Thursday, December 20, 2007

Lionel Hutz

Over the past few years, Lionel Hutz has developed into my favorite Simpsons character. He is consistantly funny and not overused, both very important. I guess he is a lower second tier characeter, first tier being the family, probably Mr. Burns and Flanders, second tier Moe, Barney, Ralph (over-rated), and lower, lesser seen and loved charaters like Lenny and Carl and Lionel Hutz.

It is those middle level characters that make the show. Hutz is the prime example of this.
There is a lack of Simpsons video online, probably copyright stuff, so I'll give you a number of quotes to prove my case, kind of like a trial-thingy.

It's hard to determine the "best" Hutz quote, so I won't. Here are a sampling of ones that make me laugh. I think I've used Lionel Hutz quotes no less than 4 times this past month as my gchat status.

(Speaking about Homer getting kicked out of the All-you-can-eat- buffet)
Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story.
Homer: So you think I have a case?
Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I don't use the word 'hero' lightly, but you are the greatest hero in American History.

Hutz: Mrs Simpson, don't you worry. I watched Matlock in bar last night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the jist of it.

(I think this was his first appearance)
Hutz: Mr. Simpsosn, the state forbids me from promising a big cash settlment. But just between you and me, I promise you a big cash settlement.

(After Hutz ran out of the court room)
Homer: He left his briefcase. Hey, it's just full of shredded newspapers.

Captain: Twas a moonless night, dark as pitch, when out of the mist came a beast more stomach than man.
Homer: Hey
Captain: So I says "Batten down the mizzenmast, mates"
Hutz: Captain McAllister, isn't it a fact that you're not a real captain?
Captain: (in shame) aye

Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace 'accidently' with 'repeatedly', and 'dog' with 'son'.

Hutz: Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims she forgot she was carrying that bottle of.....delcious bourbon. Brownest of the Brown liqours. What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of the trial.

Hutz: (watching LA Law) Oh, sure, like lawyers work in big skyscapers and have seccretaries. Look at him. He's wearing a belt! There's hollywood for you.

Yes only some of the best click here for a link to more Lionel Hutz
Phil Hatman was a genious. Damn his wife. Damn her.
Stay tuned for more Simpsons post in the future as well as a look at Christmas movies later this week.
AC said 10%

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Writer Rabbitt

Haven't written in a minute, sorry.

Sometime I want to be a writer, not like a blog writer, but real literature. I may have some of this to owe to the great Apple IIE game Writer Rabbitt or maybe an influential teacher or something. Who knows? But when I think I could be a great writer I am often reminded that I am just not gifted and talented enough. I lack flair. One thing in particular that reminds me of this are the brilliant emails from a great friend of mine, just awesome and hilarious. Here's the first two I ever received. SORRY ABOUT THE OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE but that is part of the mystique.

"Harry Potter opens tonight, motha fuckas, I already bought my fucking tickets. That little N**ger's about to go off on that fucking snake.
Friday 3 opens next week, but I don't think i'll pay to see that.
Eminem's movie hasn't got a bad review yet, and i can't wait to see it.
Paul Thomas Anderson's new movie also has not been viewed by me, because am a cocksucker."

#2- two days later
"Harry Potter let me down. That little bitch ass n**ger almost put me to sleep with his bullshit. Why am I constantly let down by those I love? You can tell that little girl is going to be a fuckfest, though. Fuck Harry Potter. Fuck that ni**ger in the ass."

like I said, brilliant. Can't teach that.
Here are a couple more samples:

"Yes, life is finally complete now. I saw Webster. That's right, Emmanuel Lewis was shopping at the gap at 10 at night.
That little bastard has a heart as big as my dick. He was shopping in the kids section because of his freakish disease.
All the fucking immigrant workers didn't know who he was. I chastised them for not being American. God bless me. FUCKING WEBSTER!!!!!!!!!!!"

talking of a soccer game "Wally Zoller running up the fucking line for 90 minutes like the field was the size of a tennis court. My shouts of Go, Wally, Go my have drew eventual laughter from the crowd, but I believe in my heart that they knew this soccer angel was performing like the great Germans of old."

