crittenden, Greg Daniels, Brent Forrester, Rachel Pulido, Steve Tompkins, Josh Weinstein, Bill Oakley, Matt Groening
What Happened? Many things
Why 8? This was the one with many small stories, a Pulp Fiction parody. It had some great parts, but some not so great parts. Not higher because it lacked the sentimentality and emotion of other great episodes.
Funny Stuff:
Very Tall Man
Krusty Burger vs. McDonalds
Maggie in the Newspaper Stand
But I will give you what you want, or at least what I want....Steamed Hams!

If written many times that something was one of my favorite skits or gags or lines or scenes, but here is my alltime favorite Simpsons scene.

Elsewhere in Springfield, Superintendent Chalmers walks up to the



door of a neatly-kept house.  Principal Skinner greets him there.

Chalmers just grunts as the two men go inside.  Skinner heads for

the kitchen, where he notices smoke billowing out from the stove.



The worst has happened -- the roast he has prepared is burnt.



Skinner, however,

 has an ace up his sleeve.  He plans to purchase

fast food from the Krusty Burger across the street and pass it as his

own cooking.  Skinner starts to climb out the window when Chalmers

suddenly comes into the kitchen.



Chalmers: Seymour!



Skinner: Superintendent; I was just, uh, just stretching my calves on

the windowsill.  Isometric exercise.  Care to join me?

Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?

Skinner: Uh, oh, that isn't smoke, it's steam.  Steam from the steamed

clams we're having.  [rubs stomach] Mmm -- steamed clams.



Either Chalmers is satisfied with this explanation, or decides not

to pursue the matter further.  In any case, he goes back to the

dining room.  Skinner jumps out the window and runs over to the

Krusty Burger after Chalmers leaves.



A few minutes later, Skinner makes an entrance the dining room

carrying a big platter of Krusty Burgers.



Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering

hamburgers.

Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.

Skinner: Oh, no, I said, "steamed hams."  That's what I call

hamburgers.

Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams.

Skinner: Yes, it's a regional dialect.

Chalmers: Uh-huh.  What region?

Skinner: Uh, upstate New York.

Chalmers: Really.  Well, I'm from Utica and I never heard anyone use

the phrase, "steamed hams."

Skinner: Oh, not in Utica, no; it's an Albany expression.

Chalmers: I see.



Chalmers suspends his disbelief long enough to enjoy some of

Skinner's steamed hams.



Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones the

have at Krusty Burger.

Skinner: [laughs]  Oh, no, patented Skinner Burgers.  Old family

recipe.

Chalmers: For steamed hams.

Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that

they are obviously grilled.  [shows Skinner the grill marks]

Skinner: Uh ... you know ... one thing I sh-- ... 'scuse me for one

second.

Chalmers: Of course.





Skinner retires to the kitchen for a second.  When he walks back

into the dining room, we can see that the entire kitchen is in

flames.



Skinner: [faking a yawn] Well, that was wonderful.  Good time was had

by all.  I'm pooped.

Chalmers: Yes, I guess I should be --

[notes entire kitchen is on fire]

Good Lord, what is happening in there?

Skinner: Aurora Borealis?

Chalmers: Aurora Borealis?  At this time of year?  A this time of day?

In this part of the country?  Localized entirely within your

kitchen?

Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: May I see it?

Skinner: Oh, erm... No.

Awesome

7.) Marge vs. the Monorail

Season 4
Writer: Conan O'Brien
What Happens? You know this one. Mono= One Rail = Rail
Town gets money from Burns for nuclear waste dumping. Gets swindled by Lyle Langley (Phil Hartman into building a monorail. He skims tons off the top and the monorail doesn't work, but Homer and Leonard Nimoy? save the day
Why 7? Classic episode, lots of great lines. Large town scene, again with ideas of what to do with a large amount of money. A couple of slow scenes in the second half though prevent it from being higher and lots of great one liners, but not extended gags.
Funny Stuff: lots
"I call the big one Bitey."
"Batman was a scientist"

Do you want to change your name to Homer, Junior?





The kids can call you Ho-Ju!



Marge: We're too late!

Cobb:  I  have stopped for that haircut.  Sorry.



`Solar power.  When will people learn?



You call that an anchor?

No fat chicks
Homer trying to seduce Marge was hilarious. Another one that can't be transcribed. Check it out.


6.) Homer at the Bat

Season 3
Writer: John Swartzwelder
What happened? Mr. Burns had a million dollar bet on te plant softball team, so he hired ringers to play. Ever player save one had a strange incident or accident that left them unable to play. The only one able to play was Daryl Strawberry, who played Homer's position. In the end, with the game tied, Mr. Burn's played the percentages and took Strawberry out in favor of Homer, who was hit by a pitch and brought in the winning run.
Why 6? I think this is the first episode of the Simpsons that everyon remembered. It was also the first one to beat The Cosby Show in the Thursday timeslot. So many baseball players. I love it.
What happened to the players:
Ozzie Smith: Wonder Spot
Jose Canseco: Retriving every possible thing for the woman from the burning house
Mike Scioscia: radiation sickness, LOVED working in the plant
Steve Sax: pulled over and jailed by Chief Wiggumand charged with every unsolved crime in NYC
Roger Clemens: hypnotized into thinking he was a chicken
Ken Griffey Jr.: Too much growth tonic
Wade Boggs: knocked out by Barney in a bar fight over who was the best Prime Minister of England
Don Mattingly: My favorite - kicked off by Burns for not shaving his nonexistent sideburns

Ralph picking his team against Bart was also funny
Daryl Daryl!


5.) Bart's Comet

Season 6
Writer: John Swartzwelder
What happened? Bart gets detention for a prank on Skinner and has to star gaze with him. Bar t finds a comet heading for earth, specifically Springfield. Everyone goes in Flanders' bomb shelter and eventually kick him out. Homer feels bad and leaves too and everyone follows him. The comet ends up burning up in the atmosphere and everyone is fine, just as Homer predicted. Dun-dun
Why #5? Great episode from beginning to end. It incorporates most of the town and shows Homer's good side, which is seen too infrequently.
Funny Stuff:
The following people are gay thing was funny
Another one of my alltime favorite scenes here:

Moe: Hey, uh, I got an idea: we can play a game to pass the time.

Er, I'll make the sound of a barnyard animal, and, er, you







all try to guess what it is.  Ahem: [makes some



        unidentifiable noise]

Wiggum: It's a pig!



Bart: It's a cow, man.

Lisa: It's a pony.

Krusty: No, it's a goat.  You know, one of them lady goats.

Selma: There are no lady goats: a lady goat is a sheep.

Hibbert: I believe she's right.

Otto: You're crazy.



McAllister: Arr, what's it to you?

Otto: What's it to _me_?

[everyone starts arguing]

Marge: Stop it!  Stop it!  Can't you see this barnyard noise

guessing game is tearing us apart?

[Ned still sings "Que Sera, Sera" outside]



Say, Moe, was it a duck?

[everyone argues again]



Homer: Shut up!  Shut up!  Stop it!  Stop it.  I can't take this any



more.  I can't let that brave man out there die alone.  I'm

surprised and disgusted by all of you -- especially his

children.  I'm going out there!

[goes out, slams door behind him]

[pops his head back in] It was a baby ox.

Moe: He's right, you know.

Skinner: [surprised] About the ox?

Moe: About everything, dammit.

I am called Ham, because I enjoy ham radio.  This is Email...

Cosine...Report Card...Database...and Lisa.  Your nickname

will be Cosmos.



Quimby: Now, here's what we think the impact might look like.  Show

them, Jerry.

[first slide shows arrows pointing to "Springfield" and the

"Comet"]

[second slide shows collision of two and an arrow pointing to

       "Moe's"]

Moe: Oh, dear God, no!

[third slide shows smoking crater with arrows pointing to

"Charred Bodies"]

Quimby: Fortunately we have a plan: Professor Frink?

Frink: Nn-hey, good evening, ladies and --

Man: [hysterical] Quit stalling!  What's the plan?

Frink: All right, just take your seat, just take your seat.

[pulls a sheet off a model of the city]

Now, working with former Carter Administration officials and

military men who were forced into early retirement for various

reasons which we won't go into here, nn-hey, we have planned

this defense for the city: [flicks a switch] as the comet

hurtles towards the city, our rocket will intercept it and blow

it to smithereens.

[little models of the comet and rocket demonstrate]

[the comet explodes and catches "Moe's" on fire]

Moe: Oh, dear God, no!



Lisa: It blew up the bridge!  We're doomed.

Homer: It's times like this I wish I were a religious man.

Lovejoy: [running down the street] It's all over, people!  We don't have

a prayer, argh.

 Ned: I might go mad with fear out there, so Todd, I want you to shoot

Daddy if he tries to get back in.

Todd: OK, Dad.  [weeps]

4.) Brother from the Same Planet
Season 4

Writer: Jon Vitti
What happened? Homer forgot to pick up Bart from soccer practice. It rained, Bart got mad and got a Big Brother Tom, again voiced by the late great Phil Hartman (damn his crazy, crazy wife) Homer then got a little brother to get even. Hilarity ensues.
Why #4? I don't think this episode is very high on many people's list, but it is again great from start to finish. There is no let down. The B story with Lisa on the Cory-line isn't the best, but the Bart/Homer/Tom/Pepi story is priceless. It is also very simple and believable. But it is sometimes these unassuming, less frequently seen eps that are the best.
Funny Stuff:
The episode starts with Nelson smoking at soccer practice, a good start indeed.
Next we have Homer forgetting to pick up Bart and ignoring all the signs.
Wheel of fortune puzzle "I'm on my way"
Millhouse writes trad pu kcip
Bart Starr
dog barks "Bart"
Maggie burps "Bart"
Pick a bar?
And then Homer's dream where Bart is dead is pretty nice too

And then he leaves immediately out of the bath.
Lisa "Dad, hide your shame."
Flanders "Hey Homer, I can see your doodle."
SNL spoof - "The Big Ear Family" and another Joe Piscopo reference
The Isotopes have "Tomato Day" and speaking before the game is the head of the Springfield Communist Party.
After Bart shows the ray gun at show and tell Millhouse "I have a horsey....Nayy, naay...."
Possibly the Best Itchy and Scratchy

You're not the  one who can abuse a non-profit organization!



