I'm in the knife business!

So from time to time I like to include other voices in my blog. I'm sure you get sick of me. Usually they are in the form of funny quotes or funny emails. That is the case here from my friend BJ. He is currently doing migrant labor in New Zealand to get a little more money after being there for about 6 months. In this email, he is telling about his experiences in the kiwi factory he is working in. And it's just too great not to share.

"There is a speaker system throughout the place that balsts loud music all day with varying degrees of quality. The usual(and the best) is hip-hop or late 90's pop music lyrics with raggae and Pcific Island beats replacing the original music. Once again, this is ideal for me.
On my first day, I looked down the line to see a man from Vanuatu putting kiwis in a box with one hand and "licking shots" (pretending to shoot a gun in the air) with the other, just as Wyclef was telling him to do in the song that was playing . this made me very happy.
On my third day I was paired up accross the line from a 40 year old Samoan woman. We introduced ourselves and asked a few questions of each other and all that. I didn't think this would be that important, but it proved to be so. As the speakers began blasting The Humpty Dance, O got real excited. For those who have the song memorized(as I hope many of you do) you will know towards the end of the song Humpty first instructs white people to do the dance, then black people, and then Samoans. I have heard the songs dozens of times and always wondered why he called out Samoans to do the dance. I trusty Humpty and all the members from Digital Undergournd, so i just assume that they knew that Samoans love to do the dance. I got so excited and was sure that, when called upon by the song, this chubby Samoan woman would start dancing all crazy. As the part of the song approached, I stopped working and was just staring right at her. I didn;t mean to be rude or anything, I was just so excited about what was about to occur. When Humpty called on Samoans to do the dance, she didn't even flinch. She just kept her head down and kept on pakcing kiwis. I stared at her in disbelief for a few more secondstill I was snapped out of it by a supervisor yelling at me. Because of my staring and not working, kiwis were pilling up at my station and now spilling onto the floor and breaking. I repsonded with the old "No hablo Ingles" which I have used to great effect 3 or 4 times at the job already. "


Yes, glorious.
BJ and I are both big fans of a certain scene in the Cider House Rules, the one where the Cider House boss, Mr. Rose, is fighting with one of his workers. It's one of my favorite movie scenes.
Unfortunatley I could not find a video.

MR. ROSE
 What business is you in, Jack? Just
 tell me what your business is...

Jack looks for a translation from the other men, who are
nervous.

   MUDDY
 Just say you're in the *apple*
 business, man. That's the only
 business you wanna be in. Just say
 it.

Jack pulls a knife on Mr. Rose.

   PEACHES
  (whispers excitedly
      to Jack)
 You don't wanna go in the knife
 business with Mistuh Rose--just say
 you're in the *apple* business, Jack!

   JACK
  (to Mr. Rose)
 What business are *you* in?

We never see Mr. Rose's knife. We see the men circle each
other: Jack takes a swipe at Mr. Rose's head--then he steps
back, his yellow slicker slashed open. His slicker is opened
up, right up the middle. His shirt underneath the slicker is
slashed open, too--he feels his bare chest and stomach,
feeling for the cut. But there's no cut--Jack's not bleeding,
he's not even scratched. Just his clothes have been slashed.

   MR. ROSE
 I'm in the *knife* business, Jack.
 You don't wanna go in the knife
 business with me.

I really wanted BJ to be in the apple business so this could happen in real life. I guess the kiwi business will have to do. Someday, though, I will get to say "I'm in the knife busines!"

Live Changing Event?

Did the title reel you in? I hope so.
No I'm not getting a new job or getting married, nothing like that.
The life changing event I am referring to happened yesterday when I discovered something called Shaq Attaq pinball. Yes, Shaq Attaq Pinball. I was excited and intrigued at first. I read about it, looked at some pictures. Then it got better. I discovered it was on ebay with the bid only at $51.00! Wow. Further research showed me that shipping was $250. Not bad, but here's the kicker, it's selling from West Bend, Wisconsin, so it can just be picked up. Wow. Yeah, so I'm excited about this. It may not be a life changing event yet, but it has the potential. Now I just need to win the auction and then have someone in Wisconsin pick it up for me. Then my life's dream will be complete. Pretend that this is Make-a-Wish and I'm a sick kid and you can help me out by picking this machine up. I'll keep you posted.