You see? greatness.
I only hope one day to have the ability and audacity to write such brilliance.
If you would like more examples from this great American writer, let me know.
Thank God for saved emails.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Things I like right now.

It's been a while since I've written about random nothingness, so here it goes. Here's a list of things I like right now.

Music-Carnival Vol. II Wyclef's newest CD, just came out a few days ago. Pretty good so far- great tracks with Norah Jones, Paul Simon, Mary J. Blige
"We Takin' Over"- DJ Khaled
"I Believe" - Blessed Union of Souls
"Both Sides Now" - Joni Mitchell
"I'll Fly with You" - Gigi D'Augustino, a real banger
"Hallelujah" - Jeff Buckley
"Smile" - Lily Allen
"Make it Rain" - remix
"Changes" - David Bowie
" 911" Wyclef and Mary J
" Notorious Thugs" Biggie and Bone Thugs

Movies- Haven't really seen many movies lately in theaters or on DVD. I do wanna see "I Am Legend", looks pretty nice.

Books- Right now I'm reading "My Life with the Saints" by James Martin and "Claudius the God" by Robert Graves.

TV- I'm still holding it down for reality TV. Right now...
Survivor- not the best season, though, no one I really like a lot. Still my favorite, though.
The Amazing Race- pretty good season from what I've seen
Project Runway- yeah, I admit it, I really like this show. I know nothing about design and will never make any clothes, but it's well done. And there is quite a cast of characters this year. I'm also looking forward to Top Chef. Bravo knows what's up.
Heroes- my non-reality entry. Lots going on. A bit crazy, but cool.
Lost- well, it's not on right now, and I didn't see the end of season 3, but maybe Christmas.

Girls- I'm pretty much a ladies man and got tons of game, at least in my head, but there is always time to day dream.
Mandy Moore- always been high on my list. For some reason, based on her career choices, I think she'd be pretty cool too. Yeah
Emmy Rossum- The one from "The Day After Tomorrow" and "Phantom of the Opera". If you don't know her or don't believe me, check out the pics on her website. Holla
Maggie Grace- don't know too much about her, just the hot girl on Lost. But check out this amazing pic. Most be photoshopped or something. Wow.
Alicia Keys- greatly talented and greatly attractive.

Sports Stuff- College basketball is back. That makes me happy.
Yakubu- hat trick yesterday, and my Toffees are on quite a run.
Packers- Yes. I thought they would be average this year at best, but wow. Favre is playing maybe his best ever. Our recievers are maturing and the defense as well. Grant is good and now even special teams is stepping up. Yes.
Tennis- US won Davis Cup for first time since 1995, 'bout time.

Random Stuff- I live somewhere with a fire place for the first time. It is pretty nice.
I also live somewhere very dark for the first time, and man, the stars are great, beautiful.
Facebook is fun.
I've been laughing a lot lately.
Work is pretty good. I'm gonna be on a bus tour soon traveling the country. I'll keep you posted.
RC Cola
I have a pretty nice beard.
I like karyoke and pub trivia, but haven't done them for a minute. Gotta change that.
Nintendo Wii is pretty nice. Far some reason I always make my characeter (Mii) have platinum hair. Yes.

That's about all you need to know about Tony "Bizzie" Brown for now.
Holla, Holla, Holla

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Best Sports Movies (Final)

This is it.

2.) Hoosiers (1986)
Tagline: They needed a second chance to finish first.

There was some debate, just among myself, whether Hoosiers should take the top spot. I believe the sports intself are better, but I love number one too much.
That scene above is pretty inpressive and emotional. I remember seeing on the scoreboard at Brewer games when we were losing in the late innings, which was pretty often. (They would play this, or John Belushi scene in Animal House- classic "When the going gets tough...")
Anyway, the best underdog story ever. Small, small town against the big school. They can barely field a team. I also love the scene where the short player, who barely ever plays makes the free throws underhand to win the game. And the scene where they have a town meeting to decide if the fire the coach or not and the star player final shows up and says if the coach stays he'll finally play. Gene Hackman is perfect. Dennis Hopper is great as the drunk father.
Man, totally the definition of a sports movie. Awesome. And it's based on a true story.

