March Madness Thoughts

Wow, I am doing horrible in my pools. In fact I am in last place in 3 of 4. Damn, that is bad. So, don't really listen to anything I say.

Some people have been hating on this tournament because of its lack of upsets and buzzer beaters, but I think it has been pretty entertaining. Just look at Friday night and Saturday night. All the big teams save UCONN have been challenged. LSU made UNC look beatable same with Louisville against Siena and Pittsburgh twice. I think the case in a lot of instances was just the better team winning.

Also noticed that in almost all the close games, the team I was rooting for lost, but I guess that makes sense when you root for the underdog.
Friday was good as I was rooting for Wisconsin, Oklahoma St., Marquetee, and Siena, but Saturday blew - Duke, UNC, Purdue, and Gonzaga all winning close games. Man, then Sunday was more of the same.

I am glad I am a Wisconsin fan and not a Marquette fan. I am not a Marquette hater, but it's kinda funny. They waited 4 years for this? This was supposed to be their year, with the three senior guards, while it was a down year for UW. I was much more pleased this year with the Badgers as there was no expectations like in years past. I knew they were still gonna be good last year, winning the regular season and tournament and making it to the Sweet Sixteen, and I knew they would be OK this year, but sorry Badger fans, I think their NCAA tournament run ends next year. Is Travon Hughes really going to lead them? Jason Bohannan? Tim Jarmuz? I still, though consider Wisconsin a top 20 program. Maybe that is the homer in me, but 2nd Round, Sweet 16, 2nd Round, 1st Round, Elite 8, 2nd Round, Sweet 16 - that is a pretty good 7 year run.

As for teams still in the tournament, I hope it is not again all #1 seeds. That would be boring. I think the #2 seeds are vulnerable, so possible a 3 seed could sneak in the Final Four. Hopefully by the end of the day, I will no longer be last in my pools.

What is the best season of The Simpsons?

SticSticking with the Simpsons posts here. There is so much great stuff there, one could definitely devote an entire blog to The Simpsons.

Today we are looking at the best Simpsons seasons. I was again going to do a countdown myself, but I think this time we will go for some audience participation. Simply vote for what you think is the best season over on the right hand side.
Below I will take a look at each season, posting it's resume ala-Selection Sunday.
Popular thought is that seasons 4-6 are the best, but I will expand things a bit to include 2-7. That is The Simpsons in its prime.


Season 2
Summary: Season two is where the Simpsons began to take shape. It was still very much a children's show with Bart as the central character, but see begin to see it maturing. Home takes a more central role and we see some episodes focusing on minor characters. First appearances of many favorites - Lionel Hutz, Troy McClure, Dr. Hibbert, Professor Fink, Ralph Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, and Groundskeeper Willie
Best Episode: Blood Feud
Great Episodes:
Good Episodes: Bart Gets an F, Bart Gets Hiy by a Car, One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish Blue Fish, Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment, Lisa's Substitute
Bad Episodes: Treehouse of Horror, War of the Simpsons

Season 3
Summary: This is the season where classic Simpsons begins. We have the blend ridiculous humor and character development and emotional driven episodes. It is still a bit inconsistent, though. Best episodes still Bart-centric.
Best Episode: Homer at the Bat
Great Episodes: Bart the Lover, Bart the Murderer
Good Episodes: The Otto Show, Radio Bart, Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk, Flaming Moes, Lisa the Greek, Saturdays of Thunder, Treehouse of Horror II, Stark Raving Dad,
When Flanders failed
Bad Episodes: Like Father, Like Clown, Colonel Homer, Brother Can You Spare Two Dimes?


Season 4
Summary: Here we have Simpsons at its best and brightest. There is absurd humor, gag-filled episodes, and continued emotion driven episodes. Here is where we often see the classical plotted episodes. We see more and more of minor characters in starring roles or at least well defined roles. Very consistent season. Greatly written and greatly creative.
Best Episode: Last Exit to Springfield
Great Episodes: Brother from the Same Planet, Marge vs. the Monorail, A Streetcar Named Marge, Marge in Chains, Mr. Plow
Good Episodes: Lisa's First Word, Selma's Choice, I Love Lisa, Duffless, Krusty Gets Canceled, New Kid on the Block, Whacking Day
Bad Episodes: Lisa the Beauty Queen, The Front, Homer the Heretic


Season 5:
Summary: Similar to season 4, very consistent, more use of minor characters. This is though, where stories begin to get a bit ridiculous and unbelievable and the show begins to parody itself a bit too much. Full, rich episodes. Loads of parodies and spoofs. This is where we see Homer obviously being the most used character.
Best Episode: $pringfield
Great Episodes: Rosebud, Cape Feare, Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baddasssss Song, The Last Temptation of Homer
Good Episodes: Bart's Inner Child, Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy, Deep Space Homer, Homer and Apu, Bart Gets Famous, Homer goes to College, Homer's Barbershop Quartet, Burn's Heir
Bad Episodes: Homer the Vigilante, Lady Bouvier's Lover


Season 6
Summary: Season 6 is very much a combo of seasons 4 and 5. It has full ridic episodes as well as some unbelievable ones. We see Homer ingraining himself as the star character. I feel this is where there begins to be some bad episodes that make the good ones seem even better. Lots of amazing eps, though.
Best Episode: Bart's Comet
Great Episodes: Lisa's Rival, Bart of Darkness, A Star is Burns, Treehouse of Horror V, Who Shot Mr. Burns Pt. 1
Good Episodes: And Maggie Makes Three, Homer the Great, Homer Badman, Two Dozen and One Greyhounds, Homie the Clown
Bad Episodes: Grandpa vs, Sexual Inadequacy, Fear of Flying, Lisa's Wedding, Round
Springfield, The Springfield Connection, Lemon of Troy

Season 7
Summary: Season 7 was a mixed bag. Some of it was very close to the best of seasons past, but much of it was straying from what made The Simpsons great. Some awesome stories, some too wild.
Best Episode: 22 short Films About Springfield
Great Episodes:
Good Episodes: King Sized Homer, Bart Sells His Soul, A Fish Called Selma
Bad Episodes: Mother Simpson, Marge Be Not Proud, Two Bad Neighbors, Scenes from the Class Struggle in Springfield, Bart the Fink, Abe Simpson and "The Flying Hellfish"

There you go folks. Vote for the Best!

Best Simpsons Episodes Ever!

Well, we have finally made it to the top tier of our Simpsons Best Episodes Countdown. These are the 13 top episodes ranging from seasons 3-8. The classics are here - Last Exit to Springfield, Monorail, Rosebud- the three predicted by Thorzul - Homer at the Bat, 22 Short Films, Hank Scorpio- and a few surprises.
At the end of last entry, we looked at the usual construction of a classic Simpsons Episode - something rather crazy starts the episode, which causes some sort of problem which the lead character, usually one of the Simpsons must solve, and in solving it, there is actual character development and sentimental situations, so usually the first part of the episode is more funny and the second more sincere. I think that is a pretty good Simpsons mold, and you will see, most episodes on this list fit that mold.