Evansville, IN

Purples Aces, free hot dogs, beautiful weather, high amounts of attractive females, nice people, free cookies, free grape soda, great location, 3 TV stations, 2 radio stations - all and all, the best stop of this leg.
Yeah, the University of Evansville was a good time. Apparently Evansville, in Southern Indiana is pretty country, out in the Boonies, I saw a bit of that in gas stations, and a few people had southern accents, but it wasn't bad at all.
Funny story: I was talking to this beautiful girl who came up to the bus, grad student, she liked PVS, I liked her. But I really lost the plot and blew it. Nervous, sweating, stuttering- man. I got her to sign up and come on the bus and see the video, but really not no tact whatsoever. No game to speak of. And when closing I say "Vote Smart baby!" Wow, I am awesome.
A good way to end. Yes, we are already done with this leg. Only three weeks. Not as many good stories as last time. Sorry. Often times I felt like Robin and JJ was Batman. I just kind of stood around waiting to help. He did all the interviews, and a a lot of time we hung out with his friends.
Yes, definitely Robin. But Robin was cool right? Ok, no he wasn't. But he did become Nightwing.
Oh yeah.

But today was fun. Evansville really loved us. It was a cool little school. I've decided I want to work in University relations or events. I mean, what a great job, setting up events at a university. Today, this lady met us at the bus, cooked hot dogs, gave blood, and went to some concrete canoe engineering race thing. Yeah. Good job.

The bad news is, I don't know when I'll or if I'll be back on the bus. The bus is taking a break, possible for a few months to reorganize and reevaluate. And the big boss doesn't like me. At best, I'll be back on the bus in early July, at worst- never. It's been fun, this leg not as much due to my sickness. Also, we knew lots of people along the way, and sometimes it is fun to just go to a random bar in a random city. We didn't do that this time.
We still taking over, one city at a time!

Grade: A

South Bend, IN

"Cheer, Cheer for old Notre Dame. Sing of her Glory and Sound her Fame."

I was a big Notre Dame fan growing up, but that faded as I grew and eventually realized that they are an elitist, anti-semitic institution, who takes money an opportunities away from public institutions. And every freaking game on TV, F that.
But I did bring the bus to Notre Dame and I did get caught up in it for a bit. It is a pretty cool place. I had Rudy flashbacks. There is also a tangible catholic, spiritual feel. I got multiple compliments on my icon bracelet. Touchdown Jesus is really cool, as is the Golden Dome. There are tons of mall areas and it's just a cool campus.

Ok enough sweating ND. The day itself was good. We were parked by the football stadium, not exactly in the center of campus. The group that sponsored us were really nice and helpful. They loved voting. Most people were really nice and into us. It was a bit slow, but one TV station and the South Bend Newspaper came out and did stories on us. Lots of cute girls, if you're into cute, young, rich white girls. Which I am, but not exclusively. And man, never before had I seen a less diverse school. I saw about 4 black people, all of whom were obviously athletes. Madison wasn't nearly as bad. It was sad.
I wanted to sneak into the football stadium and pee on the 50 yard line, but couldn't get in. Shoot.
But a fun day. Beautiful weather yet again.

Grade: B

Bloomington, IN

In honor of my 100th post, I will tell you about our stop at Indiana University.
It was easily the worst stop this leg. A school of over 40,000 and we talked to about 50 people. No media either. We were in a real bad spot, behind the parking lot behind the library. Yeah, so I got no love for IU.
Disappointing.
Good weather, though. And a former PVSer bought us dinner afterwards. Oh, almost forget. She was giving us a little tour after dinner and I saw some random girl vomit...at 6:00 PM....wearing a sun dress...in front of a church. Put the visual together there. It was pretty funny. That brings the grade up from and F to a...

Grade: D

STAR WARS/LOTR Update

Things are heating up. The big guns moved on again in the second round, with the biggest upset being Padme Amidala beating out Yoda with a last second buzzer beater. Wicket again marched on improbably with a win over the Witch King. Wow. King Theoden couldn't quite sneak out a win over Gollum. Luke beat his old buddy Wedge after some early concern.
All my favorite upset possibilities- Wedge, Witch King, Merry, Grand Moff Tarkin, King Theoden- are gone, but that is the way of the tournament.

We got some great 3rd round matches, really what the tournament was created for.
Gollum/Obi-Wan
Sam/Luke
Aragorn/Treebeard
Chewie/Legolas
Han/Anakin
Wow, these are what Sci-Fi nerds dreams are made of.