P.S. The definiton of hoosier - an awkward, unsophisticated person esp. a rustic- makes this move even better, a perfect fit.

1.) The Karate Kid (1984)
Tagline: He taught him the secret of Karate lies in the mind and heart. Not in the hands.

Well, #1, we made it. It was a daunting task, but an enjoyable one. But really, was number one ever in doubt? No, the Karate Kid is my favorite movie, or on of my three favorite moives (The Karate Kid, In America, Star Wars). I love it! It's usually not to high on most people's lists, but hey, this is my list.
There is so much greatness, I don't know what to talk about.
Well, first video is brilliant "Get 'em a Body Bag!" totally imprinted on my chil
dhood. Most people don't know about the baller soundtrack- "You're the best", Survivor, and Cruel Summer by Bananarama. Yes!
And the whole relationship between Daniel and Ali (Elizabeth Shue- HOT) is suprisingly great. You got the soccer- he teaches her to juggle, great pick-up move, I gotta try it-, the beach, the school scenes, the Halloween Party, the date at the arcade, the fallout, the country club, the redemption, the support at the tournament, and that hug at the end- beautiful.

And there is the serious side of Mr. Miyagi which people often forget. He's not just this teacher/funny foriegn comic relief charcter. His past is rough. The anniversary scene is deep. His family died in an inturnment camp while he was fighting for the US. Man!

And, then there is the stuff that everybody loves about the Karate Kid- the kid getting back at the rich bullies. Daniel-san really got his shit kicked in a few times. The "wax-on, wax-off", the catching flies with chopsticks.

"Have you ever caught one?"
"Not a-yet"
All the training sequences are pretty raw.
Waxing, sanding, painting, staining- he really did a lot of work. And he got the nice car. The scene where Daniel-san realizes he was actually getting taught something was great.
And there was soccer. Yes. Daniel really railed the heck out of one of the guys that beat him up, but got kicked off the team and loses his chance to make friends and impress Ali. Shoot.
Even Cobra Kai is pretty cool.

"Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it?"
"Pain does not exist in this dojo, does it?"
"Defeat does not exist in the dojo, does it?"

Again, the allure is in the idea that sports can raise you up. It's a way to beat the rich kids, to get the hot girls, to make great friends, to be better than those who are supposedly better than you. It's a truly equal playing field. And this medium then transcends to all other parts of life.

Yeah, so below is the final scene. Touching, famous, emotional. One of the best in movies.
Sweep the leg.
Miya-gee dojo.
Danny Larusso, I love you!
There's much more I could write, but the satisfaction on Mr. Miyagi's face at the end shows it all.

Sports Movies (Part VI)

4.) Breaking Away (1979)

Maybe one of the lesser know films on the list, but I'm very glad to have it this high. My only regret is that I sold my copy to my brother after a brief phase of trying to sell possessions and give the money to the poor. (yeah, didn't last too long, now my lack of possessions is due to my lack of money) And cycling? Yes. Raw business. This has Daniel Stern and Dennis Quaid. Just the epitome of the outsiders against the cool kids and the whole "what am I gonna do with my life?" theme. I love the biking scenes, especially the classic one of pacing himself against the semi-truck, but I believe the scene above is a better indication of why the movie is so good. It's not really about the sport itself, but how sports have the possibility of raising one up over circumstances, over environment, and higher than those supposedly better than you. It's a way to get back at everyone else who is thought to be better than you or at least how you believe it will do that.
The scene in the college dining hall is great, and of course the little 500 is awesome and emotional. Dave falls off the bike. The others give up except for Moocher, then his effort makes them keep going, and then Dave has his feet taped to the pedals. And they win. And his dad accepts his choice of sport. And the frat boys are beat. Pretty much everything you want.
And the whole Cutters thing is great, the whole class divide idea. I think freshman year I I saw a group of four girls dressed for halloween as the Cutters, bikes and everything. I was super excited, pretty much the best costume ever.