And here they are The Best Simpsons Episodes ever.....

13.) You Only Move Twice
Season 8
Writer: John Swartzwelder
What happens: Homer gets a new job in a new city. The rest of the family is against moving. Homer's new boss Hank Scorpio is an evil genius. In the end, Homer does what is best for his family and moves back to Springfield.
Why 13? You can't go wrong with a James Bond Parody. Also this is a rare episode where the entire Simpsons family each has a story line. This is also classic Homer here, clueless but not a goon or buffoon. Also, this was back when FOX first got the MLB playoffs, so you had to wait forever to get new Simpsons. This was the first non-Halloween ep of the season, so anticipation was high. A gem of an epsiode when things were starting to go downhill.
Funny Stuff: Aw, The Denver Broncos?!
Hank Scorpio is great. I loved the coat gag, well delivered, even if it was similar to Lionel Hutz's tie gag. And he just pulls sugar out of his pocket!
Mr. Bont!
The Hammock District

Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up two percent, and it's all because of
my motivational techniques. Like, donuts. And a possibility of more
donuts to come.

12.) A Star is Burns

Season 6
Writer: Ken Keeler
What happens?: The town decides to have a film festival after it is named the least cultural city in the U.S. The Critic comes to Judge the festival. Mr. Burns tries to buy the award for best film.
Why 12? This is one of the most iconic episodes of The Simpsons, but it is rather inconsistent. This is a rare episode where the second half is funnier than the first. The stuff with Jay Sherman isn't funny.
In fact, Matt Groening was very much against this episode as he saw it as just a big promo for The Critic, and wanted to pull the ep off the air. He did not to commentary on the DVD or put his name on the credits.
But when it is on, it is great! I think Boo-urns is the most used Simpsons quote. I use it like 5 times a day.
Funny Stuff:

Audience: Boo!  Boo!

Burns: Smithers...are they booing me?
Smithers: Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns!  Boo-urns!"

Burns: Are you saying "boo" or "Boo-urns"?
Audience: Boo!  Boo!
Hans: I was saying "Boo-urns"...


Homer: Marge, are we Jewish?
Marge: No, Homer.
Homer: Woo hoo!

Senor Spielbergo

Listen, Spielbergo, Schindler and I are like peas in a pod:
we're both factory owners, we both made shells for the
Nazis, but mine worked, dammit!  Now go out there and win me
that festival!

Football in the groin with Hans Moleman or George C. Scott

But...the ball!  His groin!  Ah ha!  It works on so many levels!

11.) A Streetcar Named Marge

Season 4
Writer: Jeff Martin
What Happened? Streetcar Named Desire as a musical starring Marge as Blanche. The show makes her realized Homer doesn't always treat her right.
What #11? I don't want you thinking I like musical numbers and Jon Lovitz, but this was a great ep, a great character study of Homer and Marge. The B story of Maggie at the day care was cute, anything to The Great Escape music is awesome.
Funny Stuff:
All these obvious character from the Simpsons playing other characters was great.
Another amazing Hutz line: Lionel Hutz, attorney-at-law. I'm filing a class-action suit against the director on behalf of everyone who was cut from the play. I also play Mitch!

   If you ask me, they're all winners!

We'll be cutting our first 40 contestants right after this.


-- Troy McClure





Marge: I thought it would be a good chance to


meet some other adults.
Homer: [eyes fixed on the television set]  Sounds interesting.

Marge: You know, I spend all day home with Maggie.  Sometimes it's
like I don't even exist.
Homer: [eyes fixed on the television set]  Sounds interesting.

Homer: I can't fake an interest in this, and I'm an expert at faking an
interest in your kooky projects.

10.) Bart of Darkness
Season 6
Writer: Dan McGrath
What happens? It is a hot, hot summer and Lisa and Bart convince Homer to get a pool. The whole school comes to swim. Bart falls because his epidermis is showing and Lisa becomes cool. Then comes the Rear Window parody with Bart who thinks Flanders killed his wife.
Why 10? This is the first episode of season 6 and one of the first times FOX had the playoffs, so we had to wait a long time for this. FOX had already learned to start out the season with a Bart-centered episode and this one did not disappoint. Good story, well paced, Lisa and Bart switching places was a good idea. Simple story and fun. Good use of Homer as a minor character, where he is often at his best and multiple funny lines by Martin.
Funny stuff:
The ep starts off with Homer and Bart cooling themselves down by rubbing frozen veggies all over themselves. "I got the idea when I noticed the refrigerator was cold"
"ICE CREAM, ICE CREAM, I'm all outta ice cream."

Let us celebrate our new arrangement with the adding of chocolate to milk.

Great scene with Chief Wiggum in the helicopter

 Do not be alarmed,
continue swimming naked.  [eats popcorn] Aw, c'mon, continue!
Come on!  Oh...

And Cherri and Terri becoming friends with Lisa

Isn't it amazing the same day you got a pool is the
same day we realized we liked you?

The Chlorine scene was funny and Millhouse signing Bart's cast Millpool and the weird Jimmy Stewert Character.

Martin: Ah, my plan has come to fruition.  Soon _I'll_ be queen of

summertime.  Er, king.  King!

Bart: Listen, Ned Flanders murdered his wife!
Homer: But why?  She's such a fox.

[Marge scowls at him]
I mean, what's on Fox tonight?


Great end to the episode as well, Frank Sinatra in the background
Martin: Oh.  The gentle caress of the summer breeze.

9.) Lisa's Rival
Season 6
Writer: Mike Scully
What Happened? Another smarter younger student threatens Lisa's place at school and a strange B story with Homer and Sugar.
Why 9? Lisa is not my favorite character, but she works well here interacting with Allison and when asking Bart for help. Simple story again. This is episode 2 of season 6, immediately after Bart of Darkness, just like this list. B story was funny, but weird.

Funny Stuff:
Obvious highlight was the Star Wars action figures and Skinner's reaction

Pre-packaged "Star Wars" characters, still in their display
box?  Are those the limited-edition action figures?


Why it's Luke, and Obi-Wan, and my favorite, Chewie!  They're


all here!  [to Miss Hoover] What do you think?

Hoover: [bored] I think it's lunch time.
Skinner: We have a winner!


And the anagram game
Taylor: Oh, don't be modest.  I'm glad we have someone who can join us
in our anagram game.
Alison: We take proper names and rearrange the letters to form a
description of that person.
Taylor: Like, er...oh, I don't know, uh...Alec Guinness.
Alison: [thinks] Genuine class.
Taylor: Ho ho, very good.  All right, Lisa, um...Jeremy Irons.
Lisa: [looks with consternation] Jeremy's...iron.
Taylor: Mm hmm, well that's...very good...for a first try.  You know
what?  I have a ball.  [pulls one from his pocket] Perhaps you'd
like to bounce it?


Also multiple funny Ralph lines
"My cats name is mittens"
"What's a diorama?"
"My cat's breath smells like cat food."
I bent my Wookie."