Must you be forever

 dialing that phone! Lisa

And the best "That's when it's time to kick some back!"
-Homer-

3.) Rosebud

Season 5
Writer: John Swartzwelder
What happened? Citizen Kane parody with Mr. Burns' lost bear Bobo
Why #3? Wow, so much stuff, so many gags. I think that is a critique of this episode, but I love it. I can't get enough. With other episodes on the list, I had to rewatch them to get some more quotes, I mean some stuff if obvious like "Boo-urns" and "kick some back" and "Steamed hams" but with these last 3 episodes, I remember all the gags. Brilliant stuff.
Funny Stuff:
Where to begin? I can't possibly write it all or give justice to the humor.
Here is a good way to try, though, just the classics

I have some sad news to report: a small puppy, not unlike Lassie, was

just run over in the parking lot.



[Audience gasps]

And now it's time f

or the comedy stylings of Homer Simpson!



Homer makes a triumphant entrance, but he is greeted with silence.





Homer: [exaggeratedly loud] Are you ready to laugh?

Man: Poor dog.



Homer: I said, are you ready to laugh?

Woman: Quiet, you awful man.





Smithers: [dressed in a bear suit] Here's something that should cheer

you up, sir.  It's me, sir: Bobo!  Hug me!  Squeeze me!

[suggestively] Tug at my fur...



Apu: Chock full of heady goodness



Homer: Mmm...sixty four slices of American cheese.

[Takes the stack to the table and sits down]

Sixty four...[eats it]



Sixty three...[eats it]

[Next morning]

Two...[eats it really slowly]

One...[eats it]

    [Marge walks in]

Marge: [incredulous] Have you been up all night eating cheese?

Homer: [slurred] I think I'm blind...

The end gag in the future is priceless too. Just watch this ep.

2.) Last Exit to Springfield
Season 4
Writer: Jay Kogen and Wallace Wolodarsky
What happened? Lisa needs brace (Dental Plan) Homer becomes head of the union and Burns tries to take away the dental plan. Homer leads the plant to strike. In the end, the workers get back their dental plan if Homer quits as union head, and he obviously does.
Why #2? Classic, classic episode. This one has an incredible amount of gags and quotes like Rosebud, but has a much strong, coherent story line which all the gags come from. Amazing stuff!
Funny stuff:
Where to start?
Dentist office was all funny, both with Lisa and Ralph
Homer's scar from the strike of '88. "I want a burrito! I want a burrito!"

  Lenny: So long, dental plan!

Homer: [thinks...]

Lenny's voice: Dental plan!

Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.

Lenny's voice: Dental plan!



Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.

Lenny's voice: Dental plan!

Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.

Lenny's voice: Dental plan!

Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.



Lenny's voice: Dental plan!

Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.

Lenny's voice: Dental plan!

Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.

Chuckie: [as a prank, drops a pencil into the crack of Homer's butt]

Carla: Bull's-eye!

Homer: Thanks a lot, Carl.  Now I lost my train of throught.

Lenny's voice: Dental plan!

Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.

Lenny's voice: Dental plan!

Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.

Homer: If we give up our dental plan... ... ...





Burns: We don't have to be adversaries, Homer.

We both want a fair union contract.

Homer: [thinking]  Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?

Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Homer: [thinking]  Wait a minute.  Is he coming onto me?

Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?

Homer: [thinking]  My God!  He  coming onto me!

Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows.

[chuckle]  [wink]

Homer: [thinking] Aaaaaagh!

[aloud]

Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans.

Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious,

      but the answer is no!

I'll have to pay for Lisa's braces!

Bathroom gag was great and the ping-pong table in the leaky basement
don't forget picture day at school
Homer on the talk show
two-headed dog with frisbee
Classical Gas
back door to the super-secret room
I could go on and on, but seeing the real episode would be much better
ok, one more

"This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters. Soon, they'll have written the greatest novel known to mankind. (reads one of the typewriters) "It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times"?! you stupid monkey! (monkey screeches) Oh, shut up."



1.) $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)

Season 5
Writer: Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein
What happened? Springfield decides to increase revunue and noteability by building a casino. Homer works there, Mr Burn's goes whacko, Marge gets addicted to gambling and the family suffers, and Bart maes his own treehouse casino.
Why #1? This my not be the most expected choice, but I love it. It has laugh out loud and chuckle moments, lots of character appearences, crazy stuff, a great storyline, and the sense of the Simpsons as a family, flawed, but still together in the end. I feel this episode was hilarious (even moreso than the previous two) when I first saw it back in 1993, when I saw reruns when in high school, when I bought the DVD in college, and when I watch it today. Now that is the hallmark of a great episode. Despite what others may say, I stand by this as number 1
Funny Stuff:
So much again, a few of my favorites

Homer: Anyone lose their glasses?  [no one answers]

Last chance!  [still no one answers]

Woo-hoo!

[Homer fishes the glasses out of the toilet.  He puts them on]

The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles

triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.

Man: That's a _right_ triangle, you idiot!

Homer: D'oh!

My second favorite Simpsons scene, after Steamed Hams:

Lisa: Mom!

Homer: Huh -- wha -- Lisa!  What's up?

Lisa: I just had a bad dream!

Homer: Oh, sure.  You just lie down and tell me all about it.

Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the bogeyman was after

me, and he's hiding under --

Homer: Aah!  Bogeyman!  You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun!

-- So much for parental guidance, "$pringfield"



Homer runs into Bart's room: "Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there

may be a bogeyman or bogeymen in the house!"



Marge arrives home, squealing the tires as she stops in the driveway.

She gets to the front door and sees a hole has been torn through it, and

that chairs and other objects have been stacked against the knob.  When

she opens it, Homer peeks up from behind a bent-over mattress on the

floor, aiming the shotgun at her and quivering.  Bart, Lisa, and Maggie

look over at Marge, and everyone sighs with relief.



Marge: What happened here?

Homer: Oh, nothing, Marge.  Just a little incident involving the

bogeyman!





Another Great one

Homer: Hello, Florida!  [tapes an orange to her, but it falls off]

Lisa: [gasps] I'm not a state, I'm a monster!  [sobs]

Homer: [wipes a tear away] No, Lisa.  The only monster here is the

gambling monster that has enslaved your mother!  I call him

Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

And all the casino gags were great too
The fake Sigfred and Roy getting attacked by their tiger. WOW
Bond spoof
Rain Man spoof
Barney burping up coins

 [Barney watches Marge gamble]

Barney: Man, that's classic compulsive behavior.

[Sees a waitress holding a tray with three cups on it]

Wow, free beer!

[He chugs all three]

Man: Buddy, those are my quarters!

[Barney burps up some quarters]

Woman: This guy's paying off!

Homer running through the casino and giving everyone good luck.

 Man: A baby on the table!  That's good luck!

Everyone: Yay!

[The man throws the dice, and they come up double one]

Croupier: Snake-eyes.  Sorry.

Everyone: Boo!

Bart's Casino

Goulet: Are you sure this is the casino?  I think I should call my

manager.

Nelson: Your manager says for you to shut up!

Goulet: _Vera_ said that?  Hmph.

I remember this one I had to use the pause button and close captioning to see what Homer said at the end, that's how disgusted he was.

 Lisa: There's nothing to eat for breakfast.

Homer: You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie

crust --

Lisa: Maybe mom just doesn't realize we missed her.  We could go down

to the casino and let her know...

Homer: Oh, come on, Lisa, there's no reason to -- [takes a bite] --

let's go see Mom now.

Crazy Burns

Burns: Aw, my beloved plant.  How I miss her -- bah!  To hell with

this.  Get my razors!  Draw a bath!  Get these kleenex boxes

off my feet.

Smithers: Certainly, sir.  And, uh, the jars of urine?

Burns: Oh, we'll hang onto those.  Now, to the plant!  We'll take the

Spruce Moose.  [picks up the model] Hop in!

Smithers: But, sir --

Burns: [pointing a gun] I said, hop in.

Skinner: And special awards go to the two students who obviously had no

help from their parents: Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.

Ralph: I'm Idaho!

Skinner: Yes, of course you are.

A Great line to end the list with.

Homer: [grabbing Marge] Yer gotta redda kid forrad yarrar!

Marge: Homer, what is it?  Slow down!

Homer: [slowly] J'yer gedda ferda redderarrar.

Marge: Think before you say each word.



Homer: You broke a promise to your child.

Marge: What?

Homer: You promised Lisa to help her with her costume.  You made her

cry.  Then I cried.  Then Maggie laughed -- she's such a little

trooper.

And that is all folks. The end of the list. Wow! Lots of episodes, lots of laughs. The Simpsons is great. The best show of my time. It's been a good time writing this list. I know there are some many good episodes, it is very hard to rank them, even in tier form. Much of it comes down to personal preference. But we can all agree, it is the combination of the humor, the story telling, the absurb, the intelligent, and the sense of family that makes The Simpsons Great.
The show is now a huge part of American pop culture and maybe even culture.
Right Mr. Hutz?

Oh, sure, like lawyers work in big skyscrapers and have
secretaries. Look at him! He's wearing a belt.
[wistfully] That's Hollywood for ya.