3.) Rocky (1976)
Tagline: His whole life he was a million-to-one shot.

No explanation needed here. Rocky is what all other sports movies are measured against. It even won an oscar for best picture. Wow. Really there's nothing I can say that you don't already know and that is why Rocky is so good. I don't need a video. And the best part?
Rocky lost.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Best Sports Movies (Part V)

6.) Field of Dreams (1989)
Tagline: All his life, Ray Kinsella was searching for his dreams. Then one day, his dreams came looking for him.

"If you build it they will come." Probably one of the most famous quotes in movies over the past couple decades, but I like the scene above much better. James Earl Jones aka Terence Mann. Pretty nice. I also love his earlier line, "We got learning disability here?"
Great movie. James Earl Jones, Kevin Costner, Burt Lancaster, Ray Liotta, Gaby Hoffman (what happened to her?) Pretty much everyone comes out better in the end. Dreams do come true. I love Moonlight Graham sacrificing his chance to play ball to save the daughter. I love the brother getting served in the end. Maybe even makes me want to "have a catch".
All the scenes with interchange between Terence and Ray are awesome. Ease his muthafuckin' pain. Oh, and a bonus is the James Earl Jones scene below from Seasme Street. Yes!

5.) Caddyshack
Tagline: At last, a comedy that bites!

Pretty much one of the funniest movies ever. I really don't have to say much about it. It speaks for itself. The montage is great, plus a Journey song. Gotta love it. Maybe not high enough, but the last four are banging, and I think the gofer gets a little too much play.
Chevy Chase's performance was awesome, by far the best. (See the best scene below.) Here's some more.

Judge Smails: You know you should play with Dr. Bepper and myself. Why he's been the club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.

Ty Webb: I like you Betty.
Danny Noonan: It's Danny sir.
Ty: Danny

Ty: Do you take drugs Danny?

Danny: Every day.
Ty: Good. Then what's your problem?
Danny: I don't know.

Ty (singing and playing piano to the Judges hot neice): I was born to love you/ I was born to lick your face/I was born to rub you/ but you were born to rub me first/ ...What do you say we take this out on the patio?

Judge: What did you shoot today?
Ty: Oh, judge, I don't keep score.
Judge: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
Ty: By height.

Lacey Underall: My uncle says you got a screw loose.
Ty: Your uncle molests collies.

Ty: Remember Danny- two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Best Sports Movies (Part IV)

8) Rudy (1993)
Tagline: When people say dreams don't come true, tell them about Rudy.

I like the tagline for this one. Pretty, pretty nice. I'm pretty sure this movie has brought me very near to tears. I used to like Notre Dame, but my appreciation has greatly dropped over the past few years. But nevertheless, I love this movie. What he goes through to play is so great. Man, his friend dies to gives him the fire to try to achieve his dream. He goes to junior college. He sleeps in the janitor's room. (just like Leo in Growing Pains.) He paints the helmets. He makes the practice team. Works his ass off and never gets to play until his final game where he gets a sack on the last play and is carried off the field. Great.
Oh, and I love Roc, the guy who was a great player but didn't work hard then quit the team or something. And the kid who got on the team cause his father was real good. And I think my favorite scene was the one where the huge lineman took it easy on Rudy and didn't block him and Rudy got real pissed saying that this was his way of helping the team and then on the next plays the lineman just leveled him over and over. Oh, and my other favorite scene was when Rudy wasn't on the dress roster for the last game, and all the players go to the coach and lay down their jerseys and tell the coach they want Rudy to dress in their place. Nice.
Oh, and all that Rudy went through to play, all his effort and determination really makes me wish I would've put more effort in and worked harder. "I coulda been somebody." Now I'm just fat and lazy.
P.S. I love Sean Astin's carreer choices: Goonies, Encino Man, Rudy, Lord of the Rings, Meerkat Manor

7.) Raging Bull (1980)

Great Movie. I heard so much about it, though, before seeing it that maybe it was a bit disappointing. Great work by De Niro. Great boxing scenes, but more than that. It showed all that there is to be a huge athlete, or at least attempt to be a huge athlete. Good stuff. Love the black and white.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Best Sports Movies (Part III)

10.) Seabiscuit (2003)
Tagline: A long shot becomes a legend.