Also very funny was the scene with the Beekeepers. Epitome of The Simpsons and how something seemingly normal is made laugh out loud funny. Transcribing this does not do it justice, just watch it and the walking clock bit from Sweet Seymour Skinner
Beekeeper 1: Well, sure is quiet in here today.


Beekeeper 2: Yes, a little too quiet, if you know what I mean.

Beekeeper 1: Hmm...I'm afraid I don't.
Beekeeper 2: You see, bees usually make a lot of noise.  No noise --
suggests no bees!
Beekeeper 1: Oh, I understand now.  Oh look, there goes one now.

Beekeeper 2: To the Beemobile!
Beekeeper 1: You mean your Chevy?
Beekeeper 2: Yes.



The beekeepers track their bees down to Homer's sugar pile.

Beekeeper 1: Well, very clever, Simpson, luring our bees to your sugar
pile and selling them back to us at an inflated price.
Homer: Bees are on the what now?
Beekeeper 2: Simpson, you diabolical...we're willing to pay you $2000
for the swarm.  [starts counting money]
Homer: Deal!

Love in a Time of Scurvy
Classic Homer :

Marge: While you were out "earning" that dollar, you lost forty dollars
by not going to work.  The plant called and said if you don't
come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday.
Homer: Woo hoo!  A four-day weekend.

Lisa: You're younger than me too?
[look worried, starts breathing into her paper lunch bag]
Alison: Are you hyperventilating?
Lisa: No...I just like to smell my lunch.

Diorama-rama
Uter and the chocolate factory
And for some reason, Bart's plan to spray Allison with the hose was great.


8.) 22 Short Films About Springfield

Season 7
Writers: Jeff Appel, David S. Cohen, Jonathan Collier, Jennifer Crittenden, Greg Daniels, Brent Forrester, Rachel Pulido, Steve Tompkins, Josh Weinstein, Bill Oakley, Matt Groening
What Happened? Many things
Why 8? This was the one with many small stories, a Pulp Fiction parody. It had some great parts, but some not so great parts. Not higher because it lacked the sentimentality and emotion of other great episodes.
Funny Stuff:
Very Tall Man
Krusty Burger vs. McDonalds
Maggie in the Newspaper Stand
But I will give you what you want, or at least what I want....Steamed Hams!

If written many times that something was one of my favorite skits or gags or lines or scenes, but here is my alltime favorite Simpsons scene.

Elsewhere in Springfield, Superintendent Chalmers walks up to the

door of a neatly-kept house.  Principal Skinner greets him there.
Chalmers just grunts as the two men go inside.  Skinner heads for
the kitchen, where he notices smoke billowing out from the stove.

The worst has happened -- the roast he has prepared is burnt.

Skinner, however,
 has an ace up his sleeve.  He plans to purchase
fast food from the Krusty Burger across the street and pass it as his
own cooking.  Skinner starts to climb out the window when Chalmers
suddenly comes into the kitchen.

Chalmers: Seymour!

Skinner: Superintendent; I was just, uh, just stretching my calves on
the windowsill.  Isometric exercise.  Care to join me?
Chalmers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
Skinner: Uh, oh, that isn't smoke, it's steam.  Steam from the steamed
clams we're having.  [rubs stomach] Mmm -- steamed clams.

Either Chalmers is satisfied with this explanation, or decides not
to pursue the matter further.  In any case, he goes back to the
dining room.  Skinner jumps out the window and runs over to the
Krusty Burger after Chalmers leaves.

A few minutes later, Skinner makes an entrance the dining room
carrying a big platter of Krusty Burgers.

Skinner: Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouth-watering
hamburgers.
Chalmers: I thought we were having steamed clams.
Skinner: Oh, no, I said, "steamed hams."  That's what I call
hamburgers.
Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams.
Skinner: Yes, it's a regional dialect.
Chalmers: Uh-huh.  What region?
Skinner: Uh, upstate New York.
Chalmers: Really.  Well, I'm from Utica and I never heard anyone use
the phrase, "steamed hams."
Skinner: Oh, not in Utica, no; it's an Albany expression.
Chalmers: I see.

Chalmers suspends his disbelief long enough to enjoy some of
Skinner's steamed hams.

Chalmers: You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones the
have at Krusty Burger.
Skinner: [laughs]  Oh, no, patented Skinner Burgers.  Old family
recipe.
Chalmers: For steamed hams.
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: Yes, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that
they are obviously grilled.  [shows Skinner the grill marks]
Skinner: Uh ... you know ... one thing I sh-- ... 'scuse me for one
second.
Chalmers: Of course.


Skinner retires to the kitchen for a second.  When he walks back
into the dining room, we can see that the entire kitchen is in
flames.

Skinner: [faking a yawn] Well, that was wonderful.  Good time was had
by all.  I'm pooped.
Chalmers: Yes, I guess I should be --
[notes entire kitchen is on fire]
Good Lord, what is happening in there?
Skinner: Aurora Borealis?
Chalmers: Aurora Borealis?  At this time of year?  A this time of day?
In this part of the country?  Localized entirely within your
kitchen?
Skinner: Yes.
Chalmers: May I see it?
Skinner: Oh, erm... No.

Awesome

7.) Marge vs. the Monorail

Season 4
Writer: Conan O'Brien
What Happens? You know this one. Mono= One Rail = Rail
Town gets money from Burns for nuclear waste dumping. Gets swindled by Lyle Langley (Phil Hartman into building a monorail. He skims tons off the top and the monorail doesn't work, but Homer and Leonard Nimoy? save the day
Why 7? Classic episode, lots of great lines. Large town scene, again with ideas of what to do with a large amount of money. A couple of slow scenes in the second half though prevent it from being higher and lots of great one liners, but not extended gags.
Funny Stuff: lots
"I call the big one Bitey."
"Batman was a scientist"

Do you want to change your name to Homer, Junior?


The kids can call you Ho-Ju!

Marge: We're too late!
Cobb:  I  have stopped for that haircut.  Sorry.

`Solar power.  When will people learn?

You call that an anchor?

No fat chicks
Homer trying to seduce Marge was hilarious. Another one that can't be transcribed. Check it out.


6.) Homer at the Bat

Season 3
Writer: John Swartzwelder
What happened? Mr. Burns had a million dollar bet on te plant softball team, so he hired ringers to play. Ever player save one had a strange incident or accident that left them unable to play. The only one able to play was Daryl Strawberry, who played Homer's position. In the end, with the game tied, Mr. Burn's played the percentages and took Strawberry out in favor of Homer, who was hit by a pitch and brought in the winning run.
Why 6? I think this is the first episode of the Simpsons that everyon remembered. It was also the first one to beat The Cosby Show in the Thursday timeslot. So many baseball players. I love it.
What happened to the players:
Ozzie Smith: Wonder Spot
Jose Canseco: Retriving every possible thing for the woman from the burning house
Mike Scioscia: radiation sickness, LOVED working in the plant
Steve Sax: pulled over and jailed by Chief Wiggumand charged with every unsolved crime in NYC
Roger Clemens: hypnotized into thinking he was a chicken
Ken Griffey Jr.: Too much growth tonic
Wade Boggs: knocked out by Barney in a bar fight over who was the best Prime Minister of England
Don Mattingly: My favorite - kicked off by Burns for not shaving his nonexistent sideburns

Ralph picking his team against Bart was also funny
Daryl Daryl!