Best Simpsons Episodes Part III

Alright, time for part III of of Simpsons best episodes countdown. Today we have tier II. These episodes didn't quite make the final cut, but are definitely still classics. The last two tiers only contain 24 total episodes, so we are surely (not Surly) down to the nitty-gritty.
Here we go. I think this list will bring back several fond memories and laughs.

TIER 2 B Episodes

Who Shot Mr. Burns Parts 1&2 - I'll put these together even though they were separated by months, painful months of waiting for the answer. These episodes, obvious homage to Dallas, were not outrageously funny, especially the second, which was more story telling and flashbacks, but they were definitely a huge event. I can only think of a few times in my lifetime where a TV show was an actual event, an instance where it was cover in the news and in magazines and mentioned on other shows. The ones I can remember are the OJ chase, the finale of the first season of Survivor, when someone finally won a million of Who wants to be a millionaire, and to a lesser extent the Seinfield finale and American Idol finale with Reuben and Clay. And Who Shot Mr. Burns? was right up there with them. I think it was also one of the first times I was a aware of the concept of a season long cliff-hanger. Man.
A few highlights:
The whole thing was begun by the unfortunate death of Superdude.
All the students and faculty giving suggestions for what to do with the money
Otto: One of those guitars, that are like, double guitars, you know?
And the whole gag with Mr. Burns not knowing Homer's name. I even used this line as a title to one of my Brewers posts.

  Ned: Dear Lord!  That's the loudest profanity I've ever heard.

Bart's Inner Child- I think this one often gets forget in the slew of so many great episodes, but this is worthy of such a high place. It's almost a two parter episode, the first with the trampoline, the second with the self-help guru Brad Goodman who tells ever on to be like Bart.
Has all the ingredients of a classic Simpsons episode - Homer doing something ridiculous, producing a ridiculous plot, family troubles, and a scathing parody of modern culture and commercialism.
The "human go-ing" line is one of my favorites as well as the chase of Homer and Bart

Skinner: Damn...they're very slowly getting away!
Moe: They're heading for the old mill!
Homer: No we're not.
Moe: Well, let's go to the old mill anyway -- get some cider!

Treehouse of Horror V - Best Halloween ep ever!
The Shinning. That's pretty much all I have to say.
The Homer in time one was good too, but the last one about Lunchlady Doris prevents in from being top tier.



Mr. Plow - Iconic Episode. That is the only way to put it. Doesn't have too many super-funny parts though that I remember well, maybe because I remember the whole episode, but that is why it is not top tier.
The bit with Adam West was great. And Homer driving (drunk?) home in the snow and hitting the other family car "at least I got him as bad as he got me" was great. Oh, and I forgot this one, when talking to the insurance agent:

``Moe's'' you left just before the accident.  This is a business of
some kind?
Homer: [thinks]  Don't tell him you were at a bar!  Gasp!  But what else
is open at night?
[aloud] It's a pornography store.  I was buying pornography.
[thinks]  Heh heh heh.  I would'a never thought of that.

And don't forget the whip sound the salesman (Vlaclav) used to get Homer to buy the plow truck
And it ends with Homer saving Barney and renewing their friendship and then a joke about God
Yep, sounds like classic Simpsons.


TIER 2 A Episodes
These are the closest of the close to the top tier. After much thoughtful debate, they came up short. But, just to make it clear home close, we will begin our unofficial countdown here. Exciting

(19) Homer's Enemy
Season 8

In my opinion, the last great Simpson's episode. I know it is only the 8th season, but I stand by this statement. As this list will show, most of the best episodes are seasons 3-7 or and you could even say 4-6. But this was the episode about Frank Grimes and Homer. Frank, a hard working, self made man, asked the questions we ourselves may have asked about Homer. How does he have such a nice job, house, family, the American dream, and do amazing things and meet amazing people when he is so.......dumb? The outside perspective is definitely interesting.


(18) Blood Feud -
Season 2
Interesting pairing with the previous one, as this episode I believe is the first great Simpsons episode. It's when it becomes more than just a funny kid's show. This episode was actually aired the summer between seasons 2 and 3.
And as for the funny stuff goes, all I really have to do is mention the giant head Xtapolapocetl.

Hilarious.
Lots of other funny stuff too, Lisa giving Maggie ridiculously hard flash cards, Homer attempting to water the mail and pretend to be Mr. Burns.

Homer: [trying to disguise his voice]
Hello, my name is Mr. Burns.  I believe you have a letter for me.
Postal Clerk: Okay, Mr. Burns, uh, what's your first name?
Homer: [brief pause] I don't know.

Also we got a nice example of Mr. Burns trying to be nice after he got better from Bart's blood.

Burns: Oh, top of the morning to ye!  Why, look who's here!
 It's ... good old... You!
Man:   Hi, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Oh, hey there, Mr. uh... Brown-Shoes!  How about that ..
 local sports team!

And good advice for us all

Moe:    What's the matter, Homer?  You're not your normal effervescent self.
Homer:  I got my problems, Moe.  Give me another one.
Moe:    Homer, hey.  You should not drink to forget your problems.
Barney: Yeah.  You should only drink to enhance your social skills. [belch]

(17) Cape Feare -
Season 5
I may be in the minority here, but I am not really a fan of Sideshow Bob. That being said, this is a classic episode. This is the one where Sideshow Bob gets paroled and tries to kill Bart. This puts the Simpsons in the Witness Protection Program and hilarity ensues, well actually, the first half of the episode was funnier.
Lots of good stuff:
McBain as a standup Comic
Sideshow Bob's "German" tattoo

Bart's reasonable paranoia

Um, I checked around.  The girls are calling you "fatty-fat fat fat",
and Nelson's planning to pull down your pants, but...nobody's trying to
kill ya.
-- Milhouse

Marge: [threateningly] Bart, I am going to _get_ you...[brandishes
 some scissors]
Bart: [gasps]
Marge: [cheerfully] ...some ice cream at the store, since I'm saving
 so much money on Diet Cola!  [holds up a coupon]
  [Scene switches to Flanders outside]
Flanders: [threateningly] Say your prayers, Simpson...[brandishes a
 glove with knives on the fingers]
Bart: [gasps]
Flanders: [cheerfully] ...because the schools can't force you like they
 should!  [clips the hedge] Maude, these new finger razors make
 hedge trimming as much fun as sitting through church.
  [Scene switches to Bart's classroom]
Edna: [threateningly] You're going to be my murder victim, Bart...
Bart: [gasps]
Edna: [sweetly] ...in our school production of "Lizzie Borden",
 starring Martin Prince as Lizzie.

And one of my favorite scenes ever

Agent: Tell you what, sir.  From now on, you'll be, uh, Homer Thompson
at Terror Lake.  Let's just practise a bit, hmm?  When I say,
"Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."
Homer: Check.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: [stares blankly]
Agent: Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: [stares blankly]
[A long time later]
Agent: [sighs in frustration] Now, when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson,"
and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson!  [stomps on Homer's foot a few times]
Homer: [stares blankly]
[to other agent] I think he's talking to _you_.

Yes!
Not a big fan of the ending though.



(16) Marge in Chains -
Season 4
The one where Marge goes to jail.
This one is great from start to finish. It begins with Troy McClure and Dr. Nick selling juicers - Juices Looseners. Wow. Great start. The juicers coming from Japan and contain the dreaded Osaka Flu. Everyone gets sick but Marge. She is super stressed and accidentally steals bourbon.
Has a classic things-running-repeated-through-head
Mom we need more OJ - Flinestones Chewable Morphine - Sherrif Lobo - Bourbon
Also the best, and this is saying something, appearance of Lionel Hutz.
So MANY GREAT QUOTES. I will list them all for your reading enjoyment, but really watch the episode.

Lionel Hutz: Hiring me as your attorney, you'll also receive this free smoking monkey.
[places a toy monkey with a cigarette in it's mouth on the desk]
Marge: Mr Hutz.
Lionel Hutz: Look... he's taking another puff!

Lionel Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I... uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly," and the word "dog" with "son."

Lionel Hutz: Now, Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she *forgot* that bottle of... delicious... bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors... so tempting.
[holds the bottle to his ear]
Lionel Hutz: [whispering] What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial!
[puts it down]
Lionel Hutz: Excuse me.
[he runs out of the courtroom, finds a payphone and quickly dials]
Lionel Hutz: Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
David Crosby: Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
Lionel Hutz: I love you too, man.

   So, Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, if that  your real name...
in fact, I wasn't wearing a tie at all!

Lisa:  You're a latter-day Clarence Darrow!
Hutz:  Uh, was he the black guy on the Mod Squad?

If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers.

Judge:Mr. Hutz, do you know you're not wearing any pants? 
Lionel Hutz:What? AAH! I move for a bad court thingy.
Judge:You mean a mistrial?
Lionel Hutz:Yeah... that's why you're the judge, and I'm the law... talkin'... guy.

Awesome. And like any great Simpsons episode, there is a great, somewhat ludicrous, yet heartfelt ending, this one with a Jimmy Carter statue being adorned with Marge Simpson Hair. Fitting end.


(15) Bart the Lover -
Season 3
Another episode with the classic Simpsons set-up. Ridiculous intro - yo-yos- leads to one of the Simpsons doing something funny that may hurt others - Bart answering Mrs. K's add - they feel bad and usually in a funny way make it better - writing the last letter. Fast paced start, slower middle and end allowing for character development.
That is the formula for a great episode.

Oh, forgot that before the yo-yos this episode started with a Troy McClure filmstrip about Zinc.