Another great movie. It had it all. Maybe too much. You got the rich owner (Jeff Bridges) who has his son die and is pretty much depressed until this horse comes along. You got the mysterious "horse-whisperer" (Chris Cooper). You got the jockey (Toby Maguire) who not only is hard working, never give up figure, but also has a physical handicap. And you got the horse itself who everyone has given up on and can't race and can't tame. And you got the rich guys new young happy-go-lucky-don't-stop believin' wife and William H. Macy. Wow. Loaded. And the best part is the Depression back drop and the fact that Seabiscuit actually gave hope to the common people. That's why I included the historical footage clip. Pretty cool.

9.) Remember the Titans (2000)
Tagline: They came together when their classmates and loved ones would not.

A pretty lame tagline I must admit, but a great film. Again a movie that has it all, but this time it all fits together perfectly and does not overwhelm. You got the high sports theme and the racism theme. When put together.....golden. You got the racist small town hating on the new coach Denzel. You got the racist player getting kicked off the team. You back the backup, hippie California quarterback having to come in after an injury to the starter. You got one guy switching from offense to defense. You got the racist girlfriend. You got the racist administration. You got the two captains- one black, one white, one offense, one defense- bringing their team together and becoming friends. You got the muddy games, the cold games, the close games, the little used players stepping up. You got the star player getting into a major car accident after win getting them to state. You got the community and the team coming together in the end winning with the injured guy listening in the hospital. And on top of it all, it is all told in flashback years later at the funeral of the injured Ray.
PLUS you have a young Hayden Panettiere as the high school football loving daughter of the assistant coach. This girl LOVES the shit out of some high-school football. If you've seen the movie you know what I'm talking about. She's like 10, but knows everything about the team. Hilarious. I would have mentioned it whether she grew up to be a pretty banging 18 year old Hero or not.

Yeah, this movie has got pretty much everything. And after watching it, everyone really will Remember the Titans.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Best Sports Movies (Part II)

Alright, here's the continuation of the countdown. Sorry about that crazy font in yesterday's post that got progressively larger. Don't know what was up with that.
Back to the countdown.
13. Chariots of Fire (1981)
Tagline: This is the story of two men who run...not to run...but to prove something to the world. They will sacrifice anything to achieve their goals...Except their honor.

Pretty much a classice again and you can't think of it without the Vangelis song in the background. Oh, and the story is great too with the whole Jew/Christian dynamic and the not selling out for your sport. Pretty nice. Another one I want to see again.

12. Million Dollar Baby (2004)
Tagline: Beyond his silence, there is a past. Beyond her dreams, there is a feeling. Beyond hope, there is memory. Beyond their journey, there is love.

Awesome movie- winner of best picture, best director, best actress and best supporting actor. I think I saw this on a plane home from England after reading an SI article about it in the airport on my way to England. Really shows incredible determination and guts from Maggie and has the old, cynical, grizzled coach in Clint Eastwood. It is a chance for redemdtion for both, to right wrongs for Eastwood and make something of herself for Maggie. The scenes with her family were absolutely disgusting. Man. Oh, I did see Hilary Shwank in an issue of Esquire (this time purchased in an airport on my way back from Philly- travel really facilitates sports movies, I guess) and she is pretty hot.
An amazingly powerful movie. But also the most depressing movie I have ever seen.

