Ouch

"Ouch"
This is the gchat I sent my Cubs fan friend about an hour ago. He knew exactly what I was talking about - The Brewers getting killed and swept. Man. What a horrible series. The most important series in 25 years and we really blew it. I'm glad I'm not in Milwaukee. What a let down!
So, two months left in the season. Where do we go from here?
Playoffs? Playoffs?
I still believe it. We need to get our heads out of our ass, but it was just one series.
I see Cubs/Brewers in the NLCS. Maybe

Real American Heroes

Sorry for the lack of posts. Starting tomorrow I will have internet again where I live.
Starting August 8th there will be a lot of Olympic posts.
Starting August 9th I will be back on the bus, so look for a lot of updates there.


Here are some pictures of G.I. Joes I remember from my childhood. These are pretty old school and were most likely my brother's. And were not quite pristine when I played with them.


Snow Job- Be weary when you google image search "snow job". You get a lot of weird/almost funny pictures involving snow and jobs. I'm pretty sure we had this one, and lost it by the time I was like 7. I see a little resemblance to Jim Gatner and even more so, the DB EPA guy from Ghostbusters. That guy was the DEFINITION of douche-bag.



Road Block- Definitely stuck around the toy bucket for a long time. I remember the backpack and gun, but like most weapons, they got lost in the shuffle over the years. Thumbs broke, rubber band broke, body and legs had to be glued together, I think the legs fell off too, so last I remember, this guy had trouble moving.


Blow Torch- another lifer in the toy bucket. I think this guy may have stayed around the longest. He ended up thumbless, wore-down and the last G.I. Joe standing.


Dr. Mindbender - I belielve this may be the first one that was actually mine and not my brother's. But really, look at that picture. I don't need to say more.



Apparently none of these classics are in the new live action G.I. Joe movie, but Mr. Eko from lost is Heavy Duty, which is a modern day rip off of Roadblock.

Most Obscure US Presidents

Time for Family Feud.
This week's topic, Most Obscure US Presidents

7. James K. Polk - one of those post founding fathers/pre-civil war guys. Campaign slogan was "54/40 or Fight", think it had to do with parallels.

6. Chester A. Arthur- Had very nice facial hair. Elementary school was the location of a bomb in the third Die Hard movie

5. Millard Fillmore- Was recently mentioned in a car commercial, otherwise would be one or two.

4. Franklin Pierce - Supposedly voted the 2nd best looking president next to JFK. Judge for yourself. Couldn't tell you a thing he did in office.

3. Benjamin Harrison - in that post civil war/pre 1900's group. Nice beard, usually confused with William Henry

2. Rutherford B. Hayes - Similar to B. Harrison, not much else I can say.

1. John Tyler - Who? Yep, that's why he's number one. Most of these names will ring a bell, but not Tyler. Bonus for anyone who can tell me SOMETHING he did in office.


I used this category twice in my games. Usually people are upset when they say like Zachary Taylor or James Buchanan or Calvin Coolidge, but in truth, my list is sound. I can tell you reasons why all unlisted Presidents are not on the list. Obscure.

Winner!

We finally have a winner in our Lord of the Rings/Star Wars Tournament.
Drum Roll Please:

GANDALF

It is true. Gandalf is the best fantasy character. He came out on top of 63 other Star Wars and Lord of the Rings Characters. A deserving champ. "You shall not Pass!"

Thanks for all the votes. Some rounds were pretty popular, but I probably made the tourney too long. I need more readership. Holla.

I no longer love Brett Favre

I rescind anything nice I said about Brett Favre. He is kind of being a jerk right now. If he plays for another team I will boo him. Boo-urns! If he never said he was leaving, I would have loved another year, but this is just stupid.
That is all.