How could you not love this episode?
Gordy Howe
Woodrow Wilson

Maybe it's the beer talking Marge but you got a butt that won't quit.
they got those big chewy pretzels here merJanthfgrr five dollars??!!!?
get outta here [scrawl]

Strap your skates on Gordie, you're going in.
P.S. I am gay.

The B story was great too, with Homer attempting to give up swearing.

   Maude: Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?
Todd:  Hell, no!
Ned+Maude+Rod: [gasp!]
Maude: What did you say?
Todd:  I said I didn't want any damn vegetables.
Ned:   All right, that's it, young man.  No Bible stories for you tonight!
Todd:  [leaves, crying]
Maude: [to Ned] Weren't you a little hard on him?
Ned:   Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.

Rod:  At last we built the mission.
Todd: Finally, the villagers have a place to pray.
Rod:  [sings] Bringing in the sheaves!
Todd: [sings] Bringing in the sheaves!
Rod+Todd: We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves!

Homer: Hey, Marge.  You wanna hear something funny?  Flanders thinks I
 swear too much!  Hee-hee!  ... Marge, you're not laughing.
Marge: Well, you know, maybe he's right.
Homer: Well, what a surprise!  Marge sticks up for Flanders!
 Can we have  conversation where you don't bring up your hero,
 Ned Flanders?
Marge: Actually, Homer,  brought up Ned Flan---
Homer: Look, we're past that.

That will require a tetanus shot.

In the end, the Simpson family comes together and there is an actual happy ending.
If anyone can find the Simpsons Gordie Howe picture, please let me know .

Career Totals               Games      Goals     Assists     Pts.

National Hockey League      1767       801        1049      1850
World Hockey Association     419       174         334       508
                         ------------------------------------
Major League Totals         2186       975        1383      2358

(14) Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baddasssss Song -
Season 5
Similar formula to the previous two episodes - Simple beginning turns ridiculous, Simpsons must solve problem they created, sincere, funny ending.
This episode is hilarious. SO close to to the top tier. The first half of the episode was amazing, so funny throughout, but the second half didn't hold up, a bit dull in fact. Best part at the end was Flanders being fired due to saying a prayer in a public school.

As for the first half, I really don't know where to begin, that's how good it is, so....

The scene opens a la "Wonder Years" with "With a Little Help from My
Friends" being covered in the background.  A young Homer washes his
muscle car with his fairly new girlfriend Marge.  He grins at the camera
as Marge turns the hose on him, dousing him.  Homer has neglected to put
the parking brake on in his car, it would seem: it rolls off the
driveway and onto the street.

In the next shot, it is Homer's birthday.  As Abe and Marge watch,
bearded Homer opens Marge's present -- a book about beards.  Delighted,
he shows it to the camera, then leans forward to blow out the candles on
his cake.  But his beard catches fire, and he runs back and forth in a
panic while Marge worries and Abe laughs.

   [Bart watches a home movie of Homer's birthday]
Bart: [laughs] They're going to eat this up at Show and Tell.
Marge: I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea of your
   classmates laughing at our family's private moments.  How
   would you like it if, twenty years from now, people were
   laughing at things _you_ did?
Bart: Not likely.  Come on, have a sense of humor about yourself!
    [the movie turns to baby Bart, naked, sitting on the
   toilet]
Young Bart: I'm a big boy today.

Lisa laughs, and Bart sees reason.  He looks around for something else
to take to school, and Marge suggests a largish potato.  "Mom, you're
always trying to give me potatoes.  What is it with you?"  Marge
explains, "I just think they're neat."  Bart runs up to Lisa's room.

Bart: I need something for Show and Tell.
Lisa: Just take one of my geodes.
[Bart stares blankly]
The rocks on my desk.
[Bart goes over, picks up something]
No, that's a trilobyte.
[Bart picks up something else]
That's petrified wood.
[Bart picks up something else]
Bart, that's a bran muffin!


Otto honks the bus horn outside, and Bart and Lisa walk out to it.  As
Bart steps on the bus with his geode in hand, he notices everyone else
has brought geodes, including Martin, who says, "Greetings, fellow
geodologist!"  Bart groans, steps off the bus, and looks around for
something else to take.  His eye falls on Santa's Little Helper; he
tears the dog away from chewing up the morning paper.

In class, {it is Nelson's turn at Show and Tell.}

Nelson: {The ingredients were: fresh pureed tomatoes, water, salt, and
 sodium benzoate used to retard spoilage.  Once again, if I'm
 not mistaken, this can contained tomato paste.}
Edna: {Thank you, Nelson.  I look forward to seeing it again next
 week.}  Bart, you're up.
  [Bart walks up as a cardboard box follows him]
Bart: Boys and girls, Mrs. Krabappel, I come before you today to
 solve a riddle that has plagued mankind for centuries: What
 has four legs and ticks?
Milhouse: A walking clock?
Nelson: A walking clock!
Martin: I'd wager he has some variety of walking clock in that box!
Edna: Bart, is it a walking clock?
Bart: [mystified] What?  No, it's my dog.
-- That was my next guess, "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song"

Everyone gasps with delight.

Edna: [looking at SLH] Oh, he is a gem!  Here boy.  [kisses] Would
 you like these cookies Martin made for me?
Martin: My raisin roundies!
Bart: My dog's name is Santa's Little Helper.  One time he crawled
 under the house and when he came out he was covered with ants.
 Then he ran into a church and drank all the holy water.
Everyone: Wow!


Mrs. Krabappel thanks Bart: "Great job!"  Everyone cheers as he walks
off.  "I knew the dog before he came to class," brags Milhouse.

Martin walks up, places his geode on the floor, and narrates
histrionically.

Martin: Kaboom!  That, the sound of the thunderous volcanic explosion
 that gives birth to the magnificent geode, one of nature's
 most --
Nelson: You're doing it wrong.  You gotta pet him hard so he can feel
 it.
  [he demonstrates; SLH sneezes]
Sherri: Look, look, look!  The doggie sneezed.
Edna: Hah!  It thinks it's people.
Willy: [on the other side of the door] Hey, poochie!  Here, poochie,
 poochie, poochie!
Martin: Ahem.  My geode must be acknowledged!
Edna: [angrily] Oh, brother.  All right, back to Show and Tell!
 Bart, why don't you put the doggie away.
Everyone: Aw.


Bart leads SLH to a closet and shuts the door on him.

Later, SLH awakes to smell something good coming from the vent.  Lunch
lady Doris' soup that day is particularly redolent, no doubt due to
extra helping of horse testicles she's added to it.  "More testicles mean more iron!" she exclaims.  SLH can't resist, and he paws the vent
open and crawls inside.  He crawls past the grade two room.

Ralph: Um, Miss Hoover?  There's a dog in the vent.
Hoover: Ralph, remember the time you said Snagglepuss was outside?
Ralph: He was going to the bathroom.


Principal Skinner is on the phone in his office to the superintendent.

Skinner: [on the phone] I know Weinstein's parents were upset, uh,
superintendent, but, but -- but I was _sure_ it was a phony
excuse.  I mean, it sounds so made up: "yom kip pur".  [laughs
sheepishly]
Willy: [bursting in] Sir, you've got to come quick!  There's a dog
running around in the air ducts.
Skinner: I understand.  [over PA] Children, this is Principal Skinner.
Remain calm.  There is a dog in the vents.
 [In Bart's class, everyone cheers and gallavants]


Willy pushes Skinner's desk over to the corner of the room for Skinner
to stand on.  He removes the vent cover and sticks his head into the
vent.  SLH licks his face happily and wanders off.

Skinner: Willy, go into the vent and get him.
Willy: What?  Have you gone waxy in your peaster?  I cannot fit in
tha' wee vent, you croquet-playing mint muncher.
Skinner: Grease yourself up and go in, you...you guff-speaking work-
slacker.
Willy: Ooh, good comeback.


Willy approaches lunch lady Doris and asks her if they have any grease.
When she replies in the affirmative, he strips his shirt off and asks to
be greased up.

It really is a tight squeeze for him in the ventilation system.  He sees
a flash of brown cross the T junction at the end of the shaft in front
of him; behind him, at the other end, he sees another flash of brown
shortly after.  Skinner monitors Willy's and SLH's flashing dot on a
radar screen.  "Good Lord, it's coming up right behind him!"

Although SLH has no malevolent intentions.  He simply licks Willy's foot
repeatedly, but Willy is ticklish and begin laughing hysterically.
Several children are standing just under where he laughs, and they toss
books and other things at the vent, denting the metal.  Willy implores
them to stop.

Skinner rushes out and orders everyone back to their room.  "Uh oh.
Whenever I get this upset, I get hiccups!  (hic) Oh, right on cue..." he
moans, and everyone points and laughs.

Willy, meanwhile, has managed to orient himself so that he faces SLH,
who runs away from him.  But the wily Scotsman manages to catch up and
snag the stray mutt.

Willy: There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman.
Now, out we go --
[pushes vent cover out; the cover hits the gymnasium floor far
below.  The vent begins to pull from the roof]
Urg...'tis more dizzying than the belfry at St. Caliga
Glenwalgens.


The fire department is called in to try to rescue the trapped pair.
Chief Wiggum arrives, greeting the basketball-playing Eddie and Lou
with, "That's nice work, boys."  Mrs. Krabappel sees superintendent
Chalmers arriving and takes great glee in pointing this out to the still
hiccuping Skinner.