11. Mean Machine (2001)
Tagline: Not your usual suspects

Probably the least recognized film on the list, but I had to put in a soccer movie. Think The Longest Yard, but British. Vinnie Jones does a great job. All the soccer is hilarious, and the whole guards vs. inmates works well, but the center piece of the film is the character just called Monk played by Jason Statham and in the video below. He is totally crazy, or an absolute nutter, as they would say in England. REALLY FUNNY. I suggest you check it out.
I pretty much had to have a soccer movie this high as it is by far my favorite sport. The Big Green was quite up to the snuff to make the list.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Best Sports Movies (Part I)

I've decided to create a countdown list of the best sports movies ever, well, maybe a better title would be My Top 20 Sports Movies, because this is pretty much just a list of the sports movies I like best. Some will coincide with critics picks, some will be movies only I like.
Also, I will have to have seen the entire unedited version of the film, so movies like
North Dallas Forty, Requim, Bang the Drum Slowly, The Natural, Bull Durham, Pride of the Yankees and newer ones like Glory Road, We are Marshall, Invincible- will not be on the list. I think that's enough explanation. So without further ado, here are the Top 20 Sports Movies of All-Time (according to Tony Brown.)

Honorable Mention:
Searching For Bobby Fisher, The Air Up There, The Sandlot, Happy Gilmore, Cool Runnings "Feel the Rhythm, Feel the Ride, Get on down, It's Bobsled time!", Over the Top- it's all about turning the hat backwards, Fever Pitch (soccer one), Best in Show- maybe not sports, but real funny, Wild Hearts Can't be Broken- horse-jumping-into-a- small-pool-of- water is a sport!- this was a channel 24 Saturday afternoon favorite, Mighty Ducks, Bend it Like Beckham- I admit I liked it, Air Bud: World Pup, Air Bud:Seventh Inning Fetch, Air Bud: Golden Receiver, Air Bud: Spikes Back, Bring it On- I like cheerleaders, Spellbound- maybe not a sport by definition, but intense as hell- has the preperation, training, competion, nervousness- maybe I'm saying that because of my Quiz Bowl background- but a great film, You Got Served- no explanation necessary

20. The Cutting Edge (1992)
Tagline: The King of the Rink is about to meet America's Ice Queen

A tender way to start the countdown. Figure Skating? Yes. And I know the Christina Aguilera song in the video doesn't help. But a solid film. Funny at times. DB Sweeny is a good fit and Moira Kelly is just hot enough to overlook the bitchiness of her character and understand the connection of the two- great chemistry. And when they nail the triple Pamchenko, I was pretty excited.
I understand there is a Cutting Edge 2, with the story of the daughter the two have. I might have to check it out.
Okay, now that the romantic comedy is out of the way on to...

19. Rounders (1998)
Tagline: You've got to play the hand you're dealt.

I really debated about putting this on the list, but with characters like Eddie KGB and Grandma, how could I exclude it?
I think this movie was one of the key componets of the blow-up in the popularity in poker over the last few years, especially Hold 'em.
I was really pissed when Worm caused them to get the shit kicked out of them. Good ending.

18. White Men Can't Jump (1992)
Tagline: It ain't easy being this good.

A nice one for all us white kids out there. We can hoop. And wear ridiculous outfits while doing so. I think this was the first ever rated R movie I saw in the theatre.
The scene where Billy first beats Sidney is great and so too are all the scenes where they hustle other people, especially when the dude brings a gun out and the Jeopardy is great too.
The ending, where he finally dunks is a bit corny, but you allow it.
Oh, and Billy Hoyle, what a great white boy name!

17. Rocky IV (1985)
Tagline: He's facing th
e ultimate challenge. And fighting for his life.

I think this one is pretty self-explainatory, easily the 2nd best Rocky movie.
Apollo Creed Dies
Ivan Drago
Rocky is too old and could be killed
And the traing montage, priceless- embedded into my mind as a little child.
And in end, the Commie Soviets cheers for all the courage and heart displayed by Rocky. Yes!
And great soundtrack too- Survivor, James Brown, Kenny Loggins- my college roommate used to listen to it before tests to get hype.

16. The Hurricane (1999)
Tagline: His greatest fight was for justice

I believe out of all the films on this list, this has the least amount of actual sport action, less than five minutes I'd say. Most of it is during the opening credits.
Nevertheless, it is a very inspirational film, but the inspiration is drawn from the inner strength of the character and not is outer action in sports. But Denzel is pretty ripped in this movie.
Reuben Carter shows incredible perseverence while in prison. Also shows the racism both in sports and the justice system. Oh, and the great Bob Dylan song.