Things I don't like about Jeopardy

I really enjoy Jeopardy. It is one of my favorite shows. I'll be on it someday. I like Alex Trebek, but sometimes he annoys me. So, I'm compiling a list of things about Jeopardy that I don't like.
Here you go.- The long commercial break before final Jeopardy
- overly complex "Before and After" questions. Yesterday there was "No Country for Old Men in Trees" and "There will be Blood oranges" Lame.
- Talking to the contestants after the first commercial. Is that ever interesting?
- When Trebek infers that an answer nobody got is obvious
- When Trebek unnecessarily extravagantly pronounces foreign words
- When contestants try to keep going before the commercial break and Trebek cuts them off "Actually, that will have to wait until after the break."
- Word game categories, like homonyms and words within words
- Celebrity Jeopardy
- Children's Jeopardy. It's rather shoot off my own testicles than watch Children's Jeopardy. How disappointed are you when you sit down to watch and that is on?
- When Trebek lost the 'stache
- when they link all the categories. I think the last time I saw that there were all John Steinbeck novels. Boo-urns.

Hottest Cartoon Chracters

Alright, here is the unveiling of my first Family Feud Category.
HOTTEST CARTOON CHARACTERS

1. Princess Jasmine- Wow, why isn't she real? Maybe I also like her more because I like the movie and white guys like exotic women.

2. Ariel- Yeah, she might not have proper reproductive organs, but a friend of mine said "She's the perfect woman, once she gets legs she can't talk." Wow. I'd "kiss the girl".

3. Jessica Rabbit- might be tops on people's lists, but a little too slutty for me, and she has an odd rabbit fetish.

4. Daphne- The girl from Scooby-Doo. Yes, I like redheads, I mean America likes read heads. Also, the short purple skirt is great. Much better than the Sarah Micheller Geller version.

5. Pocahontas- I like. Looks pretty sassy in that pic.


6. Prince Eric- a dashing lad.

7. Bell- definitely the girl next door except for the whole Beast thing.

8. He-Man - Strong, great hair

9. Fred - from Scooby-Doo, a bit (a lot) WASPy, but what can you do?

CC

Alright time for another who is better poll. This time the subject is CC.


CC Sabathia - New Brewers pitcher, keeps the brim straight, kind of fat, but dominating

vs.

C&C Music Factory- "Everybody Dance Now", on the 90's power hour, kind of gay, but you know you like to dance to it.

We'll see how tonight's game goes before we make an judgment.
Go Brewers!

Family Feud

Let's play the Feud.
So sometimes Montana is boring, and this post stems from that, and also from a power outage, so we didn't have much to do, but multiple times I have hosted a Family Feud game here at the ranch. People seemed to enjoy it the power outage day, so I did it again three more times. Fun stuff, pretty ridiculous. Got better and better each time. I'll give you a few of my best categories. Feel free to submit your answers and I'll give you mine in a few days.
And be clear, these answers and categories were totally developed by me even if I say something else.

150 Americans were surveyed, top 8 answers on the board,
Name the Most Obscure American President.


120 men and women were surveyed, the top 8 answers are on the board,
Name the Best Looking Cartoon Characters.

100 Men were surveyed, the top 13 answers are on the board,
Name the Best Slang for Vagina

100 college educated Americans were surveyed,
Name the Most Obscure African Country.

Name the Best High School Movie

Name the Best Synonyms for Poop.


Alright, there you go, submit your answers for as many or as few as you want. Have fun.

Montana

Here are some pictures of Montana, for those of you who don't have facebook.

Here are some pictures of the ranch I work at and lived at for about 5 months. This is where advanced political research takes place.

Here is the view from my bedroom window. Awesome. Never thought I'd wake up to this.



A few weeks ago, the State Department brought a bunch of foreign journalists from developing countries to learn about democratic elections. They were from places like Rwanda, Tajikistan, Afghanistan, and Malawi. It was pretty cool. Below is a Emmanuel from Uganda. Ballers.

Lastly, here is a little power hour I had at my house as a house warming. Mostly college interns came, and I showed them the beauty of the 90's Power Hour. A good crew. Great times.

9.68!

9.68. That was Tyson Gay's 100 meter in the US Olympic qualifier. It was wind-aided, but c'mon, 9.68. I believe the world record is 9.73, which was just set a few months ago. I remember when it was amazing to get anything under 10 seconds. He made it look easy too. I'm not a big track guy, but I think this is pretty amazing. I look forward to Beijing.