Chalmers: [voice rising] Skinner...!
Skinner: Superintendent Chalmers!  You didn't have to come all the way
  down here.  Everything's under control.
   [fireman falls off ladder, which smashes the gym window]
Chalemers: Oh, I have had it, I have _had_ it with this school, Skinner!
  The low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children
  --
Skinner: Oh, now I really think the children's appearance --
Chalmers: Seymour, you are in very, _very_ big trouble.
   [SLH falls into his arms]
  Why, looking into this lovable mutt's eyes just melts my
  heart.  Seymour, all is forgiven.
Willy: [yells] Make way for Willy!  [lands on Chalmers] I said "Make
  way for Willy," you bloated gasbag.
Chalmers: Seymour...
Skinner: Hmm?
Chalmers: You're fired!
   [Bart gasps]
Skinner: I'm sorry, did...did you just call me a liar?
Chalmers: No, I said you were fired.
Skinner: Oh.  That's much worse.

Skinner has become one of my top 5, maybe even top 3 favorite characters. Check out the scene where he is on the phone, he is so sweaty.
I've put the best lines in bold, just in case some people did not want to read the entire act. This ep is so full, there really isn't a B story.
And don't get me wrong, the rest of the ep is good, just not as good, definitely check out Skinner's detergent scene. Funny, funny stuff.



Wow, we had so GREAT ones today, the last three in particular. They were so close, but the countdown gets even better! Tune in next time for the TOP 13 Simpsons Episodes.
Holla back!

Best Simpsons Episodes Part II

Alright, time for tier 3 episodes. Things are getting big.
TIER 4 - B

My Sister, My Sitter - Lisa has to babysit for Bart, despite the fact he is two years older than her.
One of my favorite Simpsons lines "Go to bread." instead of go to bread. And the Bob Seeger vs. Bob Saget was great too.


The PTA Disbands - The fill in teachers were the best part about this episode.

The Last Temptation of Homer - Great concept.

Oh Mindy, you came and you gave without flaking,
But I sent you Ben Gay.
Oh Andy, you kissed me and stopped me from something,
And I 

The Fortune Cookie joke was great too. And the fact that the person Mindy replaced was fired for asking for a real emergency exit. And this one -

All I'm gonna use this
bed for is sleeping, eating, and maybe building a little fort.

Oh, and again two of my favorites and two of THE BEST Simpson's quotes or bits ever - First the man with the giant hand and second

Homer: Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: [bored] Yeah.
Homer: See, I got this friend named...Joey Jo-Jo...Junior...Shabadoo --
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
[A man leaves, weeping]
Barney: Hey, Joey Jo-Jo!

Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy - I think this episode is a testament to The Simpsons at its height. Nothing super memorable happened, no best lines or stories, but if you watch this episode, you will laugh throughout the entire thing. But just for this blog's sake, here are a few of those funny parts:
Smither's computer turning on with Mr. Burns
The kid getting his frisbee back after years and then throwing it right back in
The Malibu Stacy creator always being drunk
And Grandpa working at Krusty Burger was pretty good too.
No one bought the Lisa Lionheart doll because there was a new Malibu Stacy doll with a hat -
Smithers: "But she's got a new hat."


Secrets of a Successful Marriage - Homer teaches a class on successful relationships and ends up just talking about him and Marge to make the class interesting. The best part is how quickly homer deteriorates when he is kicked out the house

Bart's Girlfriend - Scotchtoberfest!

 Bart: Why the crap do we have to go to church anyway?
Marge: You just answered your own question with that commode mouth.
Besides, you kids need to learn morals and decency and how to

love your fellow man.

[in church]
Lovejoy: And with flaming swords, the Aromites did pierce the eyes of
their fellow men and did feast on what flowed forth.  Among
whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our

flesh...

"I don't want
you playing with something that has such bizarre hair.  Awful, awful
hair."

And Maggie Makes Three - I love the flashback episodes, MUCH, MUCH better than the flash-forward ones.
This one starts....

{Listen carefully and my words will shape images as clear as
any TV show.}  It was a tumultuous time for our nation: the
clear beverage craze gave us all a reason to live.  The
information superhighway showed the average person what some
nerd thinks about Star Trek.  And the domestication of the
dog continued unabated.

Hilarious!
The bowling alley and the pulling out of the hair are great too and the fact that Homer didn't know Marge was pregnant until the baby shower.

Homer: Ah, another perfect day in my perfect life with my perfect job.

Wiggum: [driving by] Hey, just heard the news over the squawk box.
That's nice work, Homer.
Homer: Thank you, thank you very much.  It is nice work.
Apu: Oh, Mr. Simpson, I have just heard about the little bundle of
joy.  Congratulations, sir!
Homer: It's true, the bundle is little, but I'm not in it for the
money.

Moe: [sly] Hey, Homer!  Way to get Marge pregnant.  [laughs
]
Homer: This is getting very abstract, but thank you: I _do_ enjoy

working at the bowling alley.



Homer: [sniffs] This was the happiest time of my life.  I'll never
forget you guys.  Especially you, Joey.
Joey: [a young boy dressed like a shoe-shine boy] See you 'round,
Mr. Homer.
Homer: Don't worry, Joey, we'll make it to California some day.
Joey: Sure we will, Mr. Homer, sure we will.  [coughs]
Bowler 1: It's going to be sad around here without you, Homer.
[bowlers murmur assent as Homer walks out]
Bowler 2: Boy, this is depressing.
Bowler 3: Hey, I know what would cheer us up: bowling!

Oh, and a little tidbit the writer of this Jennifer Crittenden also wrote the PTA Disbands and Seinfield episodes about Little Jerry, George trying to get fired from the Yankees, and the one with George taking sexy pictures, a pretty good resume.

A Fish Called Selma - I don't usually really like episodes with large music numbers and episodes starring Patty and/or Selma, but this one is an exception. Planet of the Apes musical, yes!

Das Bus - Lord of the Flies parody, pretty nice most recent ep on this entire list I think, excluding honorable mention.

The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show - You all know this one.

New Kid on the Block - One of the eps written by Conan O'Brian, not up to Monorail, but still pretty nice. Loved the Sarah Plain and Tall joke. Bart smoking the bubble pipe was good as well as not washing his hand and telling Moe it was Jimbo crank calling
Highlight of the episode was obviously Lionel Hutz.

   Hutz:  Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising
since my suit against the film, ``The Never-Ending Story''
Hutz:  I don't use the word hero very often, but you are the greatest hero
in American history.

Bart Sells His Soul - One of the few episodes where the B story is better than the lead story. Bart selling his soul is pretty nice (QUIZ - What did Bart buy with his $5 for selling his soul?) and his prank on the church organist (rock and/or roll), but Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag is flat out great.

Moe: This thing can flash-fry a buffalo in 40 seconds
Homer:40 seconds? But I want it now

And his blowing up on the little girl, man, classic.


Homer the Great - This is a favorite of many people, the Stone Cutters episode, but I have a few criticisms. One, the long music number, two, and what was the eventual downfall of the show, what Homer being too dumb and goon-like.
Gotta like Patrick Stewert, though. Memorable ep
TIER 4 - A

Lisa's First Word - Great episode, cute ending too. This one is a flashback to when Lisa was born.
The beginning of the flashback is priceless. Homer is singing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun and here is the narration.
The story begins in the unfortunate spring of 1983. Ms. PAc-Man struck a blow for women's rights and a young Joe Piscopo taught us how to laugh.

The Krusty Burger Olympic bit was also hilarious too - "Wow, a baby and a free Burger. Could
this be the best day of my life?"

The clown bed is great. The scene where Bart has to stay with Flanders is amazing. And we have one of the classic phrase repetitions, this one in Bart's head - "From now on the baby sleeps in the crib, Iron helps us play, evil clown laughter, Hello Joe"
Wow, maybe this episode should be higher.


Homie the Clown - Great laugh out loud episode ,but doesn't quite have the staying power, not as funny after multiple viewings.
The bit with the Hamburgler - "He's already dead"- and Homer's pants falling off whenever he does the little bike trick were nice.



King Sized Homer - Another laugh out loud episode that doesn't quite hold up over time. This is the one where Homer gets fat in order to work at home. Him trying to get fat was pretty funny, as was him working on the computer. The funniest parts were Bart's dream "I wash myself with a rag on a stick." And Homer trying to go see the movie but getting kicked out for being too fat. "I just wanna see Honk if You're Horny in peace", and the paying him off with a giant bag of movie theater popcorn.


Deep Space Homer -

I think you may be able to point to this episode as to where The Simpsons gets a bit too ridiculous. I mean, Homer in Space? After this, you have an ex-president moving in, the Simpsons traveling to every continent, Mr. Burns blocking out the sun, and tons more ridiculous stuff. Nevertheless, a very funny episode.
Highlights include Barney being crazy good at astronaut trying, then drinking to celebrate and reverting back to his normal self, a gag used multiple times, but still funny.
And Kent Brockman when the ants are floating around right in front of the camera.
And the inanimate carbon rod.

Two greatest words in the English language: de-fault




Bart Gets and F - This is a season 2 episodes and its simplicity really contrasts with Deep Space Homer. It is a simple likable story. Bart being thrilled with getting a D- was great, especially since it was due to his obscure French and Indian War reference, as was the unexpected snowstorm and all the fun everyone was having when Bart was studying. And if you don't think this episode is worthy of such a high place, just check out Bart's cat drawing, his only thing on the fridge.

Bart the Murderer -

Season 3 ep where Bart starts working for the mob and then gets accused of killing Skinner. Great from start to finish. You got the chocolate factory field trip, Bart licking envelopes for Skinner, and Bart picking "Don't have a cow"
Plus appearances by Troy McClure and Lionel Hutz. WOW
And the best part, Skinner's explanation of where he was. Classic.
And, who plays Bart in the TV movie? None other than Neil Patrick Harris. Yes!


Burns Heir - Another winner. Burns almost dies due to the weight of a sponge in the bath tub and then feels he needs an heir. The "tryouts" are great.