Some stats on the tourney so far, you know to make me look even more dorky.

Participants remaining- LOTR 6
Star Wars (original) 6
Star Wars (new) 4
Humans-9
Others- 7 (Ishtari, elf, Wookie, hobbit, ewok, ent,, gollum)

Records- LOTR 21-21
Star Wars (original) 18-20
Star Wars (new) 9-7

There you go kids. Have fun. Vote.

Star Wars/Lord of the Rings Sweet Sixteen

1. Gandalf- An easy road so far for Gandalf Greyhame, Olórin, Mithrandir, Stormcrow, Greybeard, Tharkûn or whatever you want to call him, facing little challenge from R2-D2 or Uncle Owen
Resume: beat balrog, demi-god I think, magic, animals like him, kick-ass in battle (see picture), killer weed, fireworks
Key Losses: believed dead for a while, didn't know Bilbo had the ring, greyness
Quotes: "Pity? It was pity that stayed Bilbo's hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many. "
" Keep it secret. Keep it safe."
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought."
"Farewell... my brave Hobbits. My work is now finished. Here at last, on the shores of the sea... comes the end of our Fellowship. I will not say, Do not weep... not all tears are an evil."

4.Princess Leia- No challenges for Leia yet, either. I expect that to change this round. Hopefully the metal bikini will give her an edge.
Resume: daughter of Vader, princess of a planet that no longer exists, full of spunk
Key losses: dignity for kissing brother, dignity for wearing that bikini and being chained to Jabba,
entire homeworld
Quotes:"Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder."
" Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi; you're my only hope. "
"Someone has to save our skins. Into the garbage chute, fly boy."





3. Legolas- Had a pretty good second round battle with Merry, but pulled away in the second half. Hopefully that will ready him for this battle.
Resume: dreamy, blond locks, great with the bow and arrow, great with the sword, agile, old, great vision
Key Losses: pointy ears, susceptible to bad sunburn, friends with Gimli
Quotes: "The stars are veiled. Something stirs in the East. A sleepless malice. The eye of the enemy is moving. He is HERE."

2. Chewbacca- Dispatched Biggs and Faramir with ease. How will the Wookie do against the elf?
Resume: Tall, strong, loyal, good flyer, long wingspan
Key Losses: can't talk, furballs, dandruff
Quotes: [annoyed growl]
[concerned growl]
[excited growl]






1. Han Solo- No troubles yet for Mr. Solo. He's got it all - ladies, cash, alien friends
Resume: baller, hustler, hot girl, ship, friends, cocky attitude, smile
Key Losses: propensity to be frozen in carbonate, bounty on his head, ship is not the most reliable
Quotes: "I've got a bad feeling about this"
"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid. "
"YAHOOOOO! You're all clear, kid, now let's blow this thing and go home! "



4. Anakin Skywalker- Won a tough all evil battle against Sauron. Will need all that the dark side can bring in this matchup
Resume: Strong in the force this one, dark side powers, hot wife
Key Losses: concept of good and evil, Jedi twins, wife, hand - later arms and legs, bad temper
Quotes: "I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead, every single one of them. And not just the men, but the women and the children, too. They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals. I HATE THEM! "
"One day, I will become the greatest Jedi EVER. I will even learn how to stop people from dying."
" [shouts] I hate you. "

3. Sam Gamgee- Sam won a tough battle against fellow Hobbit Biblo, and with Pippen, Merry, Bilbo, and Frodo falling, is the last of his kind.
Resume: LOYAL, carried Frodo up Mount Doom, beat the Orcs and Shelob to get Frodo back
Key losses: Frodo for a bit, fat, can't swim
Quotes: "hen let us be rid of it... once and for all! Come on, Mr. Frodo. I can't carry it for you... but I can carry you! "
"there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for."
"*Po-tay-toes!* Boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew... Lovely big golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish."
"I made a promise, Mr Frodo. A promise. "Don't you leave him Samwise Gamgee." And I don't mean to. I don't mean to. "

2. Luke Skywalker- Used the force and beat his good friend Wedge. No he's up against a hobbit.
Resume: restored Jedi Order, blew up first Death Star, bested Vader, pretty much destroyed the Empire
Key Losses: Obi-Wan, Yoda, father, hand
Quotes: "But I was going to go to the Toshi Station and pick up some power converters"
"I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm here to rescue you."
"No. No. That's not true. That's impossible! "