5.) Bart's Comet

Season 6
Writer: John Swartzwelder
What happened? Bart gets detention for a prank on Skinner and has to star gaze with him. Bar t finds a comet heading for earth, specifically Springfield. Everyone goes in Flanders' bomb shelter and eventually kick him out. Homer feels bad and leaves too and everyone follows him. The comet ends up burning up in the atmosphere and everyone is fine, just as Homer predicted. Dun-dun
Why #5? Great episode from beginning to end. It incorporates most of the town and shows Homer's good side, which is seen too infrequently.
Funny Stuff:
The following people are gay thing was funny
Another one of my alltime favorite scenes here:

Moe: Hey, uh, I got an idea: we can play a game to pass the time.
Er, I'll make the sound of a barnyard animal, and, er, you



all try to guess what it is.  

Ahem: [makes some

unidentifiable noise]Wiggum: It's a pig!

Bart: It's a cow, man.
Lisa: It's a pony.
Krusty: No, it's a goat.  You know, one of them lady goats.
Selma: There are no lady goats: a lady goat is a sheep.
Hibbert: I believe she's right.
Otto: You're crazy.

McAllister: Arr, what's it to you?
Otto: What's it to _me_?
[everyone starts arguing]
Marge: Stop it!  Stop it!  Can't you see this barnyard noise
guessing game is tearing us apart?
[Ned still sings "Que Sera, Sera" outside]

Say, Moe, was it a duck?
[everyone argues again]

Homer: Shut up!  Shut up!  Stop it!  Stop it.  I can't take this any

more.  I can't let that brave man out there die alone.  I'm
surprised and disgusted by all of you -- especially his
children.  I'm going out there!
[goes out, slams door behind him]
[pops his head back in] It was a baby ox.
Moe: He's right, you know.
Skinner: [surprised] About the ox?
Moe: About everything, dammit.

I am called Ham, because I enjoy ham radio.  This is Email...
Cosine...Report Card...Database...and Lisa.  Your nickname
will be Cosmos.

Quimby: Now, here's what we think the impact might look like.  Show
them, Jerry.
[first slide shows arrows pointing to "Springfield" and the
"Comet"]
[second slide shows collision of two and an arrow pointing to
       "Moe's"]
Moe: Oh, dear God, no!
[third slide shows smoking crater with arrows pointing to
"Charred Bodies"]
Quimby: Fortunately we have a plan: Professor Frink?
Frink: Nn-hey, good evening, ladies and --
Man: [hysterical] Quit stalling!  What's the plan?
Frink: All right, just take your seat, just take your seat.
[pulls a sheet off a model of the city]
Now, working with former Carter Administration officials and
military men who were forced into early retirement for various
reasons which we won't go into here, nn-hey, we have planned
this defense for the city: [flicks a switch] as the comet
hurtles towards the city, our rocket will intercept it and blow
it to smithereens.
[little models of the comet and rocket demonstrate]
[the comet explodes and catches "Moe's" on fire]
Moe: Oh, dear God, no!

Lisa: It blew up the bridge!  We're doomed.
Homer: It's times like this I wish I were a religious man.
Lovejoy: [running down the street] It's all over, people!  We don't have
a prayer, argh.

 Ned: I might go mad with fear out there, so Todd, I want you to shoot
Daddy if he tries to get back in.
Todd: OK, Dad.  [weeps]

4.) Brother from the Same Planet
Season 4

Writer: Jon Vitti
What happened? Homer forgot to pick up Bart from soccer practice. It rained, Bart got mad and got a Big Brother Tom, again voiced by the late great Phil Hartman (damn his crazy, crazy wife) Homer then got a little brother to get even. Hilarity ensues.
Why #4? I don't think this episode is very high on many people's list, but it is again great from start to finish. There is no let down. The B story with Lisa on the Cory-line isn't the best, but the Bart/Homer/Tom/Pepi story is priceless. It is also very simple and believable. But it is sometimes these unassuming, less frequently seen eps that are the best.
Funny Stuff:
The episode starts with Nelson smoking at soccer practice, a good start indeed.
Next we have Homer forgetting to pick up Bart and ignoring all the signs.
Wheel of fortune puzzle "I'm on my way"
Millhouse writes trad pu kcip
Bart Starr
dog barks "Bart"
Maggie burps "Bart"
Pick a bar?
And then Homer's dream where Bart is dead is pretty nice too

And then he leaves immediately out of the bath.
Lisa "Dad, hide your shame."
Flanders "Hey Homer, I can see your doodle."
SNL spoof - "The Big Ear Family" and another Joe Piscopo reference
The Isotopes have "Tomato Day" and speaking before the game is the head of the Springfield Communist Party.
After Bart shows the ray gun at show and tell Millhouse "I have a horsey....Nayy, naay...."
Possibly the Best Itchy and Scratchy

You're not the  one who can abuse a non-profit organization!

Must you be forever
 dialing that phone! Lisa

And the best "That's when it's time to kick some back!"
-Homer-

3.) Rosebud

Season 5
Writer: John Swartzwelder
What happened? Citizen Kane parody with Mr. Burns' lost bear Bobo
Why #3? Wow, so much stuff, so many gags. I think that is a critique of this episode, but I love it. I can't get enough. With other episodes on the list, I had to rewatch them to get some more quotes, I mean some stuff is obvious like "Boo-urns" and "kick some back" and "Steamed hams" but with these last 3 episodes, I remember all the gags. Brilliant stuff.
Funny Stuff:
Where to begin? I can't possibly write it all or give justice to the humor.
Here is a good way to try, though, just the classics

I have some sad news to report: a small puppy, not unlike Lassie, was
just run over in the parking lot.

[Audience gasps]
And now it's time for the comedy stylings of Homer Simpson!

Homer makes a triumphant entrance, but he is greeted with silence.


Homer: [exaggeratedly loud] Are you ready to laugh?
Man: Poor dog.

Homer: I said, are you ready to laugh?
Woman: Quiet, you awful man.


Smithers: [dressed in a bear suit] Here's something that should cheer
you up, sir.  It's me, sir: Bobo!  Hug me!  Squeeze me!
[suggestively] Tug at my fur...

Apu: Chock full of heady goodness

Homer: Mmm...sixty four slices of American cheese.
[Takes the stack to the table and sits down]
Sixty four...[eats it]

Sixty three...[eats it]
[Next morning]
Two...[eats it really slowly]
One...[eats it]
    [Marge walks in]
Marge: [incredulous] Have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: [slurred] I think I'm blind...

The end gag in the future is priceless too. Just watch this ep.