Milhouse: I have nothing to offer you but my love.

Burns: I specifically said, no geeks!
Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool...
Burns: Next!
Nelson: Gimme your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in!
Burns: Oh, I like his energy.  Put him on the callback list.
Martin: [walks out as music begins]
     Clang, clang, clang went the trolley!
     Ring, ring, ring went the bell!
     Zing, zing, zing went my heartstrings -- oof!  [Nelson belts
     him]
Burns: Thank you!  Give the bully an extra point.

Lisa: [clears throat] I propose to you that your heir not need be a
     boy.  In this phallocentric society of ours --
Burns: Er, I don't know what phallocentric means, but no girls!
Milhouse: [offstage, in drag] So much for Plan B.

Homer: OK, boy, I wrote down exactly what to say.  Just read it and
  you're a shoo-in!
Bart: [walks onstage, squints at cue cards] Hello, Mr. ...Kurns.  I bad
  want...money now.  Me sick.
Homer: Ooh, he card-reads good.


Bart: So pick please me, Mr. Burns.
Homer: {[calling from offstage] It's "Kurns", stupid!}
Marge: {No it's not!}
Homer: {Disregard.}

And the fake family was great too, and Hans Moleman as Bart. And Burns attempting to play football and the Bob Mackie blazer. And another Lionel Hutz appearance, this time with his Orange Julius and as a part time shoe-repairer. Great Episode.


Homer's Barbershop Quartet - First episode of season 4, setting the tone for the rest of the great season. Great Barney appearance. Too many Beatles references perhaps. Homer sells his spare tire at the flea market. Nice

Selma's Choice - This one is VERY close to the next tier, a great ep from the get-go.
Jub Jub, Homer's place mat, Bart pretending to be dead Aunt Gladys. She died preventing them from going to Duff Gardens. Brief Hutz appearance. Hans Moleman tries to date Selma, who thinks she now wants kids, Barney at the sperm bank.
And, you cannot forget the sandwich bit, one of the best Simpson's scenes ever.

And you got Surley - Surly only looks out for one guy -- Surly
Lisa Drinking the small world ride water
Beer Goggles
Rapping Abe Lincoln
And the return of Jub Jub



That is all for now. Tune in next time for tier 2, and I promise you, there will be fewer episodes.

Best Simpsons Episodes Part I

Let the controversy begin. We are here with tier 4 of the BEST SIMPSONS EPISODES. I'm sure some people will already feel done wrong by some of these selections.

Again I am using the tier system, but this time I will be dividing the episodes into A and B sections depending on how good the episode is, with A obviously being better episodes than B so in essence there are 8 tiers, but that would be a bit much So this is tier 4 of 4, (or 7 and 8 of 8) the worst of the best episodes. Let the countdown, or maybe list is a better word, begin.
In no order.....

TIER 4 B EPISODES

Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire - The episode that started it all. Set the tone for the serious, mostly ridiculous, but also heartfelt, and dealing with real problems, only a bit more crazy.
Bart Gets Hit by a Car - Read the title. First appearance of the great Lionel Hutz and the average Dr. Nick

Hutz: Hutz is the name, Mr. Simpson. Lionel Hutz, attorney at law.

Here's my card. It turns into a sponge when you put it in water.
Homer: Ooh, classy.

Mr. Simpson, the state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement.
But just between you and me, I promise you a big cash settlement.

The Springfield Files – obvious X-Files crossover.

Mr. Burns: So, another Friday is upon us.  What will you be doing,

           Smithers?  Something gay, no doubt!

 Smithers: Wha...?  What?!

Mr. Burns: You know.  Light-hearted, fancy-free.  "Mothers, lock up your

           daughters!  Smithers is on the town!"  [chuckles a bit]

 Smithers: Exactly, sir!  [laughs nervously]

Grade School Confidential- Teacher Strike. Mrs. Krabappel and Skinner get together.

Skinner reveals he is a 44 year old virgin.

Skinner:   More tea, Edna?

Krabappel: What kind of little boy has a tea set?
Skinner:   [pours tea] I think we both know the answer to that ... alucky boy.

Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet
making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.

Lisa the Skeptic – Lisa find an angel statue on a school archeology dig, it predicts the end of

the world (some parts similar to Bart’s Comet) Smithers kisses Mr. Burns. Good comments on religion and science.

The Otto Show – Great episode, Spinal Tap concert, Otto lives with the Simpsons, Skinner

drives the bus – the scene of him waiting to move out into traffic was great. Otto gets his bus license by telling Patty and Selma stories about Homer . Also the concert riot scene was great and the fact that Homer did not know that anything was going one, and that they forgot Millhouse. Oh, and the Billy Beer. The only episode where Otto is the central character?

Landlord: All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old

             `Psycho' magazines.

   Otto:     Wow!  I have mustard?

I Love Lisa –

First Episode with Ralph as a lead character. He falls in love with Lisa after she is the only one to give him a Valentine - “I Choo-choo-choose you.”

Duffless – Home goes on a Duff tour with Barney, takes his keys so he doesn’t drive drunk, but

then Homer gets pulled over for a DUI. B story was Lisa testing Bart versus a hamster. Best

part of the episode was Homer at the DD meeting.

It's funny 'cause I don't know him.

Whacking Day – You know this one. A tad over-rated I believe.

Homer Goes to College – Same. Homer repeatedly want to pull a prank on the dean was pretty nice, though.

Lisa on Ice- Hockey episode

Homer Badman – Great episode where Homer gets accused of sexual harrassement, when all he wanted was a gummi

Radio Active Man – Fall-out Boy

Team Homer – Bowling episode

The Day the Violence Died – The one about the actual creator of Itchy and Scratchy being

homeless. Average Hutz appearance. Lester and Eliza save the day.

TIER 4 A EPISODES

One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Bluefish – The one where Homer is supposed to die d

ue to the incorrectly prepared blowfish. A very heartfelt episode. Larry King reads the entire

bible. The drool is warm!

Homer: Okay, okay, where do  want to go?

   Lisa:  Anywhere but hamburgers, pizza, or fried chicken!

   Homer: Fine!  We'll go to Mars!

A Millhouse Divided – The first scene is great, with the dinner party and the Pictionary. Wow. And you can’t forget “Can I borrow a feeling?” Also some good cracker-factory jokes. Gotta love those.

Homer’s Phobia – The one about gays. Probably not a necessary theme, as there are already great characters like Smithers and Lenny and Carl (?) Best part was the gay steel mill

Stark Raving Dad – Excellent episode, Homer goes to the Nut house for wearing a pink shirt and for Bart’s answering his questionnaire – heartfelt too – Lisa it’s your Birthday.

Flaming Moe’s – Classic episode. Homer’s story of how he came up with the drink was great.

Good Moe story. And it also contains one of the best Simpsons lines ever

Oh, look at me!  I'm making people happy!

       I'm the Magical Man from Happy-Land, in a gumdrop house on

       Lollipop Lane!  [leaves the room, slamming the door]

       [pokes his head back in]  Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic.

Burns Verkaufen Der Kraftwerk- Very close to tier 3. Countless great lines.

Horst: Do we have any alcoholics among us?

          [hands slowly go up]

   Man 1: Uh, me?

   Man 2: Right here.

   Man 3: I'm drunk right now!

Marge, it's not the money.  My job is my identity.

   If I'm not a safety whatchamajigger, I'm nothing!

Burns: [recoils in mock horror]

          Oooh, the Germans are mad at me.  I'm so scared!  Oooh, the Germans!

          [hiding behind Smithers]  Uh oh, the Germans are going to get me!

   Horst: Stop it!

   Man 2: Stop, sir.

   Burns: Don't let the Germans come after me.

          Oh no, the Germans are coming after me.

Radio Bart – Classic episode where Bart pretends a kid is trapped in well and then really gets

trapped in a well. Sting guest stars. Some other good gags with the radio.

And Groundskeeper Willie and Sting digging was pretty nice. Any time where numerous characters can present ideas is great.

A falconer explains that his bird will fly the boy to safety.
He releases the bird, which flies away, never to return.

 A man shows a fishhook and a bar of chocolate.  ``And then I'll
clean him for free.''

   Although we can't reach the boy, we  freeze him with liquid
nitrogen, so that future generations can rescue him.

Krusty gets Canceled- Gabbo, Gabbo, Gabbo.

Lots of people LOVE this ep. I think it is good, especially the Gabbo stuff, but the Krusty down and out is a bit overplayed. Sideshow Luke Perry was pretty nice.

Two Dozen and One Greyhounds – See my vest!

Homer vs. Apu – Who needs the Kwik-i-Mart? The bit was James Woods was nice, but going to the Kwik-i-mart headquarters in India was dumb.

Lisa the Vegetarian – You don’t win friends will salad!

Bart Gets Famous – I didn’t do it. This one starts at the box factory, then Bart gets a job at the TV studio and becomes famous for his lame Catch Phrase. This one was close to tier 3.

"That's what passes for entertainment these
days?  Woozle Wuzzle?" 

There, you go. Tons of great stuff, and this is just the beginning. If you thought these were classic, just wait for the next round.
Feel from to post comments on my selections and funny stuff I did not mention

Simpsons Best Episodes Countdown Begins!

Yes, I have alluded to this many times in the past, but it is finally here, THE SIMPSONS BEST EPISODES COUNTDOWN.