Star Wars/Lord of the Rings Sweet Sixteen

1. Aragorn- Rebounded nicely after first-round scare with Niem Numb.
Resume: My Captain, My King
Key Losses: Bachelorhood, living in the woods life
Quotes: Hold your ground, hold your ground! Sons of Gondor, of Rohan, my brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good Earth, I bid you *stand, Men of the West!*

5. Treebeard - Came out hot out of the gates and held off a lot comeback from the Emperor
Resume: real old, leader of the Ent-moot, surprisingly agile in battle, good mood of transport for hobbits
Key losses: Ent Women, forests





14. Wicket- The 14 seed keeps rolling, two huge upsets already. Can the little guy keep it rolling?
Resume: Cute, furry
Key Losses: Can't speak, ticks
Quotes: Yub, Yub (muthafucker)

10. Padme Amidala: Survived two nail biters, upsetting Boromir and Yoda and my misspelling of her name.
Resume: married Jedi, mothered Jedi twins, fought robots and aliens, lots of nice outfits and hair styles
Key Losses: life, husband to Dark Side, hair (oh, that was a different movie)
Quotes: Tony is great. I want to marry him. Caleb sucks.
Anakin, you're breaking my heart! And you're going down a path I cannot follow!





1. Darth Vader- No trouble yet for this top seed.
Resume: Evil, killer, Death Star
Key Losses: arms, legs, ability to breathe, wardrobe versatility
Quotes: I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner; now *I* am the master.
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
No. *I* am your father.

5. Qui-Gonn Jinn Killed Frodo, getting 80% of the Vote.
Resume: Jedi, nice hair, found Anakin, gallant, noble, saved a lot of Jews
Key Losses: Life, Anakin to the Dark Side
Quotes: Remember: Your focus determines your reality.
Finding him was the will of the force, I have no doubt of that




3. Gollum-Gollum edged out King Theoden by a single vote. Close match-up. Can he keep it going?
Resume: Ring Bearer for many years, led Frodo to Mordor, escaped Mordor, killed Deagol to get the ring, bit off Frodo's finger, framed Sam for eating the bread
Key Loses: humanity, hair, weight, his "precious", ability to speak in first person
Quotes: We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses. Wicked, tricksy, false!
Stupid, fat hobbit.

2. Obi-Wan Kenobi- Young Obi-Wan has torn through his first two opponents, fairing much better than his old self.
Resume: Jedi, part of Jedi council. nice beard, survived Jedi purge, killed Darth Maul, dominated Anakin
Key Losses: Anakin becoming Darth Vader, hair color, Qui-Gon Jinn
Quotes: [after finding the young dead Jedi's in the temple] Who? Who could have done this?
-Anakin, my allegiance is to the Republic, to democracy.
You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you.

Toledo, OH

In Toledo today, oh yeah, hitting up all the big spots. But, in truth, I have learned that cities like Toledo don't have too much going on and will definitely cover our bus. Yes, today we had three TV stations come. One put us on live at 9:00, did a story at 12:00, 5:30, 6:00 and presumably 11:00.
Toledo seemed like a good school. A nice mall, a lot going on, great weather with tons of people out, not many cute ladies, eh. I was sick again, and not up to par and bringing people to the bus. Damn my frail immune system. Great weather again, though.

Grade: B+


Over the weekend we were at my co-worker JJ's parent's house in the Northwest corner of Ohio. This is where he grew up, and it was much different than where I grew up. Yeah, it was pretty much a farm. There were dogs and puppies and cats and rabbits running around all over. Funny stuff. Always great to get off the bus and eat real food. Met some of JJ's friends. Good people, all of them married with kids, so kind of weird for me. JJ also has a close family, pretty much all of whom I met. Tonight we had dinner at his Panamanian grandmothers. Then his 4 year old niece and her 3 year old friend came over and it was pretty much like a sitcom. Everyone was talking at once, everyone was laughing at something, most of the time I had little idea what was going on, but it was pretty funny.

I'll leave you with a fun picture.

Cleveland, OH

On Friday we were in Cleveland, home of The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and some other stuff. We were at Cleveland State University. I was pretty sick so I didn't do much or talk to many people and it was slow anyways. I made a few random observations, but forgot them, so here are some observations I made about Southampton, England when I lived there 3 years ago, but let's pretend they pertain to Cleveland.