2.) Last Exit to Springfield
Season 4
Writer: Jay Kogen and Wallace Wolodarsky
What happened? Lisa needs brace (Dental Plan) Homer becomes head of the union and Burns tries to take away the dental plan. Homer leads the plant to strike. In the end, the workers get back their dental plan if Homer quits as union head, and he obviously does.
Why #2? Classic, classic episode. This one has an incredible amount of gags and quotes like Rosebud, but has a much strong, coherent story line which all the gags come from. Amazing stuff!
Funny stuff:
Where to start?
Dentist office was all funny, both with Lisa and Ralph
Homer's scar from the strike of '88. "I want a burrito! I want a burrito!"

  Lenny: So long, dental plan!
Homer: [thinks...]
Lenny's voice: Dental plan!
Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny's voice: Dental plan!

Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny's voice: Dental plan!
Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny's voice: Dental plan!
Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.

Lenny's voice: Dental plan!
Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny's voice: Dental plan!
Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.
Chuckie: [as a prank, drops a pencil into the crack of Homer's butt]
Carla: Bull's-eye!
Homer: Thanks a lot, Carl.  Now I lost my train of throught.
Lenny's voice: Dental plan!
Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.
Lenny's voice: Dental plan!
Marge's voice: Lisa needs braces.
Homer: If we give up our dental plan... ... ...


Burns: We don't have to be adversaries, Homer.
We both want a fair union contract.
Homer: [thinking]  Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?
Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Homer: [thinking]  Wait a minute.  Is he coming onto me?
Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?
Homer: [thinking]  My God!  He  coming onto me!
Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows.
[chuckle]  [wink]
Homer: [thinking] Aaaaaagh!
[aloud]
Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans.
Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious,
      but the answer is no!
I'll have to pay for Lisa's braces!

Bathroom gag was great and the ping-pong table in the leaky basement
don't forget picture day at school
Homer on the talk show
two-headed dog with frisbee
Classical Gas
back door to the super-secret room
I could go on and on, but seeing the real episode would be much better
ok, one more

"This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters. Soon, they'll have written the greatest novel known to mankind. (reads one of the typewriters) "It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times"?! you stupid monkey! (monkey screeches) Oh, shut up."



1.) $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)

Season 5
Writer: Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein
What happened? Springfield decides to increase revunue and noteability by building a casino. Homer works there, Mr Burn's goes whacko, Marge gets addicted to gambling and the family suffers, and Bart maes his own treehouse casino.
Why #1? This my not be the most expected choice, but I love it. It has laugh out loud and chuckle moments, lots of character appearences, crazy stuff, a great storyline, and the sense of the Simpsons as a family, flawed, but still together in the end. I feel this episode was hilarious (even moreso than the previous two) when I first saw it back in 1993, when I saw reruns when in high school, when I bought the DVD in college, and when I watch it today. Now that is the hallmark of a great episode. Despite what others may say, I stand by this as number 1
Funny Stuff:
So much again, a few of my favorites

Homer: Anyone lose their glasses?  [no one answers]
Last chance!  [still no one answers]
Woo-hoo!
[Homer fishes the glasses out of the toilet.  He puts them on]
The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles
triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.
Man: That's a _right_ triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

My second favorite Simpsons scene, after Steamed Hams:

Lisa: Mom!
Homer: Huh -- wha -- Lisa!  What's up?
Lisa: I just had a bad dream!
Homer: Oh, sure.  You just lie down and tell me all about it.
Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the bogeyman was after
me, and he's hiding under --
Homer: Aah!  Bogeyman!  You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun!
-- So much for parental guidance, "$pringfield"

Homer runs into Bart's room: "Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there
may be a bogeyman or bogeymen in the house!"

Marge arrives home, squealing the tires as she stops in the driveway.
She gets to the front door and sees a hole has been torn through it, and
that chairs and other objects have been stacked against the knob.  When
she opens it, Homer peeks up from behind a bent-over mattress on the
floor, aiming the shotgun at her and quivering.  Bart, Lisa, and Maggie
look over at Marge, and everyone sighs with relief.

Marge: What happened here?
Homer: Oh, nothing, Marge.  Just a little incident involving the
bogeyman!


Another Great one

Homer: Hello, Florida!  [tapes an orange to her, but it falls off]
Lisa: [gasps] I'm not a state, I'm a monster!  [sobs]
Homer: [wipes a tear away] No, Lisa.  The only monster here is the
gambling monster that has enslaved your mother!  I call him
Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

And all the casino gags were great too
The fake Sigfred and Roy getting attacked by their tiger. WOW
Bond spoof
Rain Man spoof
Barney burping up coins

 [Barney watches Marge gamble]
Barney: Man, that's classic compulsive behavior.
[Sees a waitress holding a tray with three cups on it]
Wow, free beer!
[He chugs all three]
Man: Buddy, those are my quarters!
[Barney burps up some quarters]
Woman: This guy's paying off!

Homer running through the casino and giving everyone good luck.

 Man: A baby on the table!  That's good luck!
Everyone: Yay!
[The man throws the dice, and they come up double one]
Croupier: Snake-eyes.  Sorry.
Everyone: Boo!

Bart's Casino

Goulet: Are you sure this is the casino?  I think I should call my
manager.
Nelson: Your manager says for you to shut up!
Goulet: _Vera_ said that?  Hmph.

I remember this one I had to use the pause button and close captioning to see what Homer said at the end, that's how disgusted he was.

 Lisa: There's nothing to eat for breakfast.
Homer: You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie
crust --
Lisa: Maybe mom just doesn't realize we missed her.  We could go down
to the casino and let her know...
Homer: Oh, come on, Lisa, there's no reason to -- [takes a bite] --
let's go see Mom now.

Crazy Burns

Burns: Aw, my beloved plant.  How I miss her -- bah!  To hell with
this.  Get my razors!  Draw a bath!  Get these kleenex boxes
off my feet.
Smithers: Certainly, sir.  And, uh, the jars of urine?
Burns: Oh, we'll hang onto those.  Now, to the plant!  We'll take the
Spruce Moose.  [picks up the model] Hop in!
Smithers: But, sir --
Burns: [pointing a gun] I said, hop in.

Skinner: And special awards go to the two students who obviously had no
help from their parents: Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum.
Ralph: I'm Idaho!
Skinner: Yes, of course you are.

A Great line to end the list with.

Homer: [grabbing Marge] Yer gotta redda kid forrad yarrar!
Marge: Homer, what is it?  Slow down!
Homer: [slowly] J'yer gedda ferda redderarrar.
Marge: Think before you say each word.

Homer: You broke a promise to your child.
Marge: What?
Homer: You promised Lisa to help her with her costume.  You made her
cry.  Then I cried.  Then Maggie laughed -- she's such a little
trooper.

And that is all folks. The end of the list. Wow! Lots of episodes, lots of laughs. The Simpsons is great. The best show of my time. It's been a good time writing this list. I know there are some many good episodes, it is very hard to rank them, even in tier form. Much of it comes down to personal preference. But we can all agree, it is the combination of the humor, the story telling, the absurb, the intelligent, and the sense of family that makes The Simpsons Great.
The show is now a huge part of American pop culture and maybe even culture.
Right Mr. Hutz?