15. Hoop Dreams (1994)

Absoluntely the ultimate sports documentary
. The story of two poor Chicago youth- William Gates and Arthur Agee- with the basketball skills to hopefully move them to something better.
We see them both mature greatly during the film and see their "dreams" change and grow as well. Shows all the pressure that having talent brings and all the hopes and dreams not only of your own, but all those around you. I haven't seen this movie for a long time, but now want to see it again. Probably even more relevent today with players going to the NBA straight from high school, not all successful, and so much hype surrounding high school sports.

14. Major League (1989)
Tagline: When these three oddballs tr
y to play hardball, the result is totally screwball.

Pretty much a classic. Got to love Bob Uecker. Got to love Jobu and Willie Mays Hayes, Pedro Cerrano, Wild Thing. A greatly funny movie. Plus the whole loser turn around thing and the pennant chase. And the greedy owner. Oh, and it was filmed at Milwaukee County Stadium, where I watched many-a-game.
"Up your butt Jobu."
"Hey bartender, I think Jobu needs a refill."
"Let's cut the crap Vaughn. I only got one thing to say to you: Strike this mother fucker out."

Major League II, not bad. Major League 3, horrible.

Check back tomorrow for movies 13-9

Friday, November 23, 2007


Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's pretty much great. A day to give thanks (much to be thankful for), eat tons of food, watch football, sleep, see friends, eat more. Yes! Pretty much the greatness of America.

Which Turkey do you like better?

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Why is Harry Potter so Good?

He's just a dorky, sometimes whiny British teenager, so why are the Harry Potter books so good?
The writing is usually very formulaic. So why is it so good?
Many characters are just tropes and stock characters. So why are they so engrossing?

Lots of good questions. I really don't know the answers, but J.K. Rowling really put out something quite cool. I read the first good while in high school and liked it, reading it very quickly, really wanting to know what happened next. And I guess that's the first an most important part- the entertainment, really being hooked by the story no matter how forulaic, outrageous, or improbable. That is why foreshadowing is such a big part of Rowling's formula. Just wanting to know what happens next will keep you reading and eventually lead to some link with the characters. That link, like, or even empathy for the characters is the second thing that makes HP so good for me. Harry is a real person with real reactions and desires. He is not altruistic, but human and this makes his character more identifiable. You want to know whats gonna happen not only against Voldemort, but in quidditch and in his evolving love life. You want to see Hermione and Ron get together. You want to see Neville succeed. You want to see Percy realize what a bitch he is. And then when back stories are glimpsed, it just fuels your fire both to read on and become further attached to the characters. My third reason why Harry Potter is so good is the general subject matter, magic. It is something new to me and very interesting. It's fun to learn what classes Harry will be taking. It's fun to learn all about spells and magically creatures completely foreign to us. All the new things just touched upon you want to be elaborated. You want to know the history of the Black family and learn why Harry can speak like a snake.

Yeah, so I didn't expect to like Harry Potter so much. I'm still not totally sure why, but these were a few of my reasons. Rowling uses an attractive subject matter mixed with good story telling with tons of foreshadowing to hook the reader. And having 7 books helps for the great character development and emergence of back story and new characters. So basically the more you read the more you like it because the long series allows for better writing and character and plot growth. Nothing amazing on the surface, but put it all together and it works wonders.

I think I've reach a whole new level of dorkiness writing an analysis of why I like Harry Potter. My next post might as well be about Dungeons & Dragons.
Actually a future post will be about Harry Potter vs. Lord of the Rings. See? Dorkdom.

P.S. I once told a friend that I think I would have made a good wizard.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Big Dunc

Here's a bit about Big Dunc's off the pitch ability which helps explain why he is the idol of millions everywhere.

1. In 2001, two men tried to rob Dunc's home, and were subsequently confronted by Duncan who put one of them in the hospital for three days.

2. In 2003 Ferguson was again the victum of attempted robbery at his home. He again confronted the individual and detained him until the police arrived. He got him so bad the robber tried to press charges on Big Dunc for assult.