-I've noticed many people walking with limps, at least ten a day. Somethings not right with that.

Stereotypically English things like double-decker
buses and bad teeth ain't just stereotypes. 
-They call it
"take-away" instead of "take out" or "carry-out"  
-Females love to wear big boots and short skirts, no matter what their age or size.
-the @ key and the " key are switched on the keyboard
 -Showers seem to have 3 temperatures: cold, luke-warm, and scalding hot   - there's
a lot of garbage everywhere  
- there's a bar in my dorm, which is open 7 nights a week, pretty much showing the different attitude
towards drinking.

Yeah, this post doesn't make much sense.


Grade: D+

Youngstown, OH

Youngstown, Ohio. Doesn't that just make you happy to be alive? No? Yeah, me neither. Youngstown again is a city without a good rep. Rust belt to the max. And I saw why. We drove through much of the city, and there was not a lot there. Lots of open store fronts. We went through downtown, and I barely knew it. Lots of empty factories too. We drove past a few pedestrians, and they just looked at the bus with jaws dropped. I'm thinking things like these don't make it through Youngstown much these days.
For the stop we were at Youngstown State. It was like an oasis in the city. Green grass, lots of people, trees, flowers, large buildings and the people were nice too. It was are best day for this portion of the tour. Lots of interest and a TV station came out. Not much other news in Youngstown I'm guessing. (I'm actually watching the news right now and we made it on along with stories about firefighters selling ad space on their gear to save their jobs, a Carrie Underwood concert, and a story about adult daycare. Yes.) Lots of cute, even hot girls. I did not expect that in Youngstown. I'd say top 5 of places we've been so far, not that I'm in the business of judging women based on their looks, or cities based on their women. No, I wouldn't do anything like that. I'm kind of sick, so my charm didn't work on all of them, but a good amount.

Grade:B


Oh yeah, and yesterday we were on the morning show in Pittsburgh. Good stuff. I did get a memo the other day that I am no longer to do interviews. Weird, after doing about 20 interviews, most of the quality, most of them getting on TV or in the paper, I can no longer do them. The head of our organization is a bit of a micromanager, and now does not want me to do interviews because he hasn't trained me. Well, at least I got video evidence of my on-air personality. But sorry to disappoint all of those out there looking for this beautiful mug on the teli, maybe in a few months.

Baltimore, MD

Today we brought the bus to the University of Maryland Baltimore County. It was an 'eh' day. Nothing great, nothing bad, just average. The local FOX station came out right away, so that is good. Probably more people came over to us than usually, as opposed to us going up to people and we had a nice member who helped us out. Sometimes the members (usually retired people who give money to Vote Smart) just get in the way, but not today.
The school was a bit outside of Baltimore. Baltimore has a pretty bad rep. I saw why when watching like 5 minutes of their local news - 14 year old shot in the head, teacher beaten, police officer shot, student stabbed. Yeah, so rough city. Hopefully out bus will make the news.
Funny stories? Like I said 'eh', boring day.


Grade:C+

D.C.

Spent Saturday, Sunday, and Monday in DC. Good times. Saturday we got together with a bunch of old Vote Smart people, all JJ's friends, he's a bit of an old head at PVS. PVS does roll thick, though. I hope to have some good friends to look back on my Montana days with in a few years. There was a BBQ, some drinking games, and then we hit up a few bars. Nothing too crazy. Sunday we met another old PVSer and then I went with one of JJ's friends on a bit of a tour of DC (JJ napped, too much fun the night before?)- saw the National Gallery (see one of my favorite paintings below) the Air and Space Museum, the Washington Monument, the World War II Memorial, and the Lincoln Memorial. It was a good workout. Thanks for the tour Rachel.