Oh, sure, like lawyers work in big skyscrapers and have
secretaries. Look at him! He's wearing a belt.
[wistfully] That's Hollywood for ya.

Best Simpsons Episodes Part III

Alright, time for part III of of Simpsons best episodes countdown. Today we have tier II. These episodes didn't quite make the final cut, but are definitely still classics. The last two tiers only contain 24 total episodes, so we are surely (not Surly) down to the nitty-gritty.
Here we go. I think this list will bring back several fond memories and laughs.

TIER 2 B Episodes

Who Shot Mr. Burns Parts 1&2 - I'll put these together even though they were separated by months, painful months of waiting for the answer. These episodes, obvious homage to Dallas, were not outrageously funny, especially the second, which was more story telling and flashbacks, but they were definitely a huge event. I can only think of a few times in my lifetime where a TV show was an actual event, an instance where it was cover in the news and in magazines and mentioned on other shows. The ones I can remember are the OJ chase, the finale of the first season of Survivor, when someone finally won a million of Who wants to be a millionaire, and to a lesser extent the Seinfield finale and American Idol finale with Reuben and Clay. And Who Shot Mr. Burns? was right up there with them. I think it was also one of the first times I was a aware of the concept of a season long cliff-hanger. Man.
A few highlights:
The whole thing was begun by the unfortunate death of Superdude.
All the students and faculty giving suggestions for what to do with the money
Otto: One of those guitars, that are like, double guitars, you know?
And the whole gag with Mr. Burns not knowing Homer's name. I even used this line as a title to one of my Brewers posts.

  Ned: Dear Lord!  That's the loudest profanity I've ever heard.

Bart's Inner Child- I think this one often gets forget in the slew of so many great episodes, but this is worthy of such a high place. It's almost a two parter episode, the first with the trampoline, the second with the self-help guru Brad Goodman who tells ever on to be like Bart.
Has all the ingredients of a classic Simpsons episode - Homer doing something ridiculous, producing a ridiculous plot, family troubles, and a scathing parody of modern culture and commercialism.
The "human go-ing" line is one of my favorites as well as the chase of Homer and Bart

Skinner: Damn...they're very slowly getting away!
Moe: They're heading for the old mill!
Homer: No we're not.
Moe: Well, let's go to the old mill anyway -- get some cider!

Treehouse of Horror V - Best Halloween ep ever!
The Shinning. That's pretty much all I have to say.
The Homer in time one was good too, but the last one about Lunchlady Doris prevents in from being top tier.



Mr. Plow - Iconic Episode. That is the only way to put it. Doesn't have too many super-funny parts though that I remember well, maybe because I remember the whole episode, but that is why it is not top tier.
The bit with Adam West was great. And Homer driving (drunk?) home in the snow and hitting the other family car "at least I got him as bad as he got me" was great. Oh, and I forgot this one, when talking to the insurance agent:

``Moe's'' you left just before the accident.  This is a business of
some kind?
Homer: [thinks]  Don't tell him you were at a bar!  Gasp!  But what else
is open at night?
[aloud] It's a pornography store.  I was buying pornography.
[thinks]  Heh heh heh.  I would'a never thought of that.

And don't forget the whip sound the salesman (Vlaclav) used to get Homer to buy the plow truck
And it ends with Homer saving Barney and renewing their friendship and then a joke about God
Yep, sounds like classic Simpsons.


TIER 2 A Episodes
These are the closest of the close to the top tier. After much thoughtful debate, they came up short. But, just to make it clear home close, we will begin our unofficial countdown here. Exciting

(19) Homer's Enemy
Season 8

In my opinion, the last great Simpson's episode. I know it is only the 8th season, but I stand by this statement. As this list will show, most of the best episodes are seasons 3-7 or and you could even say 4-6. But this was the episode about Frank Grimes and Homer. Frank, a hard working, self made man, asked the questions we ourselves may have asked about Homer. How does he have such a nice job, house, family, the American dream, and do amazing things and meet amazing people when he is so.......dumb? The outside perspective is definitely interesting.


(18) Blood Feud -
Season 2
Interesting pairing with the previous one, as this episode I believe is the first great Simpsons episode. It's when it becomes more than just a funny kid's show. This episode was actually aired the summer between seasons 2 and 3.
And as for the funny stuff goes, all I really have to do is mention the giant head Xtapolapocetl.

Hilarious.
Lots of other funny stuff too, Lisa giving Maggie ridiculously hard flash cards, Homer attempting to water the mail and pretend to be Mr. Burns.

Homer: [trying to disguise his voice]
Hello, my name is Mr. Burns.  I believe you have a letter for me.
Postal Clerk: Okay, Mr. Burns, uh, what's your first name?
Homer: [brief pause] I don't know.

Also we got a nice example of Mr. Burns trying to be nice after he got better from Bart's blood.

Burns: Oh, top of the morning to ye!  Why, look who's here!
 It's ... good old... You!
Man:   Hi, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Oh, hey there, Mr. uh... Brown-Shoes!  How about that ..
 local sports team!

And good advice for us all

Moe:    What's the matter, Homer?  You're not your normal effervescent self.
Homer:  I got my problems, Moe.  Give me another one.
Moe:    Homer, hey.  You should not drink to forget your problems.
Barney: Yeah.  You should only drink to enhance your social skills. [belch]

(17) Cape Feare -
Season 5
I may be in the minority here, but I am not really a fan of Sideshow Bob. That being said, this is a classic episode. This is the one where Sideshow Bob gets paroled and tries to kill Bart. This puts the Simpsons in the Witness Protection Program and hilarity ensues, well actually, the first half of the episode was funnier.
Lots of good stuff:
McBain as a standup Comic
Sideshow Bob's "German" tattoo

Bart's reasonable paranoia

Um, I checked around.  The girls are calling you "fatty-fat fat fat",
and Nelson's planning to pull down your pants, but...nobody's trying to
kill ya.
-- Milhouse

Marge: [threateningly] Bart, I am going to _get_ you...[brandishes
 some scissors]
Bart: [gasps]
Marge: [cheerfully] ...some ice cream at the store, since I'm saving
 so much money on Diet Cola!  [holds up a coupon]
  [Scene switches to Flanders outside]
Flanders: [threateningly] Say your prayers, Simpson...[brandishes a
 glove with knives on the fingers]
Bart: [gasps]
Flanders: [cheerfully] ...because the schools can't force you like they
 should!  [clips the hedge] Maude, these new finger razors make
 hedge trimming as much fun as sitting through church.
  [Scene switches to Bart's classroom]
Edna: [threateningly] You're going to be my murder victim, Bart...
Bart: [gasps]
Edna: [sweetly] ...in our school production of "Lizzie Borden",
 starring Martin Prince as Lizzie.

And one of my favorite scenes ever

Agent: Tell you what, sir.  From now on, you'll be, uh, Homer Thompson
at Terror Lake.  Let's just practise a bit, hmm?  When I say,
"Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."
Homer: Check.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: [stares blankly]
Agent: Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
Homer: I gotcha.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
Homer: [stares blankly]
[A long time later]
Agent: [sighs in frustration] Now, when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson,"
and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
Homer: No problem.
Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson!  [stomps on Homer's foot a few times]
Homer: [stares blankly]
[to other agent] I think he's talking to _you_.

Yes!
Not a big fan of the ending though.



(16) Marge in Chains -
Season 4
The one where Marge goes to jail.
This one is great from start to finish. It begins with Troy McClure and Dr. Nick selling juicers - Juices Looseners. Wow. Great start. The juicers coming from Japan and contain the dreaded Osaka Flu. Everyone gets sick but Marge. She is super stressed and accidentally steals bourbon.
Has a classic things-running-repeated-through-head
Mom we need more OJ - Flinestones Chewable Morphine - Sherrif Lobo - Bourbon
Also the best, and this is saying something, appearance of Lionel Hutz.
So MANY GREAT QUOTES. I will list them all for your reading enjoyment, but really watch the episode.

Lionel Hutz: Hiring me as your attorney, you'll also receive this free smoking monkey.
[places a toy monkey with a cigarette in it's mouth on the desk]
Marge: Mr Hutz.
Lionel Hutz: Look... he's taking another puff!

Lionel Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I... uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly," and the word "dog" with "son."

Lionel Hutz: Now, Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she *forgot* that bottle of... delicious... bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors... so tempting.
[holds the bottle to his ear]
Lionel Hutz: [whispering] What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial!
[puts it down]
Lionel Hutz: Excuse me.
[he runs out of the courtroom, finds a payphone and quickly dials]
Lionel Hutz: Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
David Crosby: Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
Lionel Hutz: I love you too, man.

   So, Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, if that  your real name...
in fact, I wasn't wearing a tie at all!

Lisa:  You're a latter-day Clarence Darrow!
Hutz:  Uh, was he the black guy on the Mod Squad?

If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers.

Judge:Mr. Hutz, do you know you're not wearing any pants? 
Lionel Hutz:What? AAH! I move for a bad court thingy.
Judge:You mean a mistrial?
Lionel Hutz:Yeah... that's why you're the judge, and I'm the law... talkin'... guy.

Awesome. And like any great Simpsons episode, there is a great, somewhat ludicrous, yet heartfelt ending, this one with a Jimmy Carter statue being adorned with Marge Simpson Hair. Fitting end.


(15) Bart the Lover -
Season 3
Another episode with the classic Simpsons set-up. Ridiculous intro - yo-yos- leads to one of the Simpsons doing something funny that may hurt others - Bart answering Mrs. K's add - they feel bad and usually in a funny way make it better - writing the last letter. Fast paced start, slower middle and end allowing for character development.
That is the formula for a great episode.

Oh, forgot that before the yo-yos this episode started with a Troy McClure filmstrip about Zinc.

How could you not love this episode?
Gordy Howe
Woodrow Wilson

Maybe it's the beer talking Marge but you got a butt that won't quit.
they got those big chewy pretzels here merJanthfgrr five dollars??!!!?
get outta here [scrawl]

Strap your skates on Gordie, you're going in.
P.S. I am gay.

The B story was great too, with Homer attempting to give up swearing.

   Maude: Todd, would you like some mixed vegetables?
Todd:  Hell, no!
Ned+Maude+Rod: [gasp!]
Maude: What did you say?
Todd:  I said I didn't want any damn vegetables.
Ned:   All right, that's it, young man.  No Bible stories for you tonight!
Todd:  [leaves, crying]
Maude: [to Ned] Weren't you a little hard on him?
Ned:   Well, you knew I had a temper when you married me.

Rod:  At last we built the mission.
Todd: Finally, the villagers have a place to pray.
Rod:  [sings] Bringing in the sheaves!
Todd: [sings] Bringing in the sheaves!
Rod+Todd: We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves!

Homer: Hey, Marge.  You wanna hear something funny?  Flanders thinks I
 swear too much!  Hee-hee!  ... Marge, you're not laughing.
Marge: Well, you know, maybe he's right.
Homer: Well, what a surprise!  Marge sticks up for Flanders!
 Can we have  conversation where you don't bring up your hero,
 Ned Flanders?
Marge: Actually, Homer,  brought up Ned Flan---
Homer: Look, we're past that.

That will require a tetanus shot.

In the end, the Simpson family comes together and there is an actual happy ending.
If anyone can find the Simpsons Gordie Howe picture, please let me know .

Career Totals               Games      Goals     Assists     Pts.

National Hockey League      1767       801        1049      1850
World Hockey Association     419       174         334       508
                         ------------------------------------
Major League Totals         2186       975        1383      2358

(14) Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baddasssss Song -
Season 5
Similar formula to the previous two episodes - Simple beginning turns ridiculous, Simpsons must solve problem they created, sincere, funny ending.
This episode is hilarious. SO close to to the top tier. The first half of the episode was amazing, so funny throughout, but the second half didn't hold up, a bit dull in fact. Best part at the end was Flanders being fired due to saying a prayer in a public school.

As for the first half, I really don't know where to begin, that's how good it is, so....

The scene opens a la "Wonder Years" with "With a Little Help from My
Friends" being covered in the background.  A young Homer washes his
muscle car with his fairly new girlfriend Marge.  He grins at the camera
as Marge turns the hose on him, dousing him.  Homer has neglected to put
the parking brake on in his car, it would seem: it rolls off the
driveway and onto the street.

In the next shot, it is Homer's birthday.  As Abe and Marge watch,
bearded Homer opens Marge's present -- a book about beards.  Delighted,
he shows it to the camera, then leans forward to blow out the candles on
his cake.  But his beard catches fire, and he runs back and forth in a
panic while Marge worries and Abe laughs.

   [Bart watches a home movie of Homer's birthday]
Bart: [laughs] They're going to eat this up at Show and Tell.
Marge: I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea of your
   classmates laughing at our family's private moments.  How
   would you like it if, twenty years from now, people were
   laughing at things _you_ did?
Bart: Not likely.  Come on, have a sense of humor about yourself!
    [the movie turns to baby Bart, naked, sitting on the
   toilet]
Young Bart: I'm a big boy today.

Lisa laughs, and Bart sees reason.  He looks around for something else
to take to school, and Marge suggests a largish potato.  "Mom, you're
always trying to give me potatoes.  What is it with you?"  Marge
explains, "I just think they're neat."  Bart runs up to Lisa's room.

Bart: I need something for Show and Tell.
Lisa: Just take one of my geodes.
[Bart stares blankly]
The rocks on my desk.
[Bart goes over, picks up something]
No, that's a trilobyte.
[Bart picks up something else]
That's petrified wood.
[Bart picks up something else]
Bart, that's a bran muffin!


Otto honks the bus horn outside, and Bart and Lisa walk out to it.  As
Bart steps on the bus with his geode in hand, he notices everyone else
has brought geodes, including Martin, who says, "Greetings, fellow
geodologist!"  Bart groans, steps off the bus, and looks around for
something else to take.  His eye falls on Santa's Little Helper; he
tears the dog away from chewing up the morning paper.

In class, {it is Nelson's turn at Show and Tell.}

Nelson: {The ingredients were: fresh pureed tomatoes, water, salt, and
 sodium benzoate used to retard spoilage.  Once again, if I'm
 not mistaken, this can contained tomato paste.}
Edna: {Thank you, Nelson.  I look forward to seeing it again next
 week.}  Bart, you're up.
  [Bart walks up as a cardboard box follows him]
Bart: Boys and girls, Mrs. Krabappel, I come before you today to
 solve a riddle that has plagued mankind for centuries: What
 has four legs and ticks?
Milhouse: A walking clock?
Nelson: A walking clock!
Martin: I'd wager he has some variety of walking clock in that box!
Edna: Bart, is it a walking clock?
Bart: [mystified] What?  No, it's my dog.
-- That was my next guess, "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song"

Everyone gasps with delight.

Edna: [looking at SLH] Oh, he is a gem!  Here boy.  [kisses] Would
 you like these cookies Martin made for me?
Martin: My raisin roundies!
Bart: My dog's name is Santa's Little Helper.  One time he crawled
 under the house and when he came out he was covered with ants.
 Then he ran into a church and drank all the holy water.
Everyone: Wow!


Mrs. Krabappel thanks Bart: "Great job!"  Everyone cheers as he walks
off.  "I knew the dog before he came to class," brags Milhouse.

Martin walks up, places his geode on the floor, and narrates
histrionically.

Martin: Kaboom!  That, the sound of the thunderous volcanic explosion
 that gives birth to the magnificent geode, one of nature's
 most --
Nelson: You're doing it wrong.  You gotta pet him hard so he can feel
 it.
  [he demonstrates; SLH sneezes]
Sherri: Look, look, look!  The doggie sneezed.
Edna: Hah!  It thinks it's people.
Willy: [on the other side of the door] Hey, poochie!  Here, poochie,
 poochie, poochie!
Martin: Ahem.  My geode must be acknowledged!
Edna: [angrily] Oh, brother.  All right, back to Show and Tell!
 Bart, why don't you put the doggie away.
Everyone: Aw.


Bart leads SLH to a closet and shuts the door on him.

Later, SLH awakes to smell something good coming from the vent.  Lunch
lady Doris' soup that day is particularly redolent, no doubt due to
extra helping of horse testicles she's added to it.  "More testicles mean more iron!" she exclaims.  SLH can't resist, and he paws the vent
open and crawls inside.  He crawls past the grade two room.

Ralph: Um, Miss Hoover?  There's a dog in the vent.
Hoover: Ralph, remember the time you said Snagglepuss was outside?
Ralph: He was going to the bathroom.


Principal Skinner is on the phone in his office to the superintendent.

Skinner: [on the phone] I know Weinstein's parents were upset, uh,
superintendent, but, but -- but I was _sure_ it was a phony
excuse.  I mean, it sounds so made up: "yom kip pur".  [laughs
sheepishly]
Willy: [bursting in] Sir, you've got to come quick!  There's a dog
running around in the air ducts.
Skinner: I understand.  [over PA] Children, this is Principal Skinner.
Remain calm.  There is a dog in the vents.
 [In Bart's class, everyone cheers and gallavants]


Willy pushes Skinner's desk over to the corner of the room for Skinner
to stand on.  He removes the vent cover and sticks his head into the
vent.  SLH licks his face happily and wanders off.

Skinner: Willy, go into the vent and get him.
Willy: What?  Have you gone waxy in your peaster?  I cannot fit in
tha' wee vent, you croquet-playing mint muncher.
Skinner: Grease yourself up and go in, you...you guff-speaking work-
slacker.
Willy: Ooh, good comeback.


Willy approaches lunch lady Doris and asks her if they have any grease.
When she replies in the affirmative, he strips his shirt off and asks to
be greased up.

It really is a tight squeeze for him in the ventilation system.  He sees
a flash of brown cross the T junction at the end of the shaft in front
of him; behind him, at the other end, he sees another flash of brown
shortly after.  Skinner monitors Willy's and SLH's flashing dot on a
radar screen.  "Good Lord, it's coming up right behind him!"

Although SLH has no malevolent intentions.  He simply licks Willy's foot
repeatedly, but Willy is ticklish and begin laughing hysterically.
Several children are standing just under where he laughs, and they toss
books and other things at the vent, denting the metal.  Willy implores
them to stop.

Skinner rushes out and orders everyone back to their room.  "Uh oh.
Whenever I get this upset, I get hiccups!  (hic) Oh, right on cue..." he
moans, and everyone points and laughs.

Willy, meanwhile, has managed to orient himself so that he faces SLH,
who runs away from him.  But the wily Scotsman manages to catch up and
snag the stray mutt.

Willy: There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman.
Now, out we go --
[pushes vent cover out; the cover hits the gymnasium floor far
below.  The vent begins to pull from the roof]
Urg...'tis more dizzying than the belfry at St. Caliga
Glenwalgens.


The fire department is called in to try to rescue the trapped pair.
Chief Wiggum arrives, greeting the basketball-playing Eddie and Lou
with, "That's nice work, boys."  Mrs. Krabappel sees superintendent
Chalmers arriving and takes great glee in pointing this out to the still
hiccuping Skinner.

Chalmers: [voice rising] Skinner...!
Skinner: Superintendent Chalmers!  You didn't have to come all the way
  down here.  Everything's under control.
   [fireman falls off ladder, which smashes the gym window]
Chalemers: Oh, I have had it, I have _had_ it with this school, Skinner!
  The low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children
  --
Skinner: Oh, now I really think the children's appearance --
Chalmers: Seymour, you are in very, _very_ big trouble.
   [SLH falls into his arms]
  Why, looking into this lovable mutt's eyes just melts my
  heart.  Seymour, all is forgiven.
Willy: [yells] Make way for Willy!  [lands on Chalmers] I said "Make
  way for Willy," you bloated gasbag.
Chalmers: Seymour...
Skinner: Hmm?
Chalmers: You're fired!
   [Bart gasps]
Skinner: I'm sorry, did...did you just call me a liar?
Chalmers: No, I said you were fired.
Skinner: Oh.  That's much worse.

Skinner has become one of my top 5, maybe even top 3 favorite characters. Check out the scene where he is on the phone, he is so sweaty.
I've put the best lines in bold, just in case some people did not want to read the entire act. This ep is so full, there really isn't a B story.
And don't get me wrong, the rest of the ep is good, just not as good, definitely check out Skinner's detergent scene. Funny, funny stuff.



Wow, we had so GREAT ones today, the last three in particular. They were so close, but the countdown gets even better! Tune in next time for the TOP 13 Simpsons Episodes.
Holla back!