This is tough stuff, tough stuff. There are over 400 episodes to choose, from, and we all know the last 8-10 years have not been very good, but there is still SO MUCH quality, so much to laugh at.
Criteria will be how funny it is (obviously), how memorable it is, how well the episode flows, how well the humor holds up over time (is it still funny after several viewings?), and just overall likability.
I will again be using the tier system, I am really, how can you compare Stark Raving Dad vs. Radioactive Man or Flaming Moe's vs. King Size Homer?
There will be 4 tiers plus honorable mention, but the top tier, the TOP 13 Simpsons Episodes will be ranked. Nice. In all, there are almost 100 episodes on this list, episodes at least worthy of mention when talking about great Simpson's Episodes.


We will start will honorable mention, in no particular order......

Treehouse of Horror II - monkey's paw, "The turkey's a little dry"
Itchy & Scratchy Land -

We need more "Bort" license plates in the gift shop.  I repeat,
  we are sold out of "Bort" license plates.

Lisa The Iconoclast
Homer the Smithers
When Flanders Failed - " Ned Flanders is in trouble?!!!!!"
Much Apu About Nothing - 47 Star Flag
Homerpalooza - Hey, my shoes are talking too!
The Telltale Head
Homer vs the 18th Amendment - Must have been that bean I ate
King of the Hill - Murderhorn
Thirty Minutes of Tokyo
Life on the Fast Lane - Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
Dancing Homer
Saturdays of Thunder
Lisa the Greek
Old Money - the scene with people trying to get grandpa's money is definitely the precursor to the oil money in Who Shot Mr. Burns Pt 1
Bart the Daredevil
Homer vs the 8th Commandment- this is one of the first episodes I really remember watching
El Viaje Misterioso de Neustro Jomer
Treehouse of Horror VII-

Kodos: It's true, we are aliens. But what are you going to do about
  it? It's a two-party system; you have to vote for one of us.
   [murmurs]
Man1: He's right, this is a two-party system.
Man2: Well, I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate.
Kang: Go ahead, throw your vote away.
   [Kang and Kodos laugh out loud]
   [Ross Perot smashes his "Perot 96" hat]





There you go, and that was just honorable mention, some classic episodes already.
I'm sure as we go on more feather's will be rustled, more feelings hurt.  This is indeed a touchy subject.

You are encouraged to post other great quotes and moments from these episodes.

More LOST Randomness

I got a special treat today, got to see two new (to me) episodes of LOST. I missed last weeks and didn't get a chance to watch it online. I'll comment more on the new one from today than the one from last week.
Last week's was cool, but also predictable. Nothing too new happened, except for the return of Christian and Locke turning the wheel. It was also graphic - pulled off arm, rotting arm and bodies, and compound fracture, man. Still intrigued about The Temple.
Today's episode really sped things up. Normally, I do not like and episode that does not primarily take place on the island, but this was an exception. Also, Daniel's mother was very unLOSTesque, thatwhole part of the story. She was revealed in the season premier, I think that was how the show ended, but there really wasn't much to her character tonight. The whole just-go-on-the-plane-and-see-what-happens is very unlike LOST. No explanation needed I guess.
But it was exciting to see who would actually be on the plane.
And per LOST usual, more and more questions are brought forth.
What happened to the plane?
What happened to Ben? Who was his friend?
Why/how did Hurley, Kate, and Sayid come on the plane?
Who made it to the island?
Will Desmond somehow get back too?
Why was Jin in the Van?

Well, I'll give some speculative answers to some of these questions.
I'm guessing Kate came due to something to do with Claire, probably seeing her again.
Hurley most likely was told by Charlie, hence the guitar case.
Sayid was probably arrested for something set up by Ben.
I'm not sure why Ben has such injuries.
I'm pretty sure the entire Oceanic 5 (boo to Aaron) plus Ben and Frank will be on the island. The more characters the better.
And as for the end of the episode, it looks like the island and people have stopped "flashing" through time, due to Locke's pushing the frozen donkey wheel, and have been stuck somewhere/sometime in the 1970s. This would explain Jin in the Dharma van, put an end to the problem of "flashing" nosebleed sickness, and link it back to the first scene of this season. Remember Daniel and Dr. Candle and Daniel?
At the least, they have been stuck somewhere long enough to get jobs and be part of Dharma.
And it's clear the writers are speeding things up, putting people back together again.

Oh, it's all so interesting. I'm excited to see Locke back, and what that is all about.
Good deal.

11 Straight Years?

The Wisconsin Badger Basketball team has made the NCAA tournament 10 straight years. That is pretty good, but will they make it 11? That is a big question now. As of today, I would say Wisconsin is a solid bubble team.

They can go either way.

At the beginning of the year, I would have put them in the tournament in a heartbeat. I expected them to be the 3rd best team in the Big 10 after Michigan State and Purdue. The started out fine, but then hit a horrible stretch. A few weeks ago, it definitely looked like they would be NIT bound this year, but they have recently righted themselves.

So will they make it?

I say yes.

There remaining schedule has Indiana twice, Michigan at home, and at Minnesota and Michigan State. If they win at Michigan State or Minnesota, they will be a lock. If not, they will remain on the bubble until the conference tournament.

It helps that they have the 4th toughest schedule this year and that the Big 10 is better this year.I was worried for a bit, but things are looking up. I see one NCAA tourney win.

Things that aren't so great about football (soccer)

Ok, being the responsible blogger that I am (sort of) I'd like to like at both sides of the English football coin.

Last week I presented a the case (with great pictures) of why football is so great. And it is great, I stick by that, but there are some things that are not so great, and in some cases down right bad. So here are the negatives.

And I'm not going with the common American misconception that soccer sucks because it is low scoring. 1-0 games and 0-0 games can be great, much more exciting than a 12-1 baseball game or a 122-85 basketball game fo sho.

1. Violence/Racism - I think sometimes in the US we are shielded from how bad racism is in the rest of the developed world. Things that happen there are simply not acceptable here. It happens occasionally in England, but is common in Western and Eastern Europe. Just a few years ago when England was playing in Spain, Spanish fans made monkey noises toward black English players. WOW! In Italy, Roman club Lazio are known to be racist. Players sometimes Hail Hitler salute the crowd. Wow. If this happen here, someone would get their ass beat. There are instances of black players having bananas thrown at them. WOW! And don't get me started on Eastern Europe. It is much worse there. Some teams are not allowed to host games because fans are so racist. Man.

The violence part is a bit more mixed. Some Hooliganism is cool and funny. It's ok when hooligans fight each other, but then instant people get hurt, that is crossing the line. Hooliganism can be part of the game, but sometimes people die, and that is obviously over the line. But sometimes it can be funny, like recently when Milwall fans kicked their seats off to throw at the opposing fans. Nice.

2. No salary cap - For all the parody that the tiered league system creates, there is a definitely unbalance of power. There are a few elite teams in Europe and other simply cannot compete with them in terms of money. In England there are a "big four" who are the biggest club and have the most money. Only once in the past 5 years has a team other than them finished in the top 4. And as the "big 4" win more and more and get better and better players, the gap gets larger and larger. It simply isn't fair. They are able to buy the best players from smaller clubs and the smaller clubs have to do it so they can survive. It is a brutal cycle. And this is not unique to England, it occurs in Italy, Spain, Portugal, and Holland. The big teams are allows good because they have the most money. It is like having 20 Yankees in Europe

3. Diving - Ok, Diving sucks. It is part of the game. Worse is pretending to be injured. I hate that. I'm not sure what really can be done about it. Maybe if you come off the field "injured" you have to stay off for five minutes.

4. Not strong domestically - MLS baby! It kind of blows. Our best players are young Americans who will soon go to Europe and washed up foreigners. It is unfortunate that the league is not strong.

Indoor soccer is a joke. All of it is too youth oriented.
But the MLS is making the national team stronger.

And lastly one that is both great and horrible.....
Witchcraft.

Why Football (soccer) is so Great

So, I write about sports pretty often, and occasionally soccer, or football, as the cool kids call it. I would write about it more, but I'm not sure my readers would be so interested. But, I love football so much, as it is pretty much the best thing in the world and I thought I'd tell you why, or moreso let you into my reasoning and why it is so great to me.

Ok, a lot of people in the US, don't like soccer, and that is fine. They find it boring and see it as unamerican. Well, here is a bit of an answer to that, but it also my strengthen some people's reasoning for not liking it, as much of my evidence comes from Europe.


Why is football (soccer) so great?

1. Worldwide Appeal


No other sport can compete in terms of being a global game. Basketball is stepping up, but can't really compare. Soccer has amazing worldwide play and fan support. There are leagues in pretty much every country. Even North Korea plays, or at least did play.
It goes far beyond that, though. If you know about football, you can get along with pretty much anyone in the world. It is a common ground. Kids in Africa, old men in Mexico, tribesmen in American Samoa, workers in Iceland all love football. Names like Rooney, Henry, Ronaldo teams like Arsenal, Man United, Barcalona, AC Milan are rooted on by all. Teams in England have players from the US, Mexico, Togo, Egypt, Bulgaria and pretty much every country in between.
People in Zambia pay 50 schillings to sit on a mat and watch games. Kids in the slums of Brazil make balls using tape and runner bands and whatever they can find.
1 billion people watch the World Cup finals.
Yes, you cannot compare the worldwide appeal, fan base, leagues, players, globaliztion of soccer to anything else in the world.

2. League Structure

This one could also be number 1. The way soccer leagues around the globe are set up is FAR superior to American sports leagues.
Most countries have a multiple tiered league system. There will be anywhere from 3-5 five professional leagues under a central control, pretty much one huge league, with a number of non-professional tiers below that. And what makes it so great is the relegation system. The worst teams go down to the lower leagues at the end of the season and the best teams go up. This makes things immeasurably more interesting. Every game counts no matter who is playing who at what time. Things at the bottom of the league are often times more interesting than at the top. So instead of tanking to get a draft pick the teams at the bottom are fighting to stay in the upper leagues.
There is also room for small clubs to move up. Results are the only thing that matter. Wigan and Fulham, now in the Premier League were in the 4th level just 10 years ago. And big teams that don't perform are now in the 3rd level.
It just makes things way for interesting. Face it, the Brewers of the 1990's didn't deverse to be in the Majors. And do the Lions deserve to be in the NFL? No way.