Monday we were at Howard University. I contacted George Washington, Georgetown, Howard, and American, but Howard was the only one that contacted me back. I was glad to be there. It was a cool place. The people were real nice and interested. This was the first school I was at where students asked how they could donate money to PVS. That was cool. The one reporter who came out from the NPR radio station was a bit uppity, a bit too excited, but she calmed down after a while and did a good report.
A few observations: Lots of very well dressed men. I need to take some notes. Lots of 'locks. Lots of beautiful girls, hot in a much different way than Villanova or St. Joe's. Lots of black people. Kidding, I obviously knew that setting up the stop. Maybe it's due to my background working in the inner city and working at a homeless shelter for 18-21 year olds, but it was cool and surprising to see African-Americans of this age well dressed and mannered, the guys not looking thug and the girls not being pregnant. I know this is not rare, but it is for me. Hopefully this, and not my experience is representative of the direction of our country. Yeah, so Howard was cool.
Grade:C+

In the evening, I saw my good buddy Tex. Haven't seen him in almost two years. Pretty crazy. Great to see him, great to catch up, but mostly we just reminisced over past times, all our college hijinx. Great Stuff

Star Wars/LOTR Roud II

Shire Bracket- Hot times in the Shire. Wizard vs. droid, Elf vs. princess, elf vs. hobbit, human vs. Wookie. Very nice.




1. Gandalf: White or Grey, dead or alive, Gandalf is pretty amazing. He is a warrior, a general, a wizard, a mentor. Yes. And he beat the Balrog.

8. R2-D2: Just a little robot who can't talk or walk really, but saved the day for Luke, Han, Leia, and Chewie multiple times.




5. Elrond: Pretty much the main man, or main elf. He was there when Isildur struck down Sauron. He is wise and smart and just has everything on lockdown.

4. Princess Leia: Quite the feminist at times- taking control on the Death Star and on Endor. But she did make out with her brother. Hmm?

3. Legolas: Pretty baller with that bow and arrow. And he's an elf, so he's good at pretty much everything. Probably the coolest action scenes in the movies.

6. Merry: Another hobbit. This one was a bit more hardcore, not afraid to fight and even take on the Witch King.

10. Faramir: Kind of weak in the movies, but better in the books, smarter too. Kind of sucks to have to be compared to his bro and the whole thing about his father wishing he had died instead was kind of rough. The suicide mission of Minis Morgol was pretty cool and he ended up with Eowyn in the end.

2. Chewbacca: Yeah, the Wookie. Everyone's Favorite Star Wars alien.







Endor Bracket- Han vs. his buddy Lando, Luke vs. Wedge - take your pick Jedi Knight or everyman flyer. I got my horse. Pick yours. Ooh, and two hobbits go head-to-head as well. Nice.






1. Han Solo: Bad-ass smuggler turned Rebel Alliance hero. Slick beyond measure. I really don't need to say much more about him.

9. Lando: Another badass turned hero. Lando turned Han, Leia, and Chewie over to Darth Vader, but then helped them escape and was the leader of the assault on the 2nd Death Star.

Best Smile in the Galaxy

5. Sauron: The evil of all evils in Lord of the Rings. This is a tough one because he was so evil and caused so much destruction and war multiple times, but he didn't really have a physical form in the movie. I mean the Eye is scary, but how scary.? To give you a better idea, here are some of his alliases: Gorthaur the Cruel, Sauron the Deceiver, the Lord of the Earth, the Enemy, the Master, the Dark Power, the Dark Lord, the Lord of Mordor, the Dark Lord of Mordor, the Power of the Black Land, the Black Master, the Black One, the Lord of Barad-dur, the Lord of the Dark Tower, the Shadow, the Great Eye, the Red Eye, the Eye of Barad-dur, the Lidless Eye, the Evil Eye, the Unnamed, the Nameless. Yeah.

4. Anakin Skywalker: As you can see, I'm not going with the pod-racing-little-boy-Anakin or the crazy-red-eyes-wanting-to-kill-Obi-wan-Anakin. I'm going more for the just-slaughtered-the Sandpeople-not-just-the-men-but-the-women-and-the-children-too-Anakin.





3. Sam: Sam pretty much did all the work getting the ring to Mount Doom. He literally carried Frodo. Samwise the Brave. Followed him into the river eventhough he couldn't swim and came back to Frodo after he sided with Gollum. "A promise Mr. Frodo, a promise"

6. Bilbo Baggins: The Hobbit who started it all.


10. Wedge Antilles: Here is one for the hardcore fan. For those of you that don't know, Wedge is a Rebel Pilot that was in all three movies! He survived the first Death Star, Hoth, and the Second Death Star. The only man to survive both Death Star runs. While Luke was off playing with Daddy, Wedge hit the shot that allowed Lando to take down the Second Death Star. Wedge is my darkhorse here, kind of like Davidson. He just has that everyman quality. He is also responsible for one of the most famous lines in the movie, when first approaching the Death Star: "Look at the size of that thing." (That's what she said)




2. Luke: Wait who was he? Oh yeah, the one who always saved the day.

Star Wars/LOTR Round II

Hoth Bracket- Will Aragorn continue to struggle? Will Wicket remain the Cinderella? Can Padme and her ripped shirt move on again? Vote and we shall see.