Shaq Disses Kobe

So, Shaq dissed Kobe via a mad freestyle. Ok, it wasn't really that mad, or that great of a freestyle. One friends said he knew Shaq was a terrible rapper because he could understand everything he said. Well, I'm not too concerned about the rap, but this great Shaq quote explaining it.
"Everyone that knows Shaq knows two things about me: One, that I'm a rapper, and two, that I'm a comedian."

Priceless. Another great Shaq sound bite. Nothing about being a dominant basketball player? And I would go three, Great in Pinball form. And I know Shaq. (When creating this blog, I did not anticipate all the Shaq posts, but he is a great man.)

Big Hurt

So, I'm sure you remember my quest for Shaq Attaq pinball, and the devastating pain it caused me when I could not attain it. Well, I found something very similarly mid-90's, "Big Hurt Pinball". Yes that is the Big Hurt, Frank Thomas.


It looks pretty nice, with lightning bolts and fire and the possibility of making the World Series. Ooh. Frank Thomas still can knock the ball out of the park, but that's about all he's good for. Looks like a quality game, but definitely no Shaq Attaq.

LOTR/STAR WARS FINAL

The time has finally come. We can see who is the greatest character in the Lord of the Rings/Star Wars Universe. It has been an epic battle. We started with 64- contestants and are now down to two. It will be "One Shining Moment" for Gandalf or Han Solo.
You know the drill. Vote!


Gandalf- Gandalf has defeated Uncle Owen, R2-D2, Leia, Chewie, and Amidala
White
Might be a god
Likes to smoke

Han- Defeated Mon Mothma, Lando, Anakin, Sam, and Vader.
Dashing
Owes people money
Harrison Ford


There you go. Choose the one who will go down in history.

More Pleasing to the Eye

So after yesterday's post, and after a friend of mine said this of my blog " The other day I thought I stumbled across a softcore male porn site" (that is an overstatement, but there are a lot of pictures of dudes here, I mean the Jean-Claude Van Damme picture is kind of weird, and the shirtless superheroes, well....but most of the pictures are of athletes, so I think that's fine), I thought I'd post a picture for all my male readers out there. Some nice eye-candy.


Here's Adriana Lima. And I did not choose her randomly. She recently got engaged to Mario Jaric or the Minnesota Timberwolves. (see below) I don't get it. And she's a virgin. Wow.
There you go Andy, enjoy.

Soccer player facial scars

Well, I watch a lot of European football (soccer). My friends and I noticed that some excellent players have rather blatant facial scars, and I'm not talking about pock-marked like Mark McGuire, I'm talking legitimate, disfiguring scars. I saw the most obvious one today when watching France. Before the game I told my brother that this players hideous face would lead France to victory. Unfortunately, he got injured in the 10th minute. Anyway, here are my Top 3 soccer facial scars. Yes, a very random list to have, but you'll understand after seeing it.


#3 Carlos Tevez-
Scar- burn marks on neck and chest.
Story behind scar- Tévez has a distinctive burn mark from his right ear, down his neck to his chest. This occurred when he was ten months old while he was exploring his mother’s kitchen floor and he inadvertently pulled a kettle of boiling water over himself. This caused third-degree burns to the right side of his face, neck and chest and left him in intensive care for almost two months. Today, the scars are a highly visible feature of Tévez, who did not get them fixed because he was playing in a junior football team. He refused an offer from his then club, Boca Juniors, to have them cosmetically improved, saying that the scars were a part of who he was in the past and who he is today.
My take- Pretty gross, but not that bad. I feel it may not be the first thing you see. If you saw him on the street you would not turn away in disgust.

#2 Jolean Lescott-
scar- forehead and hairline
story- not as clear on this one- car accident when we was about 5 years old, apparently got run over.
my take- At first I thought he might just have a strange hair style, but that's a scar. I also affectionately call him flat-top, as he is the player of the year for my favorite team Everton. He looks weird, but plays very, very well. He scores a lot of headers, so the scar produces no ill effects.