Cup competitons are also cool and make football great. Within each season there are various Cup competions (tournaments outside of league play) in which part of a league or in some cases the entire country compete. This is professional and non-professional alike. Think of a huge NCAA tournament with every college in the nation competing, only there is no seeding, spots are picked like lottery numbers. So MATC could play Duke. This my sound like a lot of blowouts will take place, but with every blowout there is an upset or an almost upset or two of the best teams meeting in an early round. Just a few years ago 5th tier team Exeter City tied Manchester United at Manchester United and then got to host them in the tiny stadium. Football! Cups allow for unpredicatiblity in a sometime predictable sport.

And then there are the Champion's Leagues where all the winners from a continent from the previous year play in a tournament. It pits the best in the world against each other and shows who is truly the best in the region.

3. Local Ties

Despite #1 football is also still very much a local game. Each club has a youth team as well and a under 16s and and under 18s and often times, despite the influx of foreign players, these local youth players make the 1st team. Most of the higher level teams will have a few local players who have been there since they were kids. And as you get lower and lower, there is more local involvement. Craig Counsell is the only local player I can think of for the Brewers in the last decade.
And even more important is who you support. You support the team from where you are from. Many people have had season tickets for generations. Fathers take their kids to the games and then later the kids take their kids. Local pride is key. London alone has about 10 teams in the professional leagues. It is easy here; we all root for the Brewers and Packers, but image if Waukesha, Racine, and Beloit had teams as well. And there is no rooting for multiple teams.
You can't root for say Marquette, UWM, and Wisconsin. You love one and hate the other. One of my biggest pet peeves in NY and Chicago people that like all there area teams.
But people live and die for their local clubs, no matter what division there is instense support. And when local teams play each other, it is and event to say the least. Moving teams to make money is unheard of.

4. The World Cup


The World Cup is the world's best sporting event. I don't think there can be any argument. It only takes place every four years, which makes it more important, and it is truly a world event. Everyone attempts to qualify. Places like Togo and Cote d'Ivoire had national holidays and, get this, cease fires, when they first qualified for the World Cup. Qualification goes on for TWO YEARS prior to the World Cup itself. It is watched by more people than anything else in the World, makes heroes out of known and unknown players, shit, someone was killed for scoring an owe goal. In most countries the World Cup effects politics, economy, and even war. WOW, worthy of the name.

5. Passion


Just listen to audio of a team scoring a goal. Listen to the crowd go CRAZY in the background. The only thing I can compare the intensity of a European football game is the student section and a big college football game, but in Europe, the fans aren't drunk, they just love the game.
It will make a grown man cry or make a grandfather yell "F--- Off!"
Teams are diveded by city, neighborhood, religion, ethnicity.
It will bring kids out of the slums.
It will put a country or city on the map.
But most importantly, it is an integral part of daily life.

#39

There are many distinguished player numbers in sports - 4, 7, 20, 23, 32, 33, 80, 92 - known due to a single great player or a string of very good players. The new hot number ?
39
You heard it here first. It is by no means a historically significant player number, with the most famous to wear it being Roy Campanella and Larry Csonka, but it is a number on the rise.
Two of the NFL's hot young running backs - Willie Parker and Steven Jackson- wear it and it is beginning to be much more popular in the English Premier League.

Why do I know this you ask?
Well, I have a certain affinity to the number 39. It is an odd sports number and not often seen, but I chose it for my soccer number 5 years ago when we first formed our team. I wore it first to be unique, which it still is, and second because I like French Striker Nicola Anelka, then wearing 39 for Manchester City and probably the only player in the English Premier League to do so. He then took it to Turkey, then Bolton and now Chelsea. Soccer numbers are even more traditional than football. Strikers are usually number 9, the goalie number 1, the center midfielder number 10, and defenders low numbers. That is still close to the case today, but there are the occassional outliers, and teams play more and more they need more and more players, bigger teams mean more numbers in use.
Case in point, last week, where Tuesday saw #39 Belhadj for Portsmouth get a red card and Wednesday saw new signing for Man City Craig Bellemy score in his debut donning the 39 and also Andy Carroll for Newcastle scored in the 39 jersey.

I'm sure there are some baseball 39s I am forgetting and of course, there are no basketball 39s. Also Wisconsin running back J.P. Hill wears/wore it and some hockey players do as well.

So 39 is great. I was like at the beginning of the pyramid scheme, so I am proud and take notice of new 39s. Pretty soon everyone will be wearing it, but for now it is both unique and awesome.

Bonus: What former Packer wore 39 and holds a special place in my memory?

Sports Doldrums

Even the most hardcore sports fan would recognize a few down times for sports, where there is seemingly nothing to get excited about. One of these times is about to begin.

Post Superbowl - March Madness and Post NBA finals to NFL opening day.
I would argue to extend both of these, especially this year, because I really don't care about a Steelers/Cardinals Superbowl and the NBA playoffs just take an eternity. So for me it is A.) When the Packers are finished through the start of March Madness and B.) the end of Wimbledon to NFL Kickoff. I'll take a quick look at the pros and cons of these periods.

A.) There is an obvious let down when the Packers are finished, but I will usually watch the NFL playoffs regardless. February is the worst month. It is saved by college basketball conference play and European football (soccer). January and February are actually the busiest months in England. But unfortunately, Sportcenter is full of NBA and NHL?? highlights. NCAA b-ball is great, but who can really get excited about a Michigan State-Northwestern or Georgetown-Depaul matchup. It's too inconsitant to follow.
And I understand most Americans don't enjoy soccer, but it is great - See future post for more on this.
Feburary is tough, though, because you know what is coming next. March Madness and Baseball opening day. Probably the best time for sports.

B.) July, nothing but baseball and golf. Man, good thing the days are long and the weather is nice. If you are really hurting, the NFL preseaon starts in August, but that may even be more boring to watch on TV than baseball.
The good thing about the summer, though, is that your team could possibly play 29-30 games a month, so there is never really a day where there is nothing to watch. But in a 162 season, no single game really matters. And once every four years is the glory of the World Cup to save the summer.

So, taking everything into account- active sports, TV watching, live watching, fantasy sports, Shaq, your teams- let me know which period you think is worse as a sports fan. Or possibly, you love them all.

Lost Season 5 Premiere Preview

Ok. I guess the term preview is a bit of a misnomer, because I have no actual inside knowledge of what will happen in tomorrow’s Lost Season 5 premiere episode. This will be pretty much just me talking about the show, pretty much like a normal blog entry of mine.

What will happen?

Ok, I don’t really know. I am very curious about how this season will be set up. I hope it will begin right where they left off, and how they usually lead off, on the island, you know, the next day. But the problem with that is the only traditional Survivors of the crash still on the island are Sawyer, Bernard, and Rose and none of them really seem to want to leave the island. You also have Julia, who wants to leave the island, at the beach and the three freighter folk – Daniel, Charlotte, and Miles – who all have vastly different stories and reasons for being on the island, and this is assuming Daniel gets back with his little raft.
Also on the island then are Locke, seemingly taking over for Ben as leader of the others, who are back to wearing there “others” clothes and Claire who seems to be on some sort of drugs. I don’t really know what Locke will do with the others and what Claire is up to.
And then, you got the Oceanic 6 – Kate, Jack, Hurley, Sun, Sayid, and Aaron – off the island seeming 3 years in the future along with Ben.
Desmond is with Penny. And Lapidus is off wherever, probably trying to find more answers.
Jack’s Ghost dad seems to now be the second weirdest character on the island, after Jacob, who we have not seen, well ever, or at least since Locke’s 1st trip to the cabin with Ben.
And Charles Widmore still doing his thang.

Ok, so this turned from a what will happen next into a recap of season 4. But that makes sense
Here is what I do anticipate happening.
- Desmond’s “happy ending” will somehow be thwarted, possibly be Charles Widmore, and he will be drawn back to the island. I’m not sure if this was the original plan, but the show would not get rid of it’s most popular character.
- I see there being no ground zero here, instead, there will be two main starting points – the day after on the island, or at least after the moving of the island, and 2-3 years in the future with the Oceanic 6. Traditional Flashbacks and Flash-forwards will then only occasionally appear
- The Freighter Folk will have much more expanded role this season – which would have happened last year if not for the writer’s strike

- Story-lines that we will see
· How Charlotte is related to the island
· Flashbacks of Ben and the Others, way back perhaps telling more about Richard Alpert, what they did after the killed all the Dharma people, Ben's Grade-School crush Annie and how the Others got to the island in the 1st place
· Flash-forward to Locke tracking down all the Oceanic 6, but probably not yet how he got off the island, or how he died
· more about Jack’s dad
· How Desmond gets drawn back to the island
· Future Sun, Sayid, and Kate becoming equally as unstable as Jack and Hurley
· Jin and Charlie will remain dead
· more about Miles’ “powers”
· more experiments by Daniel, assuming he can find the island, or possibly he will be reunited with Desmond, that would be cool

- Jack will shave his beard
- Jack will be intense and unhappy
- it will be revealed that Ben killed Nadia
- More questions will be poised
- as usual, no questions will really be answered

There you go. If this preview is not sufficient, watch the real shows tomorrow, but don’t be disappointed when no questions are really answered. There are previews out there on youtube and of course a thorough wikipedia preview, but thank you for reading Big Dunc’s definitive Lost Season 5 Preview.