1.Aragorn: Pretty much the man in every way- fighting, leading, courage, ladies love him, king, friend. Wow. What more can I say?

8. Mace Windu: Samuel L. baby. A wise Jedi. Not really sure how I felt about him until he started fighting. Kicked ass in the Battle Royale in Episode II. And in Revenge of the Sith, he totally was kicking Emperor Palpatine's ass in their fight. Then Anakin came in and you know.

5. Treebeard: Don't get this tree-man-thing angry. The Ents storming of Orthanc was one of my favorite parts of all the movies. Ents are pretty tight man.

4. The Emperor: Pretty scary. Ugly, powerful, manipulative, able to shoot out lightning bolts from his hands. And all this was definitely added to by episodes 1-3. He pretty much single handedly brought down the entire Republic, using Darth Maul, Count Dooku and Anakin/Vader as pawns and don't forget Order 66. Could use some skin care products, though



14. Wicket: Yub-Yub muthafucker

11. Witch King of Angmar (aka head dark rider):Pretty raw and scary, not sure how he got his ring or how he became the lead Dark Rider, but if he had a wallet I'm sure it would have BMF on it. But he was defeated by a hobbit and a woman.

10. Queen Amadala: I'm sure how I feel about her. She's hot in the picture. She gave birth to Jedi twins. She was kind of a good queen in the first movie. She fought pretty well in the second. But overall, she was kind of a damsel in distress

2. Yoda: I didn't go with old yoda and older yoda, cuz 40 years to a 900 year old alien isn't much (900 years old you be look so good you will not, hm) and he was pretty awesome in all the movies he was in. I mean, I did not expect his crazy lightsaber skills in episode II, but his whole character in Empire Strikes back was pretty nice too.



Mordor Bracket. Let's see, pretty balanced bracket - 4 Lord of the Rings, 4 Star Wars. A few great matchups Vader/Balrog, Gollum/King Theoden. Watch out.

1.Darth Vader: Baddest of the bad, evilest of the evil. And thanks to 6 movies, you know pretty much everything about his life, so I don't have to say more.

9. Balrog: Well, this picture really doesn't do justice. Just watch this part of the movie. Definitely in my top 3 in the entire trilogy. Great scene on the bridge. Wow! Apparently Balrog is one of the oldest demons, servant of Sauron's original master. Watch out, he's got some long whips.

5. Qui-Gon Jinn: I really like Liam Neeson and Qui-Gon was a good character, a great example of what a Jedi should be. I wish he would've been around longer.

4.Frod0: The ring-bearer. A tough job. I mean, Frodo was kind of tender a lot of the time, but in the end, he got the job done. Saved Middle-Earth. Nice

3. Gollum: Gollum/Smegol/Stinker, don't trust this cat. He'll kill. He'll bite of fingers. He'll be your friend. He'll back stab, anything to get his "precious". Just a little tip, he should probably just shave his head already. The comb over just isn't working.

6. King Theoden: Has there ever been a more intense transformation in movie history? Well maybe Aladdin to Prince Ali or Robin Williams to Mrs. Doubtfire, but this was pretty intense. Just look at him in Two Towers before Gandalf frees him. Old and decrepit, pretty much lifeless. Then afterwards, the epitome of a king. His get hype speeches before the big battles were great. They made me want to throw on a helmet and grab a sword. A very underrated character.

10. Grand Moff Tarkin: One of the few Imperials to keep Vader in check. Man, he was so evil, but also so cool. He was like the Steve McQueen of evil, real old guys. He blew up a planet. And after him, the Imperial army was pretty weak. Beginning of their downfall.

2. Obi-Wan Kenobi: We're going for Episode 2 and 3 Obi-Wan here. The Jedi in this prime. Pre-getting old an leaving to hide, post weird one long strand of hair. Think the only Jedi that survived Order 66. Think the fight against evil Anakin, the one where he makes him a quadriplegic. Yeah, that one.