#1 Franck Ribery-
scar- entire right side of face
story- When Ribéry was two years old, he and his family were involved in a serious automobile accident in Boulogne-sur-Mer, in which his face got trapped within the door, leaving two long scars down the right side of his face.
My take- From far away it looks like a horrible hairstyle, from up close, it's pretty scary. I could just imagine approaching him from the back or normal side, and then him turning around. I think it would be much like when Billy Madison figure out what it meant when his buddy had an accident. "Gooooooooo" Pretty hideous indeed. He is the aforementioned player if you did not yet figure that out. Still an amazing player, though, and he has a decent looking wife.


There you go, another meaningless list. Maybe I'll try to post something more ascetically pleasing next time.

Slow

Sorry I've been slow with the updates lately. I've recently moved off the ranch, so I only have internet when I'm at work. Now that hasn't stopped me from posting in the past, but it doesn't really lend itself to quality, time-consuming posts.
Hopefully sometime this week I can upload some pictures of my time in Montana and of my new house/power hour party.

Just to hold you over for a while, here are some great quotes from Kobe Bryant. He's undoubtedly a great player, but I'm not a big fan of his. These quotes might help to change that. He's definitely keeping it real, and maybe a little weird.



Talking after the 24-point lead collapse Thursday and how to get over it: "Whine about it tonight. A lot of wine, lotta beer. A coupla shots.. Maybe like 20 of ‘em.. Digest it.. Get back to work tomorrow. Nothing you can do."

Still talking about it the next morning: "Nothing we just wet the bed. A nice big one too. One of the ones you can’t put a towel over. It’s terrible. There’s nothing you can do about it. They played great in the third quarter, we played like crap. They got back in the game and pulled out a great win, now it’s time to move on to the next one. Period."
(Maybe he really did have 20 shots)

Talking about Harry Potter: "He had more problems with Voldemort than we have dealing with the media after a loss"
(nice way to put it all into perspective Kobe)

Yeah, so good stuff. It is possible that Kobe is a little nuts.

Political Super Action Stars

A while back when I asked for blog ideas, a friend of mine suggested that, in the wake of people like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jesse Ventura becoming governors and basketball players like Charles Barkley and Kevin Johnson rumored to be running for political office, I should develop a list of political positions for action stars and athletes. Sound good? Make sense? Well here it goes.

Future Political Positions of action stars and athletes:

Shaq- Obviously Shaq will someday be president. He is already a police officer and a great, great man (especially in pinball form)

Jean-Claude Van Damme- Well, this one is kind of a comparison to Arnold. I had trouble deciding which state Van Damme should be governor of. Maybe New York, Wyoming, Kansas, but none of those seem to fit. I'm gonna go with Arizona. I just feel there could be many great explosions and car chases in Phoenix and a great scene at the Grand Canyon, culminating in Jean-Claude leaping over the entire canyon.

Matt Damon- White House Press Secretary - I feel everyone would listen to Damon and never be mad at him. We would believe everything the White House gives us. Plus, if people would act up, he could go all Boure on them.

Will Smith- VP for John McCain. I really feel like this is a good idea. Just think, Will Smith is like Obama but better in every way. Younger, blacker, stronger, more charismatic, better smile, loved by all Americans. Mr. McCain, you should really think about this one.

Johnny Depp- Governor of Vermont. Depp is a huge hippie, hates America, would fit in great in Vermont, and no one else in the country would really care because it's Vermont. YEEEAAAAA!

Tony Gwynn/Mike Tyson/Avery Johnson/Dikembe Mutombo- Speaker of the House.
I'm just going on quality of voice here. Any of these men would greatly increase the ratings of CSPAN. I know I would tune in just for the comedic entertainment

Harrison Ford- Sec. of Defense. Would any other nation F-with Harrison Ford as our Sec. of Defense? He is Indiana Jones and Han Solo and in all those Tom Clancy movies.

Chuck Norris- Military. If you got Chuck Norris, you need not any other military.

Lucy Liu - I felt like I should have a woman, and she seems cool, and I kind of felt the need to counter act those first two pictures. I'm not sure what she would be, though. Health and Human Services?

Rob Deer- I'm gonna go with mayor of Milwaukee, because I don't think anyone else knows him.


My brain and creativity really isn't working today. This is all I got.