3. Big Dunc has been arrested 4 times for assult, twice for altercations while waiting for taxis, once for a scuffle with a fisherman at a Scottish pub, and once for an on the field incident
headbutting a player and receiving a 3 month jail sentence.

4. He cannot be fucked with on the field, Sami Hyypia and John Terry called him the hardest player to defend they have ever played against.

5. Big Dunc holds the record for most red-cards in a season with 8.

Here are some video links to Big Dunc.

Big Dunc, you are my hero.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Duany Duany

The man so nice they named him twice, Duany Duany. He has been imprinted into my mind for some reason. I guess it's his name and his extremely dark skin tone. He wasn't really a great basketball player, pretty much just a role player in Wisconsin's Final Four run in 2000, but I loved him, and still do to this day. I even had this very picture up on my dorm room door my freshman year. And to my disgust and saddness, I one day came home and someone tore Duany's head of the picture. But it did not end up there. Some carefully placed tape saved the day.
So Duany, I will never forget you. You remain in my heart and mind and many others as well.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Miss Brazil

I think the pictures say it all. Miss Brazil is hot, fit, damn sexy, pretty much beyond description. I'd have to say she's the best looking woman on earth. Somehow in the Miss Universe contest she came in second to Miss Japan. Booo!!!
But real men know what's up. Miss Brazil, Natalia Guimmaraes, there is no equal.
For more info check
Oh, if anyone think they have someone who can challenge Miss Brazil's hottness, let me know. At let me know who's down for a roadtrip to Brazil.

Saturday, November 10, 2007


Fingerbanging seems to be a topic that comes up pretty often among my friends. One of my friends heard some of his co-workers referring to it as fingerblasting. Nice. We thought that was pretty funny, intense, but funny. And upon hearing this one of my friends, pretty well intoxicated at the time, made an outrageous claim. He said, "When I was 13 I was the Jeffrey Dahmer of fingerblasting."

Wow. That was pretty much a great statement.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Your the most corrupt offical in the game....and you can't do that!

This post topic was originally going to be the name of my blog, but it was a bit too long. Still one of my favorite things. For those of you that don't know the reference, it's about Jeff Tarango's tantrum at Wimbledon in 1995. He believed he was getting cheated, and actually stormed off the court and left. Screaming at the chair umpire, "You're the most corrupt official in the game! And you can't do that!" and smashing the two balls in his pocket to the ground. And that was pretty much the highlight of his carrer. Ha. I respect the way he plays, though. Full of Fire and Passion, similar to myself, although I never made it to Wimbledon, or outside of Milwaukee.

Good memories. We can only hope to see excitement like this again someday. Though in the last few months I did heae reports about alleged match fixing and poisoning in tennis. (Both by Russians)

Yesterday I found a giant box of chocolate chips in the walk in cooler where I live. (It's a big lodge with like 15 people living there, but a box of chocolate chips? Yes. It's gotta be like 20 pounds) A good find.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007


Drunken Duncan Ferguson

Alright folks, this is my first ever blog. It's the start of something big. Big things poppin'.
I've got a lot to give the world. It'll be by no means as groundbreaking as Creedthoughts, but I'll do what I can.
I'll cover a variety of topics, especially football (soccer) and politics because I just got a job with a great political organization, which shall remain nameless.

Yeah so I have high hopes for this shit. I don't yet have a definite format, but I'll have lots of time on my hands as I just moved to rural Montana. Yeah, Montana. Another reason for writing this blog.

Things I like right now: Big Dunc, Yakubu, Champions League, T.I., Benjani Mwaruwari, Mandy Moore, Harry Potter, having a job, Wi bowling, whiskey, Irish Coffee, college basketball, Steven Colbert, Jeff Probst, Kool-Aid, Milwaukee, Todd Martin

Quite a list. Hopefully all those things will be subjects of future posts.
That's all for now. This is just a TASTE of what's to come. I'll make all this shit rain so hard you'll need an um-brella.
Before signing off, I'd like to thank Big Dunc, the man who has made this